First christmas without DS. WWYD?

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

DS (4) may be spending christmas with his father.

The thought makes my stomach turn but I know this is fair and plan to do alternate years.

His father lives 500 odd miles away from us and is planning to take ds and his family to another location for a christmas break that is even further away from us.

I have a large family here and christmas is very much a big affair - alternating where we are for both christmas and boxing day etc.

I also have a DD (13) who isn't exs so will be with me.

I am wondering if I should just go up to near ex for christmas with DD and I. We'd get a cheap hotel and spend some much needed time together eating out, seeing shows, shopping etc.

It would probably make me feel better to be closer to DS in case of emergency and I also think it will be really hard seeing the entire family doing the usual christmas stuff without having DS with me.

On the other hand, I feel it might make DD and I feel more alone and notice his absence more?

Does anyone else share christmas holidays and how do you cope?


I know it's a thread about christmas in April but if we decide to go away I'd need to start saving now!

[Freddiemisagreatshag]

It wouldn't really be fair to your DS and your ex to have you and DD right round the corner in a hotel imho. And I think you'd feel it more iyswim?

You go and do whatever you would do, just without DS. And have a family Christmas when he returns. That's what I do.

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

I did wonder if it would seem controlling or needy?

I wouldn't stress that I was so close to DS and I would still be about an hour away as opposed to many hours away but I see your point.

I am worried it would be more depressing! I don't want DD to feel like I can't enjoy christmas with just her and thought the change of scene might be good.

[cestlavielife]

i think that is nuts... i think you would be spoiling it for dd - it isnt her fault at all; why should she miss out on fun family xmas with presumably her cousins etc ?

your ds will have great time with dad and that side of family; you will miss him but will be able to do another xmas with him before or after - you can also facetime/skype with him etc

[CharlieUniformNovemberTango]

Really?

I thought she'd see it as a treat - we don't really have much time together and I thought it would be a big plus. I was worried she's feel fed up that her brother was off on a fun trip and she'd be stuck at home.

I've no problem staying home if that's what she wants though. Maybe I am making a big deal out of this for no reason but I honestly hate the idea of him not being here for christmas. Perhaps I'll feel better after the first one!

[Floralnomad]

I agree with the other posters ,to me it says to your daughter that your son is more important and that Christmas is not a family time without him . Stay home and do what you normally do at Christmas .

[cestlavielife]

my dds 11 and 13 love the family get together at xmas time - it usually happens just before but they would never miss it ! ask DD, speak to her offer her the options...but put her needs first as well.

[Fairylea]

My dd is 10 and has had alternate Christmases with ex and I since she was 1.
To reassure you... she now thinks it's brilliant as she gets two Christmases (whoever she isn't with does another proper Christmas day when they do have her) and father Christmas has always visited twice :)

It's harder for you than it is for them I know but just make another day Christmas day and do everything all over again then - we also have another dc (new dhs) and we save a couple of smaller presents back for when dd is here so he gets to enjoy proper Christmas day and dds Christmas day too.

[Fleecyslippers]

Perhaps your Dd will miss her little brother at Christmas and would be happy with your idea. i think at 13 she's old enough to be able to decide what to do along with you.