Being a lone parent is great!

(70 Posts)
SnoopyLovesYou Sun 19-May-13 08:29:13

I started a thread about single mother stigmatisms and lots of people said that they are really positive about being single parents. Thought it would be good to start a thread about the upsides... What do you love about raising your children with no partner? And how do we best parent boys when there isn't a responsible father figure to fall back on? One thing I love is not having to listen to my ex complaining and criticising!

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 03-Jun-13 12:42:24

RaaRaa you're so right- a cleaner! Wow!

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 03-Jun-13 12:41:39

Your ex sounds very practical sandiy! ;-)

Raaraathenoisybaby Mon 03-Jun-13 00:37:33

Sandiy yy to the loo roll and everything in your post grin

Being able to pay for help and not beg for it is amazing. In my marriage I had lots of money and no help and I was knackered and miserable. Now I have not v much money but control, a budget and a cleaner grin

sandiy Sun 02-Jun-13 21:26:02

My ex bought my mothers day present using vouchers that his girlfriend had for sainsburys.He let the children pick thoughIm wracking my brain for an equally insulting response any ideas.Im thinking cheesy mug from moon pig with photos of the children doing something amazing that he can never be arsed to do

SnoopyLovesYou Sun 02-Jun-13 13:19:48

Well I've got more pressing things than Father's Day to worry about and I have no desire for any Mothers Day presents from him!!

honey86 Sat 01-Jun-13 20:43:31

a more recent ex who made the past 4 months of my life hell xx

Lioninthesun Sat 01-Jun-13 19:37:25

Sorry about the missing letters in my posts - I eat choccy hobnobs in bed when DD is asleep <slovenly!> and a few crumbs seem too be lodged in my laptop keyboard!

Lioninthesun Sat 01-Jun-13 19:36:17

Yes, I won't bother when DD is older either. I do wonder if he thinks of her when he sees the adverts/shop promotions for F.day though.
Honey that sounds like a lovely idea for their real dad. Better to keep the memory of the good guy going smile
On the plus side, no having to buy computer games/DVD's other gadgets! We're saving £ ladies! smile

SnoopyLovesYou Sat 01-Jun-13 19:25:16

I don't think I'd get on well with him either but who's this that you're referring to? A more recent ex?

honey86 Sat 01-Jun-13 16:56:28

ill do fathers day for my 3, as their dad deserves it, he was an amazing dad dispite working alot. ill prob let them choose some flowers and a new candle/ ornament to put at his grave.

as for the other waste of space i dont intend to bother. he rambled on about how much of a waste of money mothers day is so i assume the same applies to fathers day to him? (prob not hmm)

hes very much obsessed about FATHERS rights and what MEN should get and how respected MEN should be treated. hell happily shag a woman get her preg, but hes a woman hater, extremely anti-womans-rights. a blantant believer that women should forever be in a mans shadow. hmm

SnoopyLovesYou Sat 01-Jun-13 12:40:22

I'm ignoring it. I think he's a crap father and I'm not going to pretend otherwise!

Lioninthesun Sat 01-Jun-13 12:06:17

But you are getting over it - and that is only possible because you were strong enough to see what you needed to do.
Anyone dreading fathers day? For the moment DD is too small to notice (she doesn't even know what a daddy is as far as I am aware) but it must be pretty tough for those of you who have to help make something? I wonder what they do in schools for kids with no dad instead of the usual Happy Fathers Day crafting?

SnoopyLovesYou Sat 01-Jun-13 10:41:40

My own ex ('ex' suits him so much better than 'partner') has begun having my kids again. Now for 10 hours per week. It's a LOT. He's manipulating them. I hate it! I kind of wish I could just have them all the time to protect them but all the courts say is 'daddy this daddy that yakkity yak.' Regardless seemingly of the negativity he is inflicting on them. :-(
Such emotional and verbal abuse I suffered at his hands. It takes a lot of getting over!

Lioninthesun Sat 01-Jun-13 00:24:51

<waves to honey> Glad you are doing well, I remember your posts smile

honey86 Sat 01-Jun-13 00:12:09

though just come out of an emotional abusive relationship (by whom im preg by) and i got the strength to walk away early. tell ya what, ive not cried since wink

honey86 Sat 01-Jun-13 00:09:01

i had a hard start to single parenting. my man (and believe me, he was a real man, a diamond) died 4 1/2 years ago, with i was preg with dc3... i found it so hard but i learned.... dd is 4 now and i was worried how the lack of daddy would affect her. but actually, she seems to be growing into such a happy clever confident child. makes me trust more that ive done a chuffing good job at being their only parent wink ive ended up with complete arses since though xx

Muuuuuuumcanihave Fri 31-May-13 19:10:30

You all make it sound so positive, i hope i get that feeling soon as at minute its crap. I can list all the positive stuff: no more abuse of any kind, no more walking on eggshells, smaller food shop, less washing, the kids can be kids noisy and untidy, i can eventually get back to being me.

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 29-May-13 20:33:18

Most of all, I love not having to listen to the verbal abuse... :-D

We're so much more of a FAMILY since he's gone. Laughter, trips, nice food, buying the things we want...

sandiy Tue 28-May-13 21:26:17

I miss having someone who is equally proud of my children's achievements.
I don t miss trickle of requests for extra money I don't miss the blinking credit card always being maxed up I ve spent years paying it off with him spending again.
I love going to bed when I'm ready not having to wait til news night time.
Sometimes I go up to bed same time as the children.
When I order takeaway I order what me and the kids fancy it's so much cheaper not needing to order mammoth portions of special fried rice.
OMG how much loo roll do men use I hardly ever buy loo roll sugar or coffee anymore.
If I need help I pay for it then I don t have to be great full I just pay.I still get nervous even if I'm paying though because I'm frightened that I will get shouted at when things go wrong
Finally and I could go on forever the best bit of all is not being constantly on edge I had this nameless fearconstantly and an ulcer my best friend was gavisgon and ranitidine.It only flares up now when I'm really stressed

GrinningImp Tue 28-May-13 17:59:16

What a brilliant thread, OP and everyone! Thanks v much! Am 4 months in, know we are far better off, but ACE to read you all saying these things. They're gonna be grin-makers when I'm feeling sorry for myself!

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 27-May-13 21:39:48

Suburbophobe- I have no men around. Not one! Where can I find some nice male friends?

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:33:44

without A manchild around

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:33:00

^ What do you love about raising your children with no partner?^

Not having to put up with their bullshit, frankly. grin

Life is so much easier without another manchild around....

suburbophobe Mon 27-May-13 21:29:19

how do we best parent boys when there isn't a responsible father figure to fall back on?

They get their role models from the men around them.

So best to have great men around! Whether it be your dad - my dad was the BEST role model! - brother(s) <never had one>, good male friends, other dads around. Even my gay friends are fantastic role models for him.

Thing I've learnt about bringing up my son as an LP is that it's better to be alone with great guys around than in a relationship that is shit...

My son is 21 and doing great at uni. <phew!>

bluecarrot Mon 27-May-13 18:44:35

I was a single parent for 10 years but now have a DP and a baby on the way.

I loved my space, being able to do things my way (or research everything to death and not have anyone smirk at me for it.)

I love the relationship I have with DD and quietly feel smug that she doesnt have the same with her dad (though I encourage their relationship it could not be the same as mine with her)

I liked being in sole control of the family finances. Im pretty frugal generally and I liked feeling in control of that - felt very safe.

Booyhoo - I totally get the resentment thing. (However its back now DP is here and his mum did EVERYTHING for him!)

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