My oldest child is nearly 12. My other children are 9 and 6.
I split from ex about a month ago after 13 years together after he had an affair.He is still living here for financial reasons but it is amicable now that I realise that he is an EA narc. While he was having the affair there was a lot of tension as he gaslighted ds1 and me over the affair.
Anyway, since the affair came to light ds1 has started to take on the role of good husband. He brings me constant cups of tea, buys presents with his pocket money, constantly telling me how much he loves me and been very affectionate. Before the affair he was sullen, moody, angry, mono-syllabic (basically a typical 11 year old). While I am happy that he is not moody I worry that he is insisting on taking on an adult role and have told him not to worry about me and that I am happy and looking forward to the future. He has not seen/heard me cry or argue with his Dad for weeks so I wonder why he pities me.
He says that he feels very sorry for me and that he wants to tell/show me how much he loves me now that he knows that his Dad does not. I have told him that I know how much he loves me (even when we argue) and that as an 11 year old he should be thinking about stuff like his friends.
I do not think I have relied on him too much and I do not bitch about his Dad or OW to him (only on the Internet). His relationship with his Dad has improved slightly now that his Dad is being more honest but I think he realises what his Dad is like now so has realistic (low) expectations of him.
How can I change things so that ds1 is able to be a child rather than "man of the house"? Is this a phase that some kids go through?
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Oldest taking on "husband" role
4 replies
50shadesofvomit · 06/02/2013 17:46
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