I have 3 kids- ds1(12), dd(10) and ds2(6). Ex and I split over the New Year after he admitted that ds1 and I were right and he was having an affair. He gaslighted us for 4 months.
They see him EOW and once midweek. I had to ask for this as the boys (ESP ds1) didn't like seeing him so often. Ds1 actually never wants access again as he is livid with his Dad.
I asked ex if we could have different access arrangements for each child. Dd would happily see him every day where as ds1 doesn't want to see him at all and ds2 is indifferent though tends towards doing whatever ds1 is doing. I suggested he see dd 3 nights a week and EOW, ds2 EOW and once mid-week and let ds1 decide if he wants to see his Dad.
I think that access should change according to the needs of the child and Im happy to increase/decrease depending on what will make each individual child happier. Forcing ds1 is surely going to make him angrier?
Ex is threatening to take me to court over ds1. I think he is old enough to have an opinion about contact and not forcing him to go could help him to heal and rebuild things with his Dad in the future. I don't think a court order is necessary. I see contact as something that will vary as the children grow up and their needs change. Am I being idealistic? Am I likely to get into legal trouble for letting ds1 choose amount of contact? His reasoning for less contact is very sound to me.
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5 replies
50shadesofvomit · 24/04/2013 17:37
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