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Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Living overseas

Lonely-Just moved to Brisbane from UK

16 replies

wheezie · 15/04/2008 05:14

Hi, have been in australia a few weeks now. we have settled in New farm. have been desperately trying to find stuff for kids to do to get us out of the house. living in a fantastic location but dont know anyone. went to playgroup yesterday and spoke to an english mum who runs it. but can hardly go up to people and say pls can i meet up cause i have no friends. i know it takes time. would just love to meet up with anyone nearby for coffee. If anyone nearby pls get in touch. thanks

wheezie

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eidsvold · 15/04/2008 05:21

I am in Brisbane but not nearby - although we keep talking about having a mnetter meet up in Brisbane as there are a few of us.

The park at New Farm on the river - New Farm Park has a fabulous play area that is the place to be on the weekend. We have on the odd occasion taken the girls there to play. Try a trip along the river on the city cat to southbank - again play areas to play and kodak beach for a swim.

How old are your children??

wheezie · 15/04/2008 10:00

HI thanks for getting in touch. the park is fantastic and there are loads of mums around there. you just feel like u cant walk up and suddenly start chatting and invite yourslef along for coffee. we do try and get out and about a lot but would be so nice to meet other mums with kids. i have a 14 month old and a 4 yr old although hes nearly 5. He just missed starting school last january by 1 week so playgroup/activites he always seems to be oldest there. whereabouts are you? let me know if ever u come this way.

Wheezie

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ninedragons · 15/04/2008 10:22

Afraid you do just have to go up to people and say "I have no friends and I am going mad. Can I play with you please?"

I am in Shanghai and all our friends work full-time. When I had a baby in January I found myself completely isolated. A few weeks ago I overheard someone at the next table at the pub quiz talking about her baby and just launched myself on her, email address in hand, and now I have someone to go to lunch with.

Probably helped that I was a little squiffy when I did it, but honestly, you just have to screw up your courage. Aussies are a friendly bunch, they won't blank you.

bringmesunshine · 15/04/2008 10:30

No advice Wheezie and I am still in the UK - moving to S.Africa next year, but just wanted to say I am sure it will get easier for you.

In preparation for our move next year I have been going through all the threads on living overseas and 1 suggestion I did see that I plan on using when we move was to put invitations through the houses on your street and invite the neighbours round for a drink and nibble. You will probably find like minded people this way.

I hope it gets easier

chloeb2002 · 15/04/2008 23:18

hello another brisbane bod, we have been here since November dd is 5 and baby due any day now so not playing out much! We also live north of bris so a bit away, we do evnture down to the city sometimes tho.. are planning a trip to the state library and gallery stuff one sunday after the baby. I dito the hard to do bit of just being honest and speaking to people and saying, hey i know no one what is there to do here. Swimming lessons are good places to meet people too. Is your DS not 5 before june 30th? had he started school in the uk? you may be able to appeal entry to prep if it is only a week and he had started allready in the uk? dont hold your breath tho! school has been a great way to meet people although the same thing applys lots of i am new talk to me pleases!
Playgroup has been ok but only made one friend as such that way, i guess it depends on how you fit in?

wheezie · 16/04/2008 05:41

HI chloeb, good luck with the baby. my little one had not started school, he was due to start in january and we left 31st so we just kept him at pre-school. went to playgp today and someone telling me abt kindi as opposed to daycare. bit difficult to get my head round it all. sounds better as its bit more formal in preparation for school and a hell of a lot cheaper. plus its just term time which suits us better. will look into that. have lived overseas before although didnt have the kids then. guess it just takes time. plus he got swimming assessment tomorrow to see which group he will go into. know it just takes time.

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eidsvold · 16/04/2008 07:33

I was going to recommend Kindy - dd1 attended and loved it. As your ds is pre prep - if there are no places he would certainly be in line for a place if one came up.

You can attend day care for a kindy time - so 9 til about 2 if there is no kindy for him to get into.

Try this website for C and K kindy's. There are independent ones as well.

c and K website

I found I would just chat about how old child was - make some comment on outfit, if they come to the park often or even ask advice about great places to go with kids - we all like being asked our opinion on things was a way into some groups. It does take time though as with anything.

taipo · 16/04/2008 08:02

It's hard isn't it when you have to start all over again. I've done this loads of times now and am still not very good at it. I agree with the others though that you will just have to ambush people. I hate doing it but it does work.

When dd was having problems settling into her new school last year and finding friends I took the plunge and phoned the mother of a girl in her class. I was so nervous about doing it but that girl became dd's best friend and I get on really well with her mum.

I suppose the worst that can happen is that they say they're not interested in which case you move on to someone else.

Good luck.

chloeb2002 · 16/04/2008 08:28

eidsvold dont the main childcare centres have kindy rooms? like ABC etc. I know we have a c and K but it is well oversubscribed.
at least on a plus it has stopped raining long enough for a trip to the park . Will you be working wheezie? that can sometimes help put up routes of conversation.

eidsvold · 16/04/2008 13:31

I am sure they do and there are some community kindergartens that are not affiliated with C and K. So they are worth a try. There is always pcyc have activities on for kids.

wheezie · 17/04/2008 04:31

hi, have been to lady gowrie kindi today and think i will send him there. seems to be better for his age group. luckily they have a couple of spaces. yesterday i spoke to a lady whose little boy goes to same day care. we agreed to meet up or at least take the 2 boys to the park together, although she is off back to germany in june for good. but its a start. we are also trialling a kids gym class on monday and swimming later today.

no plans to work yet. am a teacher and was going to try to do bit of supply eventually although thats hard with childcare as i could set aside a day, pay the childcare and not get work.

thanks for all suggestions though, its working!!

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Earlybird · 17/04/2008 12:32

It is very hard to be the new person/family, and to cope with those initial feelings of isolation. And while you may feel odd about 'hello I'm new and don't have any friends' as an opening statement, there are more subtle ways to convey that message.

If you're standing next to someone on the swings, or watching your dc play in the sandpit, you can start to chat to whoever is next to you - something like 'how old is your dc' or even 'they're having fun playing together aren't they - do you live 'round here? We're new to the area...."

It can (and will) happen much more naturally than spotting a Mum across the way and homing in on her like a missile... Good luck with it all, and don't get down in these early days.

scully · 19/04/2008 03:54

Hiya Wheezie, welcome to Brisbane We moved back here 18mths ago after 11yrs in the UK and even though I had grown up in Brisbane, didn't have any friends who had children my dd's ages, who lived nearby. When dd1 started Prep last year, I started taking dd2 to playgroup one morning a week. Didn't make any lasting friendships but it was a chance for her and I to get out and meet people each week, at something organised.
Have met some lovely people through dd1's school, although that has also taken a while to get to know people, but we're at the school 8yrs with each child so I figure we have time
Was your ds at school in the UK? Does he turn 5 in July?

copycat · 19/04/2008 08:37

Hi wheezie, I expect you must already be familiar with these websites but just in case I'll post the links anyway: Brits In Brisbane and Poms In Oz and British Expats Here is a link to the British Expats 'Meet-up' forum britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=95
Whilst I am sure you didn't emigrate to Australia to only make friends with fellow Brits there are loads of other British Mums like you who are lonely and would love to meet up. I do hope you make some friends soon.

wheezie · 20/04/2008 11:02

Thanks copycat. i wasnt familiar with those websites so will definitely have a look at them. of course i am open to meet people of any nationaility but it is always nice to be able to talk abt stuff back in the uk and what we miss and dont miss.

wheezie

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copycat · 20/04/2008 22:26

wheezie - you will find lots of friends there I promise you. There are lots of mums in the same boat as you. Even chatting online with some 'locals' will help. I'm sure you and your dp and children will make some friends in the coming weeks.

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