He doesnt want the child but he wont sign him away...WHY?

[buthow]

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm sorry I keep pouring my heart and sorry its long

For those who once read my posts know that the Father of my baby left me when I told him I was pregnant, I tried to beg, curse, shout, ask pple he respects to talk to him but he wouldn't budge until I decided to leave him alone, but now my problem is that in my country every were I go they need the father's signature for various thngs. Like booking a delivery bed mother and Father need to sign, applying for birth certificate, ID and passport.

So I explained that the father is not interested and they said in that case he needs to sign a form declaring that only my signature and surname can be used on the child and that he wants nothing to do with child now or in future (kinda giving up his parental rights) and that way it will also be prove to the child that the father never wanted a relationship with him and maybe he won't go through the trouble of looking for him when he is older.

I told the father about this over a message thinking he would be happy to sign him away since he said he wants nothing to do with my son but he didn't reply I left numerous messages explaining that this would be the last he hears from me all he has to do is sign then he will pretend like normal as if there was never a baby but he still won't respond or sign. Why is he doing this to me? Refuse the child and refuse to fully give up his rights because surely he doesn't want his name on the birth certificate or my son to use his surname, why won't he sign I just don't understand its depressing me now coz the only way is to get a random stranger to sign away his rights for him and that will complicate things in future if its not his signature.

How on earth am I having this man's baby? Wouldn't signing away his rights help him from future child support and help him never be contacted again?

[SquidgyMummy]

Gosh this sounds appalling. He is trying to control you.
However what country are you in?
Are you British (thinking could you get help from the consulate or the embassy?)

[buthow]

Mummy Why would he do that when he says he wants nothing to do with us so y the need to continue controlling? Or its jus pure hatred (angry) (sad). I'm in South Africa dear.

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Can he actually sign it before the child is born?

Perhaps he's waiting till then. It sounds a bit like your using the signing to make him see what he would lose and trying to get him to change his mind

[NonnoMum]

I'm very sorry to hear this situation.

I would recommend taking the emotion out of the situation. Instead of beating yourself up wondering WHY he is like this, try and achieve what you need to achieve.

Instead of bombarding him with texts etc, I would recommend getting a solicitor's letter drawn up, with your request for sole parental rights. Not sure about the legalities in your country but do get some legal advice and stop trying to do it all yourself. Good Luck.

[shanelle5]

Sorry not to be able to offer more help but it sounds very different to this country so not sure what to suggest.
Do you have an equivalent to citizens advice? You cant be the only person in this situation so there has to be a solution, you just need to get some good advice from the correct people.

Do you have much support of family/friends? Could you get some support and advice from a health visitor etc?
He sounds like a tricky customer so baby is better off without him possibly. Chin up, try and google, ask around etc for some decent RL help and good luck xx

[buthow]

Finallygotaroundtoit nope I'm jus tired of going this direction and be told "father needs to sign this portion" they are making the father's signature so important

Maybe I went to a difficult hospital but by law here the child automatically takes the surname of the father unless its proven he doesn't want the child/other reasons any way thankyou for the responces will try the children's welfare court but him signing wouldn't make me go through so much trouble

[SquidgyMummy]

Have you tried talking to his parents? surely they must have an interest in the well being of their future grandchild.
perhaps they will try and persuade him?
otherwise if you have copies of emails, texts etc proving that you have had no response then perhaps you can show that to the hospital?
If all else fails, why not change hospitals so at least you can get your delivery organised?

(I haven't been to SA but I tried googling women's aid groups for you - most seem to deal with HIV awarenes from what i can see.) can you at least try and contact a women's aid group and see if they can help you. This cannot be the first time this has happened to an expectant mother (unfortunately)
good luck

[buthow]

SquidgyMummy thanks hey I'm thinking of starting the progress of changing hospitals n explaining to them that the nearest hospital close to were I stay needs the father's signature and we are not in touch n I like the idea of showing them proof tht he is not responding he is ignoring and making it more harder for me.
Thankyou for googling women's aid for me but here its sad tht pregnant women hardly hv support mostly they deal with physically abused or raped women but like you said my case can't be the 1st

[kinkyfuckery]

I would consider changing to a different hospital for delivery and telling them you do not know who is the father. They might think you're some kind of a skank, but it'll pass, then you can get on with your life without him in it.

I take it you won't be chasing him for any child maintenance?

[buthow]

kinkyfuckery yah I'm seriously considering that now change of hospital would be best and explain as u said. Yah I am not following him for child maintanance I cnt have him fight me to pay as little money as possible and wen ma child is grown and successful he will be say "it was my child support" I'm gona do this on my own.

[queenofthepirates]

Could you perhaps... ahem.... forge his signature and be free!
Not that I'm condoning it but might make life easier

[buthow]

queenofthepirates if they nvr asked for it in the 1st plc were I wanted to deliver I would hv forgoten it, but now because of tht signature I have to go further thn were I stay to deliver (and hopefully they will be more understanding there). For me to get my child the birth again his signature is needed not to mention e ID.... But him signing away his rights would make life easier for me
I wish u culd understand what I mean

[SquidgyMummy]

It just sounds so dreadfully restrictive in SA. Sorry you are going through this.
Perhaps you could also post in the Living Overseas forum and get some advice from other SA based Mners who know the system better....

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Is there a way someone can force him to sign the waiver? A government agency or lawyer? He is being deliberately obstructive.

[buthow]

SquidgyMummy thnks for the tip will try and post hopefully I will get help

SaggyOldClothCatPuss eish I went to the police already again and they sd I should look for his father or blood relative to deliver coz they can only take action wen the child is there (somehow they meant it as if sleeping w someone causes this now u wana drag us) cnr afford a lawyer for now but I'm sure wen I'm in labour they wnt turn me away they will be forced to help me