I nearly posted in AIBU but not brave enough.
I left H in february because he was controlling and used to get quite scarily angry when things didn't go his way. There were no good times anymore, just terrible times and less terrible times. I now live 10 minutes away from him and we share care of our two primary school aged DDs - I left our flat and all furniture so that he wouldn't have to buy anything, and so that he couldn't say that all I care about is money. He does say that, and it isn't true.
Now, I have been offered the possibility of a new, better job on the other side of the country - we are not in UK and this means about a 6 hour drive. Can't go into too much detail but new job would be with ex-colleagues, and would be a far better opportunity than anything I could get on the strength of my CV. New job wouldn't start until around Jan 2014 and so I have ages to think about it.
My main problem is taking the DDs so far from their father - I don't think I can do it.
But, I hesitate because it's an opportunity that prob won't come up again, a chance to earn more (above min wage at the mo, but way below national average) and as H hasn't had a perm job since 2010 I think it would be good for the DDs to have at least one financially stable parent, especially later if they want to go to college etc.
Has anyone ever faced this kind of situation? WWYD?
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Moving DC away from their father
NoraLuca · 09/07/2013 10:49
Thank you all for responding.
Teetering... I want him to move out of guilt, that's exactly it! I'm not deliberately seeking his company or anything 
He started being scarily angry around the kids just before I left, in fact that's why I did finally leave. It was never aimed at them but they didn't want to spend time with him anymore, and it took a good few months for them to rebuild their relationship.
Yesterday he was meant to drop the DC at my house, and arrived 20 minutes early, before I'd got home. He therefore called me and left a ranty message on my phone along the lines of 'Fuck you, I'm waiting! Fucking get here now!' This is typical behaviour for him, and that's how he speaks to me a lot of the time and I hate hate hate the DC having to witness it. Shared care was only really going OK because I made sure to limit contact between us to hello and goodbye. He has always wanted contact and I have always tried to facilitate it because he does love them and they him, it's just... I sometimes wish I was the kind of person who could bring themselves to dissapear to Australia or somewhere and never be seen again!
I wish I could discuss it with him properly, just in a hypothetical way for now because potential new job is just that, potential ATM. It seems unfair because when we were together I always supported him when he did a training course, then when he went away for a year for work and left me on my own all week with two preschoolers, a part time job and a course of my own... I had the DC when I was quite young and have worked really hard to have some kind of career (not managed it yet!) and it feels like this job might be my chance and I do think he could be more supportive. Apart from anything else, I never want to be financially dépendent on him.
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