advice please! from those who relocated because of their partner's job

[beforesunrise]

hi all. my dh and i have been living in london for almost 10 years. we are both foreigners who came to study here, then we met, fell in love, had two kids, and here we are :-)

we have idle talk of leaving london at some point. something we both wanted, to different degrees. now things have suddenly accelerated as my dh got an offer to work in ZUrich and he is extremely tempted to accept. i have always said if that happened i'd be supportive and i genuinely do think switzerland is better for our family as a whole.

however, i am not really sure where that leaves ME! i think i could find a job there, but of course there is no guarantee and there is no gtee i will like it. while i dont have such a stellar career here and neither i want to, i genuinely love my job and i think i am very good at it. unlikely that i would be able to continue in the same field.

and while i think i should be a sahm for a while (apart from everything dd2 is only 2 months!) to make sure we all settle well etc, i really really dont want to be a sahm forever. and in my field being out for more than a year means professional suicide.

so- i dont know. i always though as a woman i should put my family first and my prof life second, but i am so scared i will end up hating my life and resenting dh for it.

any experience or advice gratefully received...

[Alexa808]

Hello beforesunrise,

is the company your dh is signing up to a big one? Some comps offer spousal relocation packages, too. Do you work in the same industry?

I have relocated with my dh and given up my job but am 6 months + pregnant so won't get job offers for now (mat leave here is 3 months anyway...) Luckily I've worked in this city before and have my old contact details.

If you were to be a SAHM for a year or so is there a chance you could do another degree? A course? Anything to upgrade yourself while staying 'in', will be seen as extremely beneficial to you finding a new job. How's your German? A language course is always good and you'll make new friends quickly.

Zurich's lovely. Good luck!!

[Alexa808]

spousal relocation means they'll try to get you a job in their comp, too. Or with any suppliers, etc.

[Figfingers]

Hi BS

Similar situation, I had been in London for 7 years (also a foreigner) and my DP was offered a job in Spain.

It was a v. tough decision as we had only been together a year but I knew I needed a change. Like you, I didn´t have a stellar career but had a fantastic job that paid well and truly fantastic work environment.

I admit the move put lots of strain on the relationship initially as they didn´t offer much in terms of helping relocate, so I was at home while my partner settled in his role, learned a bit od spanish, etc.

I am spanish speaker so that made things a whole lot easier when sorting phone, internet, flat, car, etc.

I think it would be a lot easier if your DP´s company helps with relocating, that´s a lot of stress you can do without and try and enjoy your experience in your new home.

Hope that helps and good luck,

Fig

[Bettymamma]

Ah beforesunrise! We are in very similar situations - I've just written on your other thread. I've also just given up my job (marketing manager) and was on maternity leave for dd2 (6 months.) We move to Zurich at the beginning of October.

I've spoken to a couple of mums in Zurich who my dh knows and they have got back into work a year after moving there. But then again I don't know what you do.

Let me know how its going and if he choses to accept the job. I absolutely loved Zurich when we went out for a visit and think it'll be fantastic for the kids. We're busy trying to rent our house at the moment and I'm trying to learn German!!

[beforesunrise]

thanks everyone. it is so hard isn't it. Bettymama- in case we diecide to move, can i get in touch??? would be good to know someone and get all the tips! can i email you through mumsnet (i am sorry a bit clueless about it all!)

[Poppycake]

Hi - I have moved a few times (and to a few countries!) with dp -tho hopefully we are settled now! I def took the attitude that it was all opportunities to try new things - jobs, friends etc and although my CV is a bit weird, I think the fact that I have always coped means that I look like a "coper" and adaptable etc - certainly my last set of 3 interviews when we moved up here led to 3 job offers, so it clearly wasn't a stumbling block.

And, even tho I love being settled (have lived in teh same place nearly two years now ) I would leap at the chance to live in Zurich! Yes, the German is weird (if you're already a German speaker - would almost be better if you weren't, I reckon, the Swiss German is so crazy sounding!!) but the city and country are so draw-droppingly beautiful and the lifestyle so fantastic. Lucky you and lucky kids if you go!!

[Bettymamma]

Yes definitely beforesundrise! I think you can email me through mumsnet. I will check my contact details are correct. I'd appreciate having someone else out there to contact as well if you do go for it.

Poppycake - I thought it would also look like a legitimate career break on the cv and the kids are so young its a good time to do it. Yes Swiss German is a minefield!

[beforesunrise]

ah yes- german! i almost forgot i have to learn it

dh is a native german speaker so we speak it at home, but dd (2y and half) already speaks it much better than me!

[beforesunrise]

bettymamma- i clicked on the little envelope and got this message:

Sorry, Bettymamma has chosen not to receive "Contact another Mumsnetter" email from mumsnet. We can't pass a message on for you.
If you wish, post a message on talk requesting that Bettymamma revise this on the email options page. Or ask them to send a C-A-M message to you.

[Bettymamma]

oopss! I'll revise it and attempt that C-A-M message thing.

[Bettymamma]

Its taken 10 hours but i think i've done it!

[beforesunrise]

thanks Betty! we are waiting for the formal offer today, so i reckon we have a week of decisions ahead of us! but i will def let you know if we decide to move to Zurich. it is already less daunting to know that i already "know" someone :-)

[unclefluffy]

I moved to the States with my other half - we were there for two-and-a-half years and came home this spring. I gave up a well-paid job in a great company to follow him. I had a great time - had more fun than he did, I think. His company helped with paperwork etc, which really helped, and I found a job there (after a long-ish period of volunteering) which also helped. The best thing I did was join a sports club, though - they were the backbone of our social life while we were there. Working was good for me, but it wasn't as important as the other great things we did. Now I'm back, pregnant and not working - found out I was pregnant the week we arrived back in the UK! It's resulting in an odd-looking career break, but I'm signed up for another degree (starting 2009) so I feel like I have a plan. I agree with Poppycake - it sounds like a great opportunity. It might adjust your expectations of yourself, your opinion of yourself, but for me that's only been a good thing.