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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

ex is dishing out threats

17 replies

honey86 · 13/05/2013 09:50

i split with my ex finally yesterday because i refused to row in front of my daughter and tried to drive away. so he threatened me with court and told me 'look forward to having social services on your back'

i guess it means hes going to make fake allegations about me to try to get the baby from me once its born. im only 15w by the way.
can he actually do such a thing and it actually work? hes not the dad to my 3 dcs, just the unborn baby. he threatened childrens services again last night after i refused to meet with him for talks.

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iwantanafternoonnap · 13/05/2013 10:17

Ignore, ignore, ignore. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you. I would only communicate with him by text or email now so that you have records of everything he has threatened you with. You can download an app that will save all texts to your email account and also keep a diary of events e.g. if you say no to not meeting him what his response was.

Mine threatened to take our son and said that when he took me too court he couldn't wait for the judge to hand him our son..yeah right, like that was gonna happen! Massively backfired on him and he looked a complete idiot in court as I could show all the times he failed to turn up, when I had offered contact and he had refused etc etc.

Social services are very aware of people like him making shit up when relationships break down. It is very easy for me to say ignore, ignore and don't worry but you are feeling vulnerable and doubting yourself but believe me he is just gobbing off and trying to do what he wants i.e. meet up with him, get back with him.

Hope you are okay and have plenty of support around you and well done for getting rid of him. Plus congrats on your pregnancy

SnoopyLovesYou · 13/05/2013 10:28

Afternoon nap is right. Poor you. Just stay away from him and remember- you deserve better.

HerrenaHarridan · 13/05/2013 12:01

In very rare cases of extreme danger to a baby's life the ss will take a baby at birth.

If you have three healthy, happy kids there is ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE!

He is a muppet and you are clearly better or without him!

RandomMess · 13/05/2013 12:02

Yep ignore ignore ignore it will backfire on him massively.

redskynight · 13/05/2013 13:32

I would make a note of all the threats, so you have a record. And make sure you have a good relationship with your HV, GP, school. And ignore him.

NumTumDeDum · 13/05/2013 13:44

There are no grounds here for removing your child. At worst you could expect an informal chat with a social worker. For that to happen there would have to be significant evidence of neglect or abuse, which he will not be able to provide. his word will not suffice. SS have no interest in removing children from competent parents and despite their press, actually work towards keeping children with their families. I second the advice to document everything and to communicate only by text or email/letter.

NumTumDeDum · 13/05/2013 13:45

For removal to happen evidence is needed, not for the chat. Sorry, small screen on my phone, can't see whole message as I'm typing.

Dervel · 13/05/2013 16:20

It won't go anywhere, because it is obvious just from what you said he is trying to get at you. Courts will see through that. In addition law as far children are concerned are precisely that: interested in only what is good for the child, if for sake of argument you were struggling, social services first port of call wouldn't be to take your child away. Particularly not to a spiteful ex who is trying to get at you. They would endeavour to assist you to get over whatever bump in the road you were struggling with.

To put this in context your ex is putting a not inconsiderable strain on the mother of his unborn child, that hardly screams father of the year material, and it won't look that way to a court either.

honey86 · 13/05/2013 17:04

he actually gave me an ultimatum today. meet with him for talks or hell take action in 'the next ten minutes' hes actually giving me time limits now.

i havent seen a hv for ages, the last time was to check dd's weight as she has a kidney problem and a fluctuating appetite. and that was months ago.

social services have been involved for years since the kids lost their late father, as 2 of us has autism. i like to think i have a good relationship with them.
the primary school are ok but not very patient. dd's nursery are lovely though and very helpful with us.

im not gonna lie , im hurting, mainly cos i never imagined in a million years he could be so vile. he actually said yesterday he doesnt care if he has to drag an innocent child through the legal system, he will if it gives him access. and he isnt willing to settle it out of court x

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iwantanafternoonnap · 13/05/2013 17:17

Oh he is a right prick. Tell him to go to court. If you have a social worker still call them yourselves and let them know what's going on. Do not be bullied.
I am sorry you are hurting but stay strong and don't talk to him use texts and email only. He sounds as if he is going to be awful like my ex and I can't stress enough the need to document everything. If he keeps threatening you go to the police.

honey86 · 13/05/2013 18:06

wl i called his bluff today and rang them myself. they are no longer involved as no concerns and ds's special needs are being met outside of ss now. i also left a message for my solicitor and talked to homestart whove logged it down..

tbh im debating wether i should put his name on the birth certificate or not... as he seems to use pr as a control tool. and im worried his mental health issues and bullying behaviour will rub off on the baby as it grows up, or my other children. trying to think of whats actually best for my kids. i want them to become happy well-rounded people, whereas he lives a life of debt, borrowing and uncertainty. and when he noasts about the right to take a child from her mum and run abroad, i wonder if i really want someone like that to have legal rights to my child. for the sake of that child.

to him, im just playing god with the baby. to me, im just wanting to prepare a positive upbringing. he just dont understand that its his behaviour thats causing the problems. he just says its all me.

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karrie8 · 13/05/2013 18:31

God I had this aswell well we split when our son was 5 months old he did make false allergations and called social services. Ive been to court loads and its been awful but yes as its all been untrue they do see through it all. And social services saw what was happening and I got moved quicker. Good luck with it all but please do ignore him my ex made me feel so crap and frightened. He even took a photo of a food stain on sons top as if that would make me look bad.

Dervel · 13/05/2013 21:16

As to trying to cut the father out of the child's life keep your options open at this stage. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying see how things progress. Keep your options open and as people have said log everything. In writing suggest mediation, likely he'll shoot down the suggestion but you have a record of him refusing it. That doesn't strengthen his case.

The more aggressive he behaves, be more reasonable, graceful and dignified. Yet do not give into him, if he goes off the reservation refuse to discuss anything further until he returns with a cooler head. To be frank him threatening you with court illustrates how disempowered he feels, and he's lashing out, take that away from him utterly and explain whist you regret his decision to go the court route (remind him again of mediation), and then point out there is no point whatsoever the two of you discussing anything more, and give him the details of your solicitor to pass anything relevant through legal channels.

What he wants is to engage with you 100% on his terms, and inflict upon you whatever he wishes to inflict. Your priority right now is yourself, your children and your new arrival. First task, get through the pregnancy, then the first year to 18 months. Remember all of his nonsense is not going anywhere for a good while, there is no way a court is going to take a nursing baby away. All he is at the moment is only so much hot air.

SnoopyLovesYou · 13/05/2013 21:16

Don't put him on the birth cert if at all poss. Your solicitor might be able to advise you on this.

jacks365 · 14/05/2013 09:22

There is no advantage to you putting him on the birth certificate all it does is give him rights. He's financially responsible whatever but putting him on takes some rights away from you so for example if he's on then you need his permission or the courts to take your child abroad even for a day trip to France.

Since you've reported his threats if he now carries them out then that would be seen as domestic abuse and would entitle you to legal aid if he does try to gain access through court.

Good luck for the future but he sounds like he's an idiot.

SnoopyLovesYou · 14/05/2013 20:19

I love that... A day trip to France... Sorry... Off the topic a little...

honey86 · 14/05/2013 21:26

hes done it! reported me to social services saying allsorts of ludicrous things. because he stood outside mine hasselling me to get back with him n i said no. no hes slagging me off on facebook saying im unstable n stuff :'( hes doing it to try n make me look bad so he gets it good in court

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