Help!
I don't know what to do. DH and I have discussed moving to the States many many times over the last few years - it would be an excellent job move for him, and he's (massively) our main breadwinner. Up until now we've (I've?) ended up rejecting the idea, because I think that if we go, we'll find that we never come back - it doesn't take at all long to stay 5-10 years, and in 10 years time, DS will be nearly 18 and wanting to go on to US college with all his friends. The idea of moving to the US and Never Coming Back is just awful.
Anyway, he's now some way through the interview process for what really does sound like a fascinating job, in a field we're both interested in, and although all my fears about going still stand, I'm not sure I can say 'no you have to turn this down' if he does get offered it.
Here are some of the things I worry about (apart from the whole getting stuck there bit):
- me working: my career has been super-flaky since DC2 came along, but I quite like what I do, and although it's home-based I couldn't do it in the US. Also not sure whether any visa DH got would allow me to work in any case.
- friends for me and kids: I don't make friends that easily, but have a really wonderful group of local friends with children the same age. The idea of uprooting the children from their very happy and stable school lives, and friendship world, distresses me hugely. (This is perhaps heightened by the fact that I was an expat child too - uprooted at a similar sort of age to my own children, and really never settled at a school after the experience of being moved)
- distance... family are all healthy, but getting older...
- wanting to come back - let's say we did come back after 3 years, we'd either have to put the children in private schools (we're in London, they'd cost 15k pa+, and we have 3 kids - we might be able to do it, but it's be an utterly life-shaping commitment) or most likely in 3 different poor to mediocre schools, dotted around the borough.
- worry itself: DH and I both tend to 'borrow trouble': we're worriers. And the stakes seem very high when it comes to moving a whole family abroad.
On the other hand...
- the city where we'd live looks amazing
- it'd be a fantastic job for DH, and one I could sign up to supporting
- there must be other things. I guess we could have another baby, though I'm not sure that's what either of us want (and it'd add even more school stress for later!)
Help!