Moving abroad with toddler: any tips on preparation for her?

[claraquitetirednow]

We are probably moving overseas this summer with our (now) 2.5 year old and (now) 9-week-old dd's. I am a little concerned about the effect this will have on the older dd, who has already been a little upset since the arrival of her new sister in December. Has anyone got any experience of this they can share, any books they can recommend to prepare her etc? At the moment we have not really talked about it but I want her to try and understand what's going on nearer the time.

She has travelled abroad before but only for holidays. We are likely to be gone for between 2 and 4 years.

Thanks!

[VanillaPumpkin]

I moved back from overseas with dd1 and 2 when they were nearly 3 and 6 mths. Dd1 had been living overseas from 4 mths so it was all she knew. Tbh we tried not to make a big deal of it and just big upped all the positives everytime we talked about it. They are very young and adaptable at that age. She was desperate for some company though. We were sort of homeless for three weeks and so had no routine and she missed toddlers and her creche. We took her to visit one of the Nurseries I was considering and she walked straight in and sat herself down and started talking to everyone . We were all .
We did have some sleep issues to contend with though, so there was some fallout with her refusing to go to bed, when she had previously been great. This took time and patience but I think this would have happened with any move not just an overseas one.
It sounds great. Where are you off to?
I would just treat it like a normal move tbh.

[claraquitetirednow]

thanks - that is useful. we are going to islamabad with dh's job - a hardship posting but lots of other expat families with young children so that should help. where were you.
sorry about lack of capitals - typing one-handed with baby in other arm...

[cameroonmama]

We have moved around a great deal and the dc have always adapted incredibly quickly. I find that stick to your usual routine, foods (if you can) and some of her favourite toys always helps them.

Getting mine into school/pre-school/creche if they are used to it, straight on arrival also helped enormously and talking to them before hand about their new school and house, showing some pictures of it if you can also helped them to understand what was going to happen.

The most important thing is that they see mummy and daddy staying calm (not easy during an overseas move!!) and being reassuring whilst giving them lots of hugs and kisses. I also tend to overlook any minor naughtiness!

The fact that you will be with other families with small kids will help enormously.

Good luck!

[VanillaPumpkin]

Oh, it is great you will be with other expat families with children. This support will be great for you and your children.
We did it the easy way really as DH is in HM Forces so we had a lot of assistance. We were in Cyprus for just over 2.5 years. I loved it, but liked the safety net that we would be returning to the UK eventually IYSWIM. I made the best of friends out there. We were all in the same boat and really pulled together. One of them is my dd1's godmother now and I am her dd3's . I miss them more than Cyprus.

[claraquitetirednow]

Cameroonmama - are you from Cameroon? My parents used to live there - in fact he was the British Ambassador there in the 1990's! I visited a couple of times and travelled around quite a lot, an incredibly interesting country.

[cameroonmama]

Wow Clara, that's amazing, you don't find many people who have been to Cameroon! I'm not Cameroonian, just lived there, now in Nairobi. It is a remarkable country and we had great fun travelling all over, we took the dc right up north to some barely accessible villages as well as down to all the amazing beaches...did your father enjoy living there?

What will your dh be doing in Islamabad?

[ghosty]

We moved to NZ when DS was 2 and 4 months and to be honest I don't think we did much in the way of preparation. He didn't suffer at all (he was a crap sleeper anyway so it couldn't get worse ). He was fine with the whole thing and took it in his stride.
DD was 3 and 2 months when we left NZ to move to Australia and it was much much harder on her than it had been on DS when he was 2 - I think because she was older and had begun to be very close to a couple of friends ... we have been here for 10 months now and two days ago she said, totally out of the blue, "Mummy, I really miss New Zealand. I wish I could see Charlotte and Ollie and Hannah ... "
DS was 7 when we moved from NZ to Aus and he struggled too but we were able to prepare him more and he was able to work out more in his head about what he needed to do and why we were moving ...

[claraquitetirednow]

Cameroonmama - yes my parents loved it. They are very keen bird watchers so I think that helped. They got to travel all over, as well as to neighbouring countries like Equatorial Guinea, which i think was quite an eye opener. I did a trip up to the north (Wazza game reserve?) and also to the south west,Bamenda and around there, the english speaking bit. It was a brilliant opportunity to visit a country which really isn't on the tourist trail!

I have to admit some of the food was a bit iffy though....

Nairobi must be interesting - funnily enough it was one of the possible places we might be going if not Islamabad (still slightly up in the air but probably is Pakistan). My DH will be based at the British High Commission.

What do you do to move around so much?

[claraquitetirednow]

Ghosty - thanks, I hope my dd will be as chilled as your ds obviously was. She does seem quite sensitive at the moment but hopefully will take it all in her stride!

[VanillaPumpkin]

I hope she will surprise you. You are being very thoughtful about it all so I think it will go very smoothly. I don't think I took the time to 'prepare' dd1 at all . We just told her what was happening I suppose and tried not to make it a big deal. She did help me packing though and I remember thinking how grown up she was as she kissed her toys goodbye and put them in the box to be shipped.

[cameroonmama]

Clara, I had a feeling you might be BHC! Can't you change and come to Nairobi instead? We know some BHC folk here and we would all make you welcome

We loved it around Bamenda with the rolling green hills, but the north was so very fascinating, Waza was a little empty after so much time in east africa! Dh used to work for Guinness, now he has set up a consulting company and in theory we are here for good, no more moving around

You sound like a natural Clara and I'm sure you will both be fine. fwiw my older two (now 6 and 3) often are unsettled and play up a bit before the move but once we arrive are absolutely fine.