providing the basics?

[IneedAyoniNickname]

How much of the 'basics' do you provide when dc are with the other parent?

My ds' sleep 1/14 nights at their dads,(he lives with his gf and her 2 dc) and I send them with clean clothes for the next day, and they bring the dirty stuff home. (well, they're meant to, but in reality cone home in the dirty stuff, no idea why)

He has swimming trunks (as they have a pool in the garden), toothbrushes and toothpaste, and as far as I know they don't bath when there so wash stuff is irrelevant.

So, this summer they are all going away for a week, but ex had asked me to provide suncream as they can't afford it. Apparently its costing them a fortune in this weather not sure why he thinks its not.costing me the same!

Obviously I will provide the suncream, but just wondered what others did. I'm confused how they can afford a haven holiday for a week, (which sounds like a luxury to me) but not sun cream!

Also, I get no maintenance as ex apparently can't afford it! The CSA are still sorting this out.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

No useful advice to offer but I must clarify: he has a pool but can't afford sun cream or maintenance? I presume it's not a paddling pool?

[IneedAyoniNickname]

An 8ft diameter pool, not a permanent one, but big enough for adults, so not a paddling pool IMO.

[betterthanever]

When the DC are in his care he is responsible for them and for everything.. what happens if he gets some unexpected sun, would he expect you to pop round with the cream. He is your ex for a reason.

[teetering13]

Tell him to take them to the hairdressers next time he has them as you can't afford it ..

[IneedAyoniNickname]

He is indeed my ex for a reason!

[IneedAyoniNickname]

I could do teetering.but he wouldn't bother!

[teetering13]

That's the thing ... he'll only put on you because you let him ... what kind of person is he? ... Would he let them burn to spite you or give in and get the cream?

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

He is being ridiculous. You can buy sun cream in asda that's v cheap it's what I send to nursery. It sounds a bit divisive too between your (his and yours I mean) kids and his gf kids.

[imtheonlyone]

He's being absolutely ridiculous! When in his care he pays for whatever they need. I send my two DS's with clothes and nothing else! Nothing at all. He can provide the rest. You are not responsible for them when they are with him! He's taking the piss!

[IneedAyoniNickname]

He has been creaming them when they are there, but apparently they can't afford enough cream for the whole week.

I bought a bottle in poundland, and sent it today ready for the holiday. Ds1 did tell me that daddy will probably put it on the gf dc, but I said as long as there is enough for them all, I don't care who uses it.


Actually I don't think I should be providing sun cream for her dc, but am being the grownup and moaning on here instead lol

My mum did joke that he will probably ask me to send their food too!

[betterthanever]

He will be testing the water, your mum is right - he might not ask for food next time but it will probably be something else - at the very least has he no pride!

[imtheonlyone]

I was just going to say - what sun cream does his god use on her own dc? And can they all share? It's not for you to provide it, not at all. I realise you're being the bigger person. But he's taking the piss!! Can afford holidays wax pays no maintenance! The man needs to get a grip! Sounds like my exH to be honest! I'm firm with him now though. If he can't provide what they need then he doesn't get to see them. Simples

[foolonthehill]

joining in.....what about an ex who sent my DSil a bill for half of the food that their children ate the week they stayed with him?...£82 apparently. When the girls turned up at their Mum's it transpired thatthey had done the shopping and paid out of the allowance that she gives them . On the case of the suncream...you are the bigger person, this is good but unfortunately he will continue to take the and I guess you'll have to draw your lines in the sand where they feel right for you....and be glad he's an ex.