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he's walked out on me... now expects me to give him money!

5 replies

mumof3lovelykids · 11/02/2013 22:15

Ok, My husband walked out on me and my 3 Children (2 are his) on Sunday as he wasn't happy. He is now living with his mother, no job, no car, no money and expects me to give him a living allowance every month! We have a joint mortgage but as our children are all under 18 he can't make me sell, besides not much equity in it now! Has anyone else had this kind of problem? Should I give him money in case he gets into debt... will I be liable for any debt? I cant believe he has left me, now expecting me to give him money!!! Rant over!

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MatureUniStudent · 11/02/2013 23:15

Why would you support him? he is not at home, and thus looking after the children. So why would you support him?

My ex was entitled this way. He worked but expected me to pay him to take the children out (I am on benefits so not awash with money).

If you have a joint mortgage, then presumably at one time he worked. Did he stop working to look after the children? if he was still doing this then i can see a reason for maintenance but it sounds as if the children are with you.

If he gets into debt, then I cant see how you are liable as the debt would be in just his name. For you to be liable, you would have to sign up to the debt he wishes to take out - if that makes sense.

It's a raw time for you, he has just moved out. Dont do anything, nothing knee jerk - see a solicitor and get advice - that will give you strength and will let you know what your position is.

But no - dont give him money (what a cheek) and no, you are not liable for debts in his name alone, unless secured against the house.

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Catchingmockingbirds · 11/02/2013 23:21

Surely it should be the other way around, he gives you maintenance and helps with the mortgage? Don't give him any money.

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sooperdooper · 11/02/2013 23:25

Agree with catchingmockingbirds, he should be giving you money!!

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Letsmakecookies · 12/02/2013 08:00

As it is hard enough when marriages break down to get courts to give the RP any spousal maintenance, he can really go whistle. The only way he can get child or living maintenance from you, is if he is the RP, and for the latter the children probably need to be very young and you need to earn a lot. Don't give him a penny. I would however go and talk to a solicitor about the financial side and freeze any joint accounts you have (call the bank and tell them about the change in circumstances).

Remember he can just walk back into the home and live with you again, really do go and get some advice. When he realises he is not getting any pocket money and that you are not chasing after him, he may decide to start playing games.

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mumof3lovelykids · 12/02/2013 10:13

He hasn't worked for 16 months due to having panic attacks. He was a lorry driver so we agreed to let him stop and concentrate on an open university degree which he is half way through now. I have the children with me. He wants joint custody but I'm not going to make him leaving easy for him. I am absolutely devastated he's gone but now need to put me and the children first. I strongly believe he has mental health issues and I feel he has to hit rock bottom for him to see that.