He was always like this when we were married. I don't think once in twelve years did he ever say sorry to anyone apart from when he thought he was going to lose something.
He is completely unreliable, he does work funny hours and I don't mind being flexible but he's requested midnight pick ups before now and been hours late for pick ups with no apology, explanation or contact initiated by him.
Last weekend ds asked him if he was having him for the weekend as he wanted to go to the cinema Friday evening. Ex is supposed to have him from 6 on fri eve to 6 on Sunday. Most Fridays he doesn't make it and for years I have told ds he can't go out or have friends round on dads Friday despite him mostly not picking him up. So I told ds he could go last fri if his dad couldn't promise to pick him up on fri. Ds is 14 so arranged it with dad himself. Ex text me on fri eve and we arranged to meet at a town 12 miles from me at 11am next morning as I was going there anyway and it's nearer for ex (who moved 80 miles away and rents our old marital home in my town out).
At 11.30 he texts me to ask where I am, so I phone him thinking he's in the town and a few mins away albeit half an hr late. He hadn't even left home an hour and a half away. No apology. I told him I was now going to another town which is even nearer to him to see friends and then he says actually i don't think I'll bother coming as I'll see him on Boxing Day (which he asked me three times when it was!)
He told me this evening on the phone that he's not unreliable and he wants to see ds more! This from the man who has never taken ds on holiday and often will go months without seeing him. He has taken his new baby on holiday however.
Ds can't do homework whilst at dads as dad won't let him use his laptop and he has to sleep on the sofa despite there being a room there for his ex partners son who is at university, so ds could have a put you up or normal bed in there. Ex didn't pay maintenance for nearly eight years, not even bought him a toothbrush at his house....You get the gist here.
I've always bitten my tongue and considered myself to be the bigger person but I'm so fed up now. Hearing ex pretending he's a perfect dad when he is so far removed from it.
I live with my step daughter and have 3 other step kids so. I know what it takes to be a good parent and my dp and I work hard for all the kids. My ex has never even been to one parents evening.
I'm wondering by allowing my ex to carry on as he does that I'm teaching ds that dp and I are a pushover?
My ex has four grown up children, three of whom don't see him because as soon as they've tried to reason with him he just denies any wrong doing and cuts them off.
So I KNOW he will walk away from ds if I put my foot down with him and I know he will twist it and tell ds it's my fault.
I'm feeling particularly fed up at the moment but I normally tell myself to be the bigger person and try and not let it affect my life too much.
Any advice or similar tales?
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Why is nothing my ex's fault?
11 replies
theredhen · 28/12/2012 22:06
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