Talking to children about moving overseas

[Honoroaky]

We move to Singapore in Mid November. DD will turn 3 in December.

I'd be really interested to hear how others have approached talking about, and planning, moving abroad with children of this age (and generally really).

DD has surprised me recently with how much her attachment to others outside our immediate family has developed. Her memory for people, places, friends, things we've done etc has really come on and I guess I'm feeling increasingly worried about the move and what this will mean for her attachment to things apart from me and her daddy... And what the move will feel like for her.

I feel like we need to find a way to talk with her about moving which doesn't stress her out, or make her afraid and wonder what others have done. Obviously I want to help her to feel excited about the move (if that's possible) but also make sure we don't gloss over any worries or questions she might have.

Ideas I have so far include trying to find a book about moving (recommendations welcome!); making a photo album of close friends and family that we can look at when we've moved. What else do you suggest?

Thanks so much in advance.

[ohtobeanonymous]

In a slightly different situation as DH and I were abroad when both our children were born and they have grown up in another country to both sets of grandparents and most of our extended families.

Best thing we had was a photo board (or book) of all the important relatives and family members so we could talk about people and they could put a face to a name.

Of course, now with Skype and Face Time we probably see the family abroad more frequently than we would if we lived in the same country!! I wouldn't be concerned about her attachment to extended family at all if you speak and see each other on a regular basis. You might suggest to relatives they could send cards/letters/photos just for DD in the post - everyone likes getting mail and special packages. Keeping in touch is a two-way thing.

I understand your concerns, but moving abroad is a real adventure and she is very young - she is unlikely to remember much about her home country from personal experience, but will enjoy stories her parents tell her and keeping in touch via technology! If you are getting worried, she is bound to pick up on that anxiety and not see it in a positive light.

Perhaps you could look at some books/websites about Singapore and talk about places in the world where it is hot all the time and relate her potential new experiences to things she is already somewhat familiar with. Does she know many people of other ethnicities or who speak languages other than English. Going to a country where the majority of the population are Asian and the language is obviously very different at times is something even adults can find hard to get used to.

Enjoy your move and may it all go smoothly. You are giving her such a great gift - the opportunity to grow up in an international culture and meet people she would ordinarily not have the opportunity to know.

[heather1]

Focus on the positives and make it adventure. Very near the time of the flight I brought my Dc their own little pull along suit case for the flight. I allowed them to fill it with whatever they wanted. In suit case pack her duvet cover if you will be in temporary accommodation for a while so there is something familiar.
Each child is different but I found my 3yo very much went with the flow. He was happy as long as he was with us. Also try to get a routine going as soon as you arrive and make life 'normal' again.
I couldn't find a moving countries book either. There are ones about airports though. My dc loved those.
Good luck

[JoandMax]

My youngest turned 3 the week before we moved and he was fine! To be honest we didn't really mention it that much until a few weeks before then played it as a big adventure and all the exciting things we'd do (more for DS1s benefit to be honest as he was 4.8 and at school) but didn't treat it as a big deal, even though it was!

Despite being very close and attached to my parents in particular neither really mentioned them that much, we had photos and skyped and they seemed happy with that. Also when my parents came to visit after 6 months they all fell straight back into their relationship, there was no distance or change in their bond at all.

Children have no concept of how far away they've moved, to them it's just a new house in a new country and their understanding of that is very different to ours. They're also quite selfish little things, as long as they are happy and having a good time they don't really think about anyone else's feelings!!

[MexicanSpringtime]

Yes, the most important thing is for you and your dh to assume that it is going to be a good change. If your dc see you are confident, they will be confident.

[butterfliesinmytummy]

We moved to singapore when dd1 was 3. It was our third time living there so we were excited to go and I think that really helped as previous posters have said. Be really upbeat.

When you get there, you will be really busy to start with but block out time for soft play, swimming, visits to the aquarium etc. I signed my dd up to a weekly kids gym session as soon as we got there and it was great for her to do stuff with other kids. We moved when I was pg so we did errands in the morning and made sure that there were no plans 2-4 pm so we could rest or do fun stuff. The big carrot for my dd was swimming every day.

Singapore is probably one of the best places to move to with small kids, there is so much for them to do, she will love it.

Regarding the birthday, I would have a party before you go and another one on the day, even if it's just the three of you, balloons, cake and gifts.

I would also recommend joining the singapore expat wives fb page if you can, and would look to live in a condo rather than a house as you will both find lots of friends easily.

Moving with a 3 yo is a doddle, we've moved since then, dcs were 4 and 8 and it's a whole different ball game!