Questions about moving with dcs.

[Alligatorpie]

I have some questions about moving. When we moved here dd 1 was ( an only child) and 5 and we could get her very excited about moving overseas. Now she is 8 and knows what is ahead and really struggling about losing these friends. She has some strong friendships here and while I have connected with a few moms on FB, her best friends mom doesn't speak English and tbh, I don't think we will ever see her again. :( how can I help dd - see is so dramatic and sad?
Also dd2 turned 2 last week and has been been beginning to show an interest in toilet training. We leave North Africa this week, will spend a month with family in Canada, and then are moving to Shanghai in August. I am wondering if it is a good idea to try and toilet train her, or if I should wait until we are more stable...would love to hear from others who have been through this. She is also still bfing once or twice a day, and I would like to stop ....do you think this is too much change and I should wait a while?
Sorry if this is a bit garbled, I have just had a very difficult bedtime and am exhausted. But I would love to hear any suggestions about how to transition the dcs.
Thanks so much!

[somuchtosortout]

It is hard for your Dd but this is the hardest bit. Has she just finished her school year and done all the emotional goodbyes? This just happened at our international school and it has been a whole week of leaving parties.

I would acknowledge her feelings, tell her the goodbyes are the hardest but once you are on holiday you have lots to look forward to.

This is the worst part of overseas life I feel for you, we'll have the same in a few years! It won't help that you'll be feeling so guilty and sorry for her, but I think it'd important that we as parents stay strong and positive as the dcs get their strength from us.

As for Dd2 no way would I bother toilet training just before a big journey, 2yrs is still small, there is no rush unless she is practically dry already!

[Barbie1]

I'm in a similar kind of position as you, albeit with a younger dd1.

My 4 year old has moved internationally throughout her short life, this will be her 3rd move and see is already asking when she we get to see her school friends again. I haven't for much to offer apart from keep your dd informed with everything that is going on, maybe set her up a Skype address so she can talk online with her friends. Buy her some lovely stationary so she will be keen to write and keep contact? Mind you once she is in her new school I bet you find she soon has a new best friend

Ds is two, we also have a 8 week period back in the uk before we relocate, I am hoping to get him clean during that time as dc3 arrives in oct...

Good luck with the move!

[BlameItOnTheMoonlight]

For the potty training question, when we moved here DD was showing signs of being ready but we decided to wait until after the move DD, however, had other ideas and refused a nappy on the day of the flight. It was all fine. Younger DD also first walked on the same flight :)

Personally I'd not stop the BFing until after the big move - for flying and comfort purposes, I'd just give it until Aug/Sep.

[Alligatorpie]

Thanks for the posts, I know things will get better soon. Dd1 really is on an emotional roller coaster, yesterday she was fine for most of the day - but did have a few meltdowns.

I am stressed and trying to pack, so I think we will all feel better when we leave. We are leaving the day after we finish work, and have a lot going on this week, so everyone is edge. I just need to get through this!

[Barbie1]

I'm feeling your pain, we leave on Saturday and there just aren't enough hours in the day...doesn't help im currently 5.5 months pregnant and attempting another international move!

[deXavia]

Our two have moved a few times - I have to be honest the year DS was 5 was the toughest for him. I think it was sort of understanding, and sort of not understanding. So he knew he was saying goodbye but couldn't really grasp the forever aspect. When he started the new school in September it did hit home hard -I think unlike reception a lot of kids had friends in Y1 so it became obvious to him what he'd lost and then of course to break into groups. In the same move DD was 2.5 going on 3 and just shrugged the whole thing off!

But DS is by nature a very loyal friend and a huge softy so this isn't really surprising. So don't assume it will be the same - I just caution plan for things to be fine after the initial good byes and it maybe to hit home again later on.

Lots of reassurances, frankly I cut the kids a lot of slack in the first few months, especially at that age. Try and get some time one on one with her over the first few weeks of school as well. Its an emotional roller coaster as you say but it will be fine long term.

On the plus side Shanghai is fabulous! I travel there a lot for work and we have friends there who have loved every minute of it. There are also a few MN's there, if you need help. So good luck!

[madwomanbackintheattic]

We bought each child an address book, and they collected their own addresses, photos etc from their friends.

Mostly it's just about reassurance and getting through it though.

Concentrate on the future, looking at the cool things that she will get to do in the new place, the family she will see at grandmas, ( or whatever) wondering if there is a swimming club, brownies, drama, etc etc, choosing new things for the new bedrooms - including new photo frames for the new pictures of friends she has now, etc.

I'm not sure I'd bother toilet training/ giving up bf right now...

It gets easier - 6/8 is about the worst tbh. Mine are all past that now (phew).

[timetosmile]

Can I suggest a book - 'families on the move' by Marian/Marion Knell?

Really helpful UK author with good advice about trying to transition well