surprise pregnancy after long overdue clean break

[pleaseletmesmile]

My ex-partner and I have a two year old child together and have lived seperately since our child was 6 months old (him in France, me in the U.k) although we had conducted a long distance relationship, formerly with a view to perhaps reconciling and living together.
I wrote on mumsnet a few weeks ago to seek advice about what felt like a ridiculous relationship and I got some very sound and unbiased advice which i was grateful for. The upshot being that I told him I was not willing to continue a relationship with a man who did not contribute maintenace for his son, constantly lied to me and who nearly drove me to the edge of insanity.
It was a huge relief to let go of his hold and to start planning a future for my son and I. However having spent 3 weeks at christmas with my ex partner and one (only one!!!) ten minutes of festive passion I found out last week I am pregnant again.
I am delighted (if surprised) and I cannot help but think that some things are meant to be...the baby, not my relatinship with it's father. I haven't told anybody yet as I want to pass the 12 week stage first. I have told my ex and he presumed we would up sticks and live with him again (it's always got to be on his terain and terms) which i said would not be happening...I haven't heard from him since. My worry is how i am going to tell my family and friends that I stupidly got myself into this position. I am a single mother with a toddler and as of September i am going to have a newborn baby. I feel blessed but I can't help worry that I won't have the neccessary ability to be everything to my kids and that I will be a burden to my parents.
Any advice? Ms. Hormonaly charged

[betterthanever]

What if your parents will not support you?

[pleaseletmesmile]

I am an adult and I got myself into this situation, so it is my responsibility. My parents are lovely and currently help me by babysitting when they can. If they decide not to support me then I will respect their decision and do what I have always done and just get on with it.

[sanityseeker75]

pleaseletmesmile I have never been in your situation so have no real practical advise however I think you have said it your self in your second post. You are an adult, you know the situation you are in and are prepared for the responsibility.

I think you are being brave and sound very level headed about the situation and yeay you for not being with someone just for the sake of the children. As for can you be everything for them? Well no in reality you can not but you can give them a loving home and a chance at a relationship with dad if thats what he is prepared to do eventually. I don't think this is a bad thing because nobody can be everything to there kids, they just try their best.

You are clearly very happy about bump so all the very best to you and your growing little family :)

[pleaseletmesmile]

Thank you so much Sanityseeker75, your kind message has really cheered me up. Please DON'T get yourself into my situation :-) I might be happy to be having another (hopefully healthy) child but the nonsense attached to the whole situation is rather stressful.
Thans again and best of luck for your future

[SPBInDisguise]

What are the implications of your parents not supporting you? Do you currently live with them.

It sounds as though a baby is about to come into the world who will have a loving caring mother and a wonderful big brother. Congratulations :o

[pleaseletmesmile]

Hi SPBIn disguise, thank you to you too for your nice message. I have my own home and I earn my own money so my parents have no worries about having to support me. I am a bit worried about the emotional support. Nobody wants to disappoint their family and I know I will have as they took a dislike to my ex when I left him a year and a half ago.
It is probably a battle with my own conscience that is tormenting me, I should not have got into this position but I did and now i have to deal with it. My parents adore their grandson so i am almost certain they will love the next grandchild just as much.
Thanks for your message and best of luck to you

[angelelle]

Hi. not been in this situation but i have a friend who has two beautiful baby boys by the same, very disinterested tool of a father. The boys are about 10 yrs apart in age and son nr 2 came to be from what i understand was quite a random shag (he was passing through the town she lives in). I think it is great. She always wanted more than one child and now has two whole siblings. she is a fantastic mum and we both totally think this was meant to be.

sorry if i am rambling and unhelpful but just wanted to share that :)

[pleaseletmesmile]

Hi Angelelle, your email made me laugh, thank you. Despite the 'tool of a father' and the random shag, your friend sounds very happy which is great news.
It is so sad that some men are such a waste of space, all we mothers can do is try and ensure we raise our own son's to respect women and take responsibility for all their actions.
You weren't rambling at all, any positive feedback is always welcome.
Take care and thanks

[angelelle]

Oh i know all about tools of fathers. my dd is four months old and her dad has met her once and doesn't care a jot about us. very very sad but ultimately try and see it as his loss.

good luck with everything

xx

[feelingsik]

as mad as this story sounds I think that in the long term it is fantastic for your dc to be siblings, to share the same dad... (and the same problems but that's the other side of the story) Sorry not much help, just looking on the positive side of things :-)