Daddy's Willy

(37 Posts)
RogueRebel Mon 15-Jul-13 15:18:14

Please direct me if there is a better place to post this.

I have two DD's 2&4 who have been having contact with dad for less than a year over night Eow until a few weekends ago when my oldest said she didn't want to see daddy anymore at his house. I won't go into too much detail as have posted before.

Yesterday we were at Grams' house for Sunday lunch and the DC were playing with Dolls they had for presents, their 11yr old cousin brought her dolls and many accessories. including a boy doll with a winkey.

My oldest mentioned it later when we were in the car saying make sure we haven't brought cousins doll with the Willy, I asked her what she said again as I wasn't sure I heard right because its either a winkey or tackle in our house. she told me all boys have Willy's. I asked her who told her it because the wording was different to our families. she told me daddy told her and she's seen his because he always let's her watch him wee.

Is this weird? am I ment to be worried as much as I am?
I know he's their dad but still I would expect him to keep these things private!

GoingUpInTheWorld Mon 15-Jul-13 15:23:20

As a child, around 5ish, if i was in the bath, my dad would have a wee standing up if i was in the bath and think nothing of it.

Obviously at that age, i thought nothing of it.

But nowadays, its seen as unacceptable to do that.

starfishmummy Mon 15-Jul-13 15:24:32

I wouldn't worry if that is all there is to it. When I was that age my grandma lived with us and I used to go to the toilet with him. He was probably a bit more "discreet" because I thought he weed out of his finger!!

phantomhairpuller Mon 15-Jul-13 15:24:46

Well I know it's slightly different but nothing is sacred in our house! Nobody can go to the loo without 2yo DS I insisting on going too!

It doesn't bother anyone, GPs included but I'm not sure how long I'd be happy to let it continue once he gets older.

Hopefully someone will be along with more helpful advice soon grin

starfishmummy Mon 15-Jul-13 15:25:08

Oops I mean my granddad lived with us!!

May09Bump Mon 15-Jul-13 15:25:58

Probably just walked in on him, or he has had them in the bathroom to keep an eye on them.

We try to keep things private, but my 4yr old is always barging in and asking questions about private bits (myself & husband).

If your worried just ask him and see what his reaction is - I think you need to find out if possible what has changed re them not wanting to stay. My 4yr old gets bit clingy every now and then - so hopefully that's what it is.

I wouldn't have thought anything of this at all personally, in our house nakedness is pretty standard, to and from bathroom/bedrooms and open bathroom etc. Little DD is only 1 and uninterested in body bits so far but I can't imagine DH suddenly covering himself up in the next year or two. I would expect it once DD is older and at an age where she is wanting privacy herself probably.
But if your ex is of a similar background small people in the bathroom is just a normal part of the day!

Ds2 (3) insists on accompanying me to the bathroom every morning. Do your children accompany you to the bathroom?

I wouldn't worry about this at all. I would have thought that most young children will have seen their father use the toilet.

me and dh sleep naked so the kids (age 6 and 9) have always seen our body parts and know what they are.

Sounds perfectly fine to me.

trikken Mon 15-Jul-13 15:38:14

Sounds normal to me too.

RogueRebel Mon 15-Jul-13 15:39:39

she's said her and daddy have broken up, to a worker at the nursery, and asked the same worker to.write a letter to daddy to tell him she doesn't want to see him at his house anymore.

He was abusive with me when we were together, I've tried talking to him about what she has said re not wanting to see him and he won't believe me and started with the abuse over the phone.

I understand children see their parents naked sometimes and it shouldn't be an issue but he's not even been having contact a year after not seeing them both since DD2 was 3months old he is a stranger to them. I was adament on using a contact centre for a while until his solicitor threatened me with court action if he didn't get home visits.

They have both been forwarded to councillors because of their emotional state after returning from visits and although I sent ready beds with them the first time and expressed he would need to buy his own for their visits he has refused, actually sent mine back with puncture after 1st visit and insists they all share a bed in his 3bed house.

I don't know if this makes any difference?

phantomhairpuller Mon 15-Jul-13 15:45:43

You're drip feeding OP.

That last post reads as though you've decided he's up to no good and you want us all to take your side and tell you what you want to hear.

Sorry if I'm wrong, I appreciate you're worried about your children but that was my first thought when I read most recent post hmm

Floralnomad Mon 15-Jul-13 15:46:38

You have obvious issues with your ex and it really sounds like you want there to be something untoward going on . My children are much older but TBH nakedness is the norm here and its up to the person who doesn't want to see anything / be seen to cover up ,we also co slept until they were quite a bit older than yours . Would you think it odd for your daughters to sleep with you ? If the answer to that is no then it is exactly the same for your ex .

Floralnomad Mon 15-Jul-13 15:47:49

Also your daughters could well be picking up on your stress about the visits .

Mhysa Mon 15-Jul-13 16:06:43

I hate the fact my exp insists on peeing with the door open angry I'm just the kind of person who doesn't like private things seen, call me a prude if you like. My ex also still shares a bed with his eldest D (19) and thinks this is fine, I find it odd. He says I'm "wrong in the head" to think its a bit off. Firstly, I trust exp 100% but, I just think, ewww.

I think your a caring mum who is worried about your DCs OP, and given that they don't know there DF that well, I think it's out of place and I think kids just don't need to see that kinda thing.

valiumredhead Mon 15-Jul-13 16:07:51

Lots of children drill bath with their kids at this age. Better to be open about things imo.

valiumredhead Mon 15-Jul-13 16:09:25

Still not drill

RogueRebel Mon 15-Jul-13 16:09:36

as I said I've posted before about all issues regarding incidents after contact. I don't know How to link? I've been called into the nursery office several times times regarding comments about ex made by children.
I've actively encouraged the children seeing their dad as its the only time I have not had the children with me 24/7 since they were born. I have only ever managed a few hours a day since I was awarded 2yr funding. before contact started.

I have spoken to their dad in front of them even saying love you with them to try and keep things normal, and have always spoken fondly of him and told them story's, (made excuses why he wasn't seeing them) his choice not too. Contact started off fine and both DD's were enjoying contact and looking forward to going.

So why now has she said she doesn't want to see him? The nursery were concerned that she had told them her and Daddy had broken up(she hasn't mentioned this to me at all)

I don't have a problem with co sleeping both my DD's did it with me (ex actually caused arguments over it because he disagreed) but they both now sleep in their own beds in their own room.

I'm sorry for drip feeding but could write an essay on all issues regarding his and their behaviour. The Heath visitor has expressed concern and was the one who advised me to stop contact.

RogueRebel Mon 15-Jul-13 16:24:43

Floralnomad - actually disgusted by your comment, What parent would actually want something to be going on?

I highly doubt it is but as I was advised to stop contact by the heath visitorand told to call social services, have been told by nursery staff they are concerned by what DD1 is saying ive all of a sudden become paranoid.

Which is why I've come on here for advice, hoping to be put at ease, as I said I was sorry to drip feed but it really would be a long post if I explained everything.

I was hoping for more single parents to comment so I could get view points from people in a similar situation.

Floralnomad Mon 15-Jul-13 16:32:03

I didn't intend it to sound like you want him to have done something but that you've pretty much decided he's up to no good ,sorry if it read badly ,however that's how your posts come across .you haven't linked to your previous issues so I know nothing other than you've written today .

valiumredhead Mon 15-Jul-13 16:35:19

What are you worried about then OP?confused

RogueRebel Mon 15-Jul-13 16:48:42

This post was simply to find out about children seeing their dads Willy. I understand in a normal relationship it seems to be the norm, However these are two childen who cannot remember their dad from before and who have not spent much time with him in a time frame that is under 12months. so I was after points of view on this aspect from single parents.
If I was to get a new partner I wouldn't deem it the norm for any of my DC to see his Willy at all, after any length of time.

I am however very worried as to why my DD1 is persistent on telling everyone that she doesn't want to see her daddy at his house? There is no explanation she will give me other than say she is worried. Would any parent think it was perfectly normal for a child to decide this after such a short time when it seemed to be going well?

BellEndTent Mon 15-Jul-13 16:57:43

I wouldn't be concerned at all, all sounds normal and open and completely innocent.

babyhammock Mon 15-Jul-13 17:19:57

Given the history of being abusive and the lack of contact with the girls, no it isn't appropriate or normal. At the minute he hasn't been actively playing the role of 'dad' at all and has therefore not built up the kind of relationship where this would happen naturally. He may be their father , but he is more of a stranger to them in reality.

He probably has the type of abusive mentality where he thinks he is entitled to do and act as he pleases/wants without a thought for what is either appropriate or wanted by his children. He sounds like he is completely unable to respect their boundaries or put their needs before his own. This will permeate through all his actions and this is probably why your dd isn't happy. Things like that are hard to verbalise when you're an adult let alone when you're just a child.

There's been various studies shown that the best indicator of whether abuse is likely to take place is the non abusive parent's instinct on the matter. Therefore I would trust your feelings and I'd be very wary.

Good luck, it's a really crap situation to be in x

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