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Living overseas

want/need to take boys home but it's so far and expensive

13 replies

sibble · 02/10/2007 00:26

I know we choose to live in NZ and the downside is it's so far away but am feeling very today. Want to see my Nan and take the boys home. Couldn't afford to go this year and It's the first year I've not gone home since beign here. All excited decided would go next May, would go for 4-5 weeks, dh would join us for 2-3 and we would go away with my family. So off to the travel agents then reality set in $10k just for flights at the moment, economy not even fancy. 2 weeks in Spain accomodation and flights from UK only $3,500. We just don't have a spare $20k for a trip home. So I'll go with the boys on my own and dh will join us for 2 weeks in Noosa (OZ) if we can afford that. It will still cost an arm and a leg and again mean that we won't be able to holiday anywhere else. We would love to go to the South Island or Hawkes Bay but havn't had a holiday this year, ploughed money into house renovations. I'm just so hacked off that my family won't come here, every time I have to hike over on own with 2 boys in tow at our expense. My mum is being her usual negative self - everything is not quite convenient - they want to go to Spain in May if we go and don't go to Spain we will ruin their hols, but sil and sister can only have school hols off so if want to do things with them and niece need to go then...blah blah blah. My dad suggested they pay for the boys fares hurray, but my mum won't let him although they can afford it because 'if you chose to live there that's your problem [read penance]. So last week was excited this week very and it all seems to hard but I miss my Nan.

Sorry to ramble on but can't let rip to dh as he's already pee'd off all our holiday funds are spent going home and he's likely to say stuff it you're not going so have let rip on here.

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Albus · 02/10/2007 00:48

Oh, tell me about it. We live in Brazil and DS and I are desperate to go back to the UK to see his grandparents (my parents) and his cousins. He hasn't see them for two years! So last week I was checking for the cheapest time to go, it's about now actually but even economy will cost about 4 months wages and we just don't have it!
My parents constantly plead poverty but then how come so far this year they've been to New York, France several time and Austria just for holidays and have just booked a tour to Egypt for January!
I don't get it!!!
You have my empathy Sibble.

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sibble · 02/10/2007 01:40

I know, my parents holiday abroad 3 times/year. Sister is very poor but managed to go swimming with the dolphins in the Azures a month or so ago and goes for 'long weekends' monthly somewhere. I have to say though that she has made the effort and come once. I think it's not helping that I was so excited last time I went and it was dreadful. I couldn't bear staying with my parents, who are well meaning but......too long to ramble on about. I couldn't wait to get on the plane to come home. With mum being so difficult before the flights are even booked I'm starting to wonder why I'm bothering. Small doses of my family is good but 4 weeks in close confinement is hard, but it's the only way to do it when you live here.

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kjaysmum · 04/10/2007 20:34

ahh sibble only just saw this, how old is your nan? too old for the plane I guess. I met some 70 year olds on the plane coming back from singapore and my step dad is up for it and he's 86, mind you he's an incredibly good 86. Otherwise my sympathies, Sibble, it's so hard, can't the family help you out collectively, I know it's a hard thing to ask but in the end your doing the hard bit by travelling so far with your boys, just a thought x

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kindersurprise · 04/10/2007 21:29

oh, poor you. I think that we are so used to the cheap flights between Europe and UK that it is easy to forget how much more expensive it is to fly over from NL/OZ etc.

We are lucky, living in Germany means we can go for a weekend if we want. I really feel for you as I know how it is to just want to go home.

My Gran flew to Australia when she was 80, with her elder sister. They had to have a brandy to calm their nerves before boarding though.

Would your Nan be able to manage a flight?

Your family sound really selfish. Do they not want to see their GC more often? Very sad.

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SSSandy2 · 05/10/2007 08:25

They are probably hurt that you moved so far away and they resent not seeing their gdc as often as they'd like. They are probably not monsters you know. And staying with your dp for 4 weeks - OMG I KNOW. First 4 days are great and then everything goes downhill fast. Can understand you not wanting to do it.

It is hard sibble, I know all about it.

My grandmother made it out to Australia for my sister's wedding. She flew alone from the UK at 75 and I was amazed at how well she managed. Could you pay for a comfortable flight/stop-over for your gran instead this time? Do you think she would be willing to do that?

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Shells · 07/10/2007 21:23

I really feel for you Sibble. I was in the other situation and had left NZ to live in UK and for years and years I spent all my savings on coming back to NZ to see family and it was quite often stressful and I always felt like I was somehow doing 'penance'. We have now moved back here to NZ and we are broke after years of no savings and I wonder why I spent all that money (extremely expensive with kids) when no-one else in the family was making the effort. I think, in retrospect, that you don't have to make amends for living abroad. Its a complex and difficult decision anyway. If you are always the one making the trip then you are letting them off the hook somehow.
It must be hard because of your Nan though. I feel for you for that reason.

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fatslag · 07/10/2007 21:31

DH is Australian. His mother and 2 aunties (all in their late 70's) have made it over to see us in the last year. My Mum and Dad, same ages as the inlaws, flew over 2 NZ and had a ball.

Is there any way of persuading your Nan to make the trip?

Incidentally, we have the opposite problem. DH desperately wants to go to Oz as most of his family have never met our kids, but for 4 of us it is just too expensive...

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sibble · 08/10/2007 02:49

Thanks for all your messages. I did offer to pay for my Nan and sister to come here. 2 adults is cheaper than 2 adults and 2 children and our spending money in London. My family are adamant my nan who is mid 80's wouldn't make the journey and she won't come on her own (and I don't blame her).

It's horrible going on my own each time but better than not going at all.

Just to give you a better picture of my mum. We spoke again this morning, my sister has sold her flat and is moving home until she finds a house to buy. So my mum said could we not book our flights until my sister finds a place to buy as we can't all stay with her . In the nicest possible way I tried to explain that it's not like pitching up at the tube and buying a poxy cheap day return ticket. When the cheap flights are released in 3 weeks time, if I don't book I wont' be coming. 'That's a bit inconvenient really' was her reply She's also not sure how much time she will have off work while we're there as they do want to go to Spain around the same time. aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh why am I going home??? If dh could spare the time/hack the pace I'd leave the boys here and go on my own for 3 weeks to see my Nan.

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Shells · 08/10/2007 05:51

Oh Sibble. Your mum sounds like hard work and sounds like she has a lot to work through about you not being there. I guess you need to think hard about how much you need to see your Nan this time. It sounds like the family are barely appreciating your efforts and that can't be good for your self esteem.

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ghosty · 08/10/2007 06:07

Sibble, I feel your pain love.
I'll give you a call in a couple of days and you can rant to me ...
I am homesick too - for two places now and it stinks. Homesickness does I mean.

My mum had a knee replacement op last week. I was on the phone every day to my dad and wished so much I could go and stay to help them out (they are living on Tesco ready meals at the moment as my dad can't cook and mum is incapacitated right now)

I also know the DH thing. My DH refused point blank to spend any more money on a 'holiday' that isn't a holiday.

But of course I am expected to go to NZ to see his mother at xmas aren't I?

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SSSandy2 · 08/10/2007 09:15

sibble if you haven't already booked your flights, I think don't go this time round. Have a nice relaxing trip out to Samoa or Fiji with dh and the dc and wait and see if your mum changes her tune re next year.

I know the dilemna you are in , really I do but your mum is making out it is all a great nuisance to her and I don't think you need that.

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tribpot · 08/10/2007 09:19

Also, has anyone actually asked your nan if she thought she could hack the flight? My grandparents are in their late eighties and quite regularly fly to Canada. Okay, not as far as NZ but you could maybe break the flight up with some downtime in Singapore or similar? I imagine your nan is not in possession of a PC and a webcam but is there anyone there who could set it up so you could at least see each other whilst talking? Would give her a chance to see the boys as well.

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sibble · 09/10/2007 19:52

Thanks all again, Nan has said she doesn't like the thought of the flight, I think if somebody was a little more enthusiastic about coming with her she would though. My parents have a webcam so see the boys often but Nan's dependent on them taking her round to see us which happens once in a blue moon. I suggested getting her one but in her own words if she can't drive the video or oven timer she doesn't fancy her chances with the webcam .

Well I have 2-3 weeks to decide what to do and as dh said 'I should know what they are like, what I'm going home to etc..why set yourself up to get disappointed' which is true but it doesn't stop you feeling a little sad at the lack of understanding and excitement.

I have to say I'd hyped the boys up about going and they will be very disappointed if we don't go now (they love their Grandad).

Anyway thanks again all

Thanks everybody though for your words.

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