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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Internet dating

19 replies

SnappyWoof · 14/02/2013 00:44

Why is it so bloody useless?!

I sign up, then a week later I end up hiding my profile because I get messages from 72 year olds...or just men that look 72!

Living miles from family too, so any date means paying £40 for a babysitter

I've known goldfish with more exciting love lives than me

OP posts:

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squareheadcut · 14/02/2013 17:31

i know - forget internet dating it's a waste of time and money just try and go out when you can and be sociable xx

SnappyWoof · 14/02/2013 23:23

I'm living about three hours from everyone I know, because of work, so think that would take me walking round the town with a placard saying "Date me! I'm gorgeous!" or possibly a "Be my friend! I don't smell!"

Have decided I am probably destined to have a grey bun, wear tweed and cobwebs in my knickers....

Though probably won't mention that on the dating profile....

OP posts:

Helpforyou1 · 15/02/2013 11:53

Yes, It sucks

But, equally sucks for males and females.

I know for Females, there are so many dirty old men looking for ?fresh meat? and many guys looking for one nigh stands..

And for Males,there are so many ?yummy mumys? with a bunch of kids from different fathers, mostly on benefits looking for ?someone to take them on?.. no jobs or careers..

Surely we want to expose our kids to decent role models.??

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 15/02/2013 18:03

What so just because I'm a single Mum and I don't work I'm not a decent role model? Should I not be allowed to date? Have you considered that those 'yummy mummys' might actually be looking for exactly what presumably you are on a dating site; companionship, romance etc?

Piemother · 15/02/2013 20:42

Wow. Judgey post. Just wow

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 15/02/2013 21:01

What my post is judgey? I thought the one above was, quite offended by it actually.
Sorry,not my intention to start a bun fight, just touched a nerve.

Piemother · 15/02/2013 21:51

Nooo sorry I meant helps post. Totally agree with you please

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 15/02/2013 22:01

Aha, crossed wires! Thanks, wasn't sure if I'd overreacted or not. Glad to know I probably haven't!

Piemother · 15/02/2013 22:52

But then I'm a single mum so what do I know....too busy gold digging

Squeegle · 16/02/2013 19:53

But if not Internet dating then what? I am far too old to be picking up blokes in pubs/ clubs even if I could. Where can I find one? Is there a particularly good dating site does anyone know?

ParsleyTheLioness · 16/02/2013 20:44

I feel your pain. I was advised that if I went on a paid site, things would be better. They weren't. Well, maybe there were less time-wasters than POF. I imagine if you have spent real money on it you do not message people randomly. I don't know what the solution is tbh. I do think you need a thick skin for OD. I am maybe going to have a go at trying to get out there socially. Not pubs so much as photography, writers groups etc.

Squeegle · 16/02/2013 20:55

So did you not meet anyone suitable then Parsley? What was the paid site you tried? I thinking guardian soulmates, but wondering if too old (47)!

ParsleyTheLioness · 16/02/2013 21:06

I didn't meet anyone at all Sqeegle! I joined Match Affinity, and wasn't that impressed. By the site, also, didn't feel they were completely straight in how they did things....got one message, from a charm-school reject, and one from someone who clearly hadn't bothered to read my profile...On POF, have had about 300 messages. Some of those didn't have a pic, so v possibly married, some from the other end of the country so maybe married/just impractical. Some of the profiles were indicating a match was unlikely. About 6 dates provisionally organised that didn't come off. Bad vibes or mucking about on their part. That's over about a three month period, on POF. Never tried Guardian. And I'm 51, and yes, lots of them will date women from about 25, but no older than them. And often the cut off point is about five years younger than them... You're never too old, you just need the stomach for it!

Squeegle · 16/02/2013 21:12

Parsley how frustrating- and a waste of money to boot! Well, I would like to meet someone, and am probably robust enough to cope (just about) with the rejection- but not sure if I can cope with dishonesty etc , would be lovely if it was simpler wouldn't it? Also v little available time as usually looking after kids (like you?), so don't want to waste it. I might try guardian soulmates- need a pic as the one I submitted was rejected! (not through being too rude I hasten to add!)

SnappyWoof · 16/02/2013 23:51

As someone who has been on dating sites whilst being a working mum AND whilst not working, I can honestly say I didn't notice anyone better turning up once I had a job! Equally sodding useless both times! I agree with the ladies that being a role model is about the person.... Not just what they do for a living.

Have tried Soulmates, Times Encounters, Match... Still get weird foot fetishist old men in raincoats and people called Barry who live with their mum....Times and Guardian weirdos just generally have better spelling.....generally but not always...

Aargh!

I have decided now not to bother....feels too much like I'm wearing a placard saying 'I need a date!' when I go on there...when actually I just feel ambivalent but occasionally bored at the weekend ;-)

OP posts:

ShhBoom · 17/02/2013 10:08

I had a date last night, and I met him off of POF. Will definitely not be meeting him again, he was a complete weirdo, despite coming across as quite normal when I was chatting to him.

I've had a few dates from there before, but they've never amounted to anything. I was thinking about trying a paid site, but reading this thread I think I'm changing my mind!

It is very hard to meet people. I've also worked & agree that it doesn't necessarily mean you'll suddenly be flooded with gorgeous men ready to take you on a date!

Squeegle · 17/02/2013 12:08

Shhboom how annoying. What was so weird about him? Did you just meet for a drink and were able to leave quickly?

I don't really get this work/not work thing. What's that got to do with who you meet?

I think I am going to have to have a go- (how else am I going to meet anyone?), but I am listening and learning from the cautionary tales!

ShhBoom · 18/02/2013 20:36

He was just after one thing & made it quite obvious from the beginning, so i made my excuses & left!

Well i've always found that people will say "when you start work you'll start meeting new men" and they expect you to find someone straight away. Definitely not in my case!

Good luck, i agree it's so hard to find people. I'll persevere with it i think.

Squeegle · 19/02/2013 07:11

Good luck to you too. Shame about one track mind bloke, but at least you found out fast. I'm sure there are some nice ones around- it's just finding them that seems to be the challenge!

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