Fed up of everyone having big sociable BBQs and me and DS being sat at home. :-(

(56 Posts)

Feeling a bit sad. sad

Why don't people invite us to their "family and friends" BBQs? Everyone seems to be having a lovely sociable weekend except us. Is it because I'm a single mum? [paranoid]

AliceinSlumberland Sun 07-Jul-13 15:55:28

You have one and invite them? I've found that this is the best way to increase future invites.

frissonpink Sun 07-Jul-13 15:58:21

Nope, we don't get invited anywhere either...and we live in a flat, with no garden, and would love an invite to sit outside having a BBQ!

Honestly? I think people just don't think!

nkf Sun 07-Jul-13 16:01:23

Can you go to a pub that does a garden bbq? Invite other friends who live in flats. Don't stay indoors. That will make you sad and paranoid.

Alice when I lived with EX we were the BBQ house, everyone came to us, but I had someone to help me out with it, lots more space, and it was mainly his friends and family that came (who I now hardly see obviously).

I couldn't manage a BBQ on my own. DS has autism and I have to keep an eye on him. Plus I couldn't afford to get loads of food and drink in. I know people will bring stuff along but I'd still be spending a fair bit more than my usual budget. I know from years of hosting them.
Maybe I could scrape some pennies together. :-/ I am also terrified no one would turn up. blush

All my neighbours seem to be having them, as does everyone on my frigging smugbook facebook. hmm

nkf Sun 07-Jul-13 16:06:32

I use those disposable bbqs. Or those bags you put in the bbq. They are easy. An, it doesn't have to be expensive. Not really. Sometimes we have bbqs which are just a regular meal cooked outside. Salad and chicken. Some sweetcorn. I know people go mad and grill for Britain but there is no need. And, really husbands aren't the only people who can do it.

badguider Sun 07-Jul-13 16:09:54

Organise/suggest a byo picnic in the park? That way you can budget and also not be "host"?
Even just suggesting the idea to your friends should imply that it's the kind of thing you'd enjoy and you might get more invites to people's bbqs?

I'm not one of those women who thinks I need a man to do manly jobs, I simply mean with DS's autism I need someone to BBQ and someone to watch him. It's not that I'm a woman it's that I'm just one person not two.

nkf Sun 07-Jul-13 16:13:14

Okay. Can you not leave him alone? Family who would come? I like the idea of the bring your own bbq. Do parks allow them though?

ThePskettiIncident Sun 07-Jul-13 16:13:27

I'm with you completely! My garden is too small for BBQ and we're on our own as usual!

We've had a lovely day at the beach but I'd just really like to part of everyone else's afternoon fun.

Bit maudlin on such a gorgeous day but it is there at the back of my thoughts!

nkf Sun 07-Jul-13 16:14:39

Sorry, I don't mean leave him alone in the house. I mean, I assume that he needs someone to be with him at all times/most of the time. So, I wondered if you could co-op someone to help.

Fizzyfuzzy123 Sun 07-Jul-13 16:19:44

I feel the same! My ds is only 17 weeks old so can't do one just having a lonely day c

I feel the same OP, get very envy I feel I'm letting my 3 DCs down, whilst everyone else's kids are surrounded by friends and family, can't have my own, I'm a billy-no-mates sad

Halfling Sun 07-Jul-13 16:29:05

I feel the same OP. Especially, since very recently I cooled off with two very close friends due to their inexcusable actions.

My whole social life revolved around these two families. So after this social hara-kiri, I am left with hardly any invites.

And the whole fucking world is having lovely barbecues around me and on bloody facebook.

I want to rain on your bloody parades!

Pannacotta Sun 07-Jul-13 16:31:05

I like the suggestion to find a local pub which does a family friendly BBQ and arrange to meet there on a Sunday afternoon with a friend or two. and all your DCs, much easier to arrange and less stressful.

Or just go out for a pub meal to a pub with a big garden where the kids can play?

It is sad that social life is often family/couples orientated, no idea why since there are so many lone parents and blended families.

scrazy Sun 07-Jul-13 16:34:36

I remember feeling like this. I know you said your carn't but I used to do a bbq for just DD and me, then invariably she would invite and friend or two and sometimes their parents, without asking me, then I got invited back.

She's grown up now and I'm sat in the garden alone sad

rainbowfeet Sun 07-Jul-13 16:42:13

I'm in exactly the same boat!!! It sucks!! Sooooo lonely!! confused

nkf Sun 07-Jul-13 16:48:38

Just think of those couples though. Some of them bickering away. And being resentful over who is looking out for the kids and who is drinking beer.

Can't you go out for a walk and stop for a lemonade in a pub? Or have an ice cream? Sometimes, our four walls do feel like a trap.

Yanbu. This is another reason why I quit Facebook.
I don't eat meat but I'd still like to go/do it. The cost scares me though.

SacreBlue Sun 07-Jul-13 18:56:09

For a small, inexpensive & not too intensive do - Lots of cheap salad items you can prepare in advance. Ask everyone to byo meat & drink. Inevitably some teenage kids or other guests will be happy to be in charge of BBQ or at least take turns.

Sometimes you just need to run your own thing & then you find others more willing to ask you to theirs, like being in a round I suppose? And often once you go for it on your own, it turns out ok - even if it's hard work/doesn't turn out as perfectly as you might wish.

Possibly worth asking if a friend or two would like to co-host. Maybe one that hasn't enough space to hold a BBQ but has more free time for example?

Bunbaker Sun 07-Jul-13 19:10:51

We had an unsociable barbecue this evening. Just OH, DD and me. It was great.

Its crap isn't it op. I cant host bbqs for the same reason. He's autistic and really doesnt cope with people here, his language and behaviour deteriorates when people come. He's aready alienated me from the neighbours anf no one really speaks to me here let alone invite me to their bbq!

I have friends but not close ones. All have large families with husbands or partners and last time I tried to have a gathering when ds was away no bugger turned up. I was gutted.

I don't bother any more. Ive always been on the outside looking in never quite there and never cared about quite enough. My kids are missing out I know that.

Sorry ds is autistic

RitaFajita Sun 07-Jul-13 19:34:39

I sometimes use the disposable ones for DD and me just hot dogs or something but still fun, and don't feel so depressed smelling everyone elses BBQs.... am so out of practise of socialising and hosting that never really invite anyone else these days. And we're never invited to anyone elses BBQ's - I'm fairly quiet which makes it easy to be forgotten I think. Plus I'm not a smug married - used to be.... maybe that's the problem - a reminder that marriages don't always last forever!

Ditto to all of the above! Have been on my own now for 9 years and very fed up with hearing about the busy weekends all my friends have - it does seem as if being lone parents makes us invisible!!

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