Just curious if anybody has any advice on how to deal with CAFCASS workers, and the whole solictiors/legal route of contact issues?
Long story short; my ex ended our relationship when I was barely pregnant. Before this, he had been doing drugs, bringing ppl back to our home to take drugs (before and during pregnancy), lived off of my paycheque as he wouldn't get a job, drink/drug driving, etc. Had told him to sort out his behaviour, which resulted in him going on a drug binge for a week and then ending relationship, wanting to scrub me and the baby out. When we were together, I suffered emotional abuse from him, aswell as him, family and friends (his) pressurizing me into a termination.
After break-up, I was homeless and penniless, so moved back to parents (who were supporting me whatever). Had his mother on the phone in hysterics about where her son was and "termination" (knowing we werent together) and that actually it was his last chance with family as his behaviour had been just as erractic before (ending in hospital). During this, he continued his drug-taking, in our old property, other peoples homes and in his car, and tried to harass me at work (luckily, i wasn't there). His mother said that he was dead to her and that I was better off without him and without baby.
However, I decided to keep baby. He proceed to follow me to my 12wk scan, showing up hungover and unwashed, were I asked him to leave. He later bragged on FB that he waited to ambush me for an hour until staff asked him to leave. He then followed me into the town, sat opposite me in a cafe, not saying a word, with new gf in tow. This was our last contact to this day.
I did not have much contact with his mother as although she had calmed down, she was still rather unsettling, and as I had decided to keep baby, there wasn't much she could do. She then started more contact with her son, and announced that he was getting better and had bought a car seat (alarm bells ringing as his FB was covered in photos of him doing drugs and his previous drug driving).
I had a terrible labour with ds, wasnt ready for visitors at all, and with everything that had happened to me hitting me at once, she could not understand that I did not want to see her and wasn't ready. She said she wouldn't hound, but persisted ring, texting myself and mother. It wasn't until ex posted a pic of scan onto FB that we replied stating that I was not impressed, extremely hurt and upset. She replied that her son had done nothing wrong, and was upset himself and whitewashed all of his behaviour.
I then received a solicitors letter stating that wanted ds every Sat or Sun, for them to take him in car to their home for 4 hours and bring home. Ds wasn't even 8 weeks old, impossible as completely Breastfed and unbelievable considering their behaviour - disregarding me as a mother and ds' needs (apparently "contact should be at his pace due to his age", not really what an 8wk needs!) I said no, due to drugs, concerned about saftey/welfare issues with ex and his mother covering up for his lies, I was comfortable. This followed by mediation letter, where I again said no (I would also have to travel 1h30 to centre!) for same reasons - both said fine and would pass these on to ex/mother.
No legal side, but for months had constant harassment from his mother to myself and mum - phones, texts, messages saying there was emergencies. only when a HV advised did I call the police who told them to stop and if they wanted to do something it should be legally, not harassment.
Now i've had to attened a hearing for contact/responsibility. I spoke briefly to CAFCASS officer who knew only a small amount from ex's side. very colloquial, saying "so he's never clapped eyes on him", but did not want to hear my explanations as to why. When I mentioned drug abuse, he had no idea and seemed concerned how much it may cost my ex for drugtesting! At the hearing, a new CAFCASS officer again knew nothing (info hadn't been passed on from phone call). He again was very flippant, kept cutting me short, no compassion for the fact that I'd had this done to me and very upset by the whole thing. Again seemed annoyed by drug-testing and when contact-centre/supervision were mention, he quickly remarked that it needed progress to be in their house, maybe with my family supervising.
From 7wks pregnant, I've been a mum on my own and my ds is only 11mnths old. Nobody seems to be taken seriously that I have serious concerns about ex being involved with ds as I do not trust him. He has dated ppl/friends with ppl who have had children taken by Social Services, and friends that have young children and take drugs around them. I'm really concerned about the safety/welfare of my ds as his behaviour has not changed at all (easily witnessed on FB by himself) and that his mum covers up for him! Not once during the past 17 months, have I had any contact from HIM saying he wanted anything to do with the baby, and has not contributed a penny towards his upbringing. I do not want to start a relationship with someone who is dangerous and erratic and feel like I'm setting my ds up for a fall.
I don't know what to do as I already feel like I'm not being taken seriously, even though I have evidence of all of his behaviour? Any help welcome, seriously upset :(
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CAFCASS/contact issues help???
10 replies
mummyt2504 · 18/03/2013 22:21
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