Missing your family?

[SheWillBeLoved]

DP and I have been looking at moving abroad for some time now and have finally settled on a place that pleases us both - Dominican Republic.

I'm from a large, very close family. We all live in the same area, and have done since before I was even born. Me and DP currently live 2 miles from the rest of my family, who all live literally over the road or around the corner from each other. I'm used to that closeness, it's what i've grown up with. I'm 23 by the way.

He on the other hand, has nothing to do with his family besides his mum, sister and her husband and kids and visits on average once a month. Infact there are certain family that he has to avoid because of past events, making him even more keen to get as far away as possible.

Now to the point Is it pathetic that me, a grown woman of 23, is reduced to tears at times at the thought of moving 4000 miles away from my family? I really struggle at times to think about how i'll cope not seeing them as often as i'm used to. My parents are getting on now, early/mid 60's (mum thought I was the menopause ), and it terrifies me when I think that i'm moving away for what would potentially be for good as we're setting up a business, and without being morbid - not being around to watch them grow old.

On the other hand, part of me thinks that you only live once, I don't want to spend my life in glorious Liverpool, and I don't want missing my family to hold me back.

I really thought I was stronger than that, but sometimes it's too much to even think about

Has anyone been through this? Any tips on how you got over the guilt of leaving your family behind?

[OhNooo]

Hi SheWillBeLoved, did not want to read and run and as I have been through this I thought I should say something. I moved to the UK 5 1/2 years ago. It is not easy leaving all your family, I was 20 when I left. The first couple of weeks is difficult but it does get easier. I'm seeing my mum on average 2 a year and my dad once every year. I'm from South Africa.

With the internet and phone it does not feel that far, I mail home everyday and phone home at least once a week.

When I came over 5 years ago I came on my own and have since met a South African guy which I married and I'm expecting our 2nd child. I find it worse since I had my Dd 2 years ago, no babysitters around the corner!

Hope this helps, shout if you need any more words of encouragement.

[SheWillBeLoved]

Thanks OhNooo

I will be counting on the internet/phone alot. All of my sisters/brothers (7 of us!) have jobs, no less than 2 children and husbands/partners, and with flights at over £550 per person, it's not going to be a case of "Oh why don't you all fly over for the week?" very often at all.

I know I will adjust, I have no choice really as I want it to work, just having abit of trouble figuring out how I will

DP can't really sympathise what with his faily situation, so at times I feel like the only idiot in the world crying over missing her mummy

[SheWillBeLoved]

Califrau - helpful, thank you

Looks like i'll have to teach the parents how to switch one of these things on before we go

I just feel incredibly guilty at times. I haven't even been able to bring myself to mention it to anyone but one sister yet and her response was "why would you wanna move?!" I sort of feel like i'm abandoning ship, but at the same time, I have to do whats right for me I guess.

[SqueakyPop]

We don't miss family on a day-to-day level, but we would like to see them more often. I would love for my kids to see their cousins more than once every 3 years.

[SSSandy2]

why do you think it IS right for you to move overseas shewill?

[OhNooo]

Don't worry you are not the only one crying that she is not near her mummy. I'm in the same situation as you my husband is not as close the his family as I'm to mine.

I have to say, my mum arrives on thursday for a 3 week visit. Can't wait , she has also said that she is not missing the birth of her 2nd grandchild later this year.

I know what you mean about the flights we have just bouht a house and I don't think we will be able to go and visit for a few years.

As I said my parents come over every so often but none of my husbands family has ever visited him here.

It helps to have a husband's shoulder to cry on, and like I said with the internet and phones it's not that bad. I think the worst is christmas since in my family we all use to get together and with the price of flights over christmas I don't thik we will ever be going over.

Hope your plans work out. If you want I can give you my email addy if you feel alone, it is not always easy when you do feel home sick to phone home since it makes it worse for the people on the other side of the phone. You might just wanted to phone to hear your mothers voice where she might think the worst.

[SheWillBeLoved]

SSSandy2 - it's something i've always wanted to do, but always felt I couldn't because of the closeness of our family. Any mention of moving abroad from anyone and they recoil in horror.

I've always wanted to live and work somewhere as tropical as the DR, i've always wanted to run my own business, and i'm with someone who wants the same thing, and I feel like a fool if I pass this opportunity up, because i'd miss my family.

It's definately what I want, I just forsee the first couple of months being incredibly sad for me and i'm just trying to figure out how to ease that.