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Living overseas

Switzerland - leaving with kids

12 replies

rivellarot · 15/08/2013 13:57

Hello. I have namechanged for this. I've been in Switzerland for 5 years and would like to go home to the UK. The problem is that the UK isn't 'home' for my dh and he isn't a fan. Things are very rocky between us (in bleak moments I think the move here has wrecked our marriage, ruined my career and screwed us financially) and although i don't want us to separate, it's a distinct possibility. Could my dh prevent me going back to the UK and force me to stay here, even if we did split? The thought fills me with absolute horror tbh. Our dcs are 3 and 6. DH and i have also discussed my moving back with the children and doing a long distance thing for between 1-2 years. I know this isn't ideal but we won't make it if i stay here long term. If anyone has any tips on how to make this work, much appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:

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FatOwl · 15/08/2013 18:06

Are your children UK citizens?
You say the youngest one is 3 (so born in Switzerland?)
What nationality is your Dh?

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LIZS · 15/08/2013 18:13

Unless he is Swiss I don't think you'll have a problem leaving, even then I know of a US citizen who left when she discovered her h had been unfaithful and they got divorced.

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luvmy4kids · 15/08/2013 18:36

Sorry to hear of the hard time you are having. I'd do a bit of research regarding Hague convention and how Switzerland views the children of foreign natonals resident in their country. It might be fine, it might not be. Where we are, I know a mum who took 2 years to get permission to leave and go back to where they came from. It was hard watching, as I could see it from both sides, the judge had to decide where it would be best for the children, not the parents, no matter how hard that might be on the parents. You have my greatest sympathy. Changing countries and differing views do indeed have horrendous consequences on relationships sometimes. Big hug to you all.

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SunnyIntervals · 15/08/2013 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luvmy4kids · 15/08/2013 18:50

Legal advice from Switzerland first.

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rivellarot · 15/08/2013 22:19

Thanks for all the helpful advice. We all have British passports (including dh who also has a NZ passport). Dd1 was born in the uk and dd2 in ch. I hope we sort things out and find a compromise. But just to be on the safe side I will do a bit of local research.

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MasterOfTheYoniverse · 16/08/2013 08:24

Good luck Rivellarot!
Have friends going through a similar situation in Asia. Its heartbreaking to see it all unfold. Considering the distance with a possible trial separation/return of a spouse to Europe, its a wrench thinking about the kids, visitation rights, visas/residency, the pressure of finances... etc?.
Agree get counsel where you are currently a resident without delay to clarify these essential matters before making any move.
x

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WallyBantersYoniBox · 30/08/2013 15:25

Hi,

Have you tried posting on the English Forum Switzerland for advice? There is a section on relationship/family there, and in the past I've read of some similar questions.

Your Gemeinde normally has a service that could help too - and advice on the process of leaving the country - closing accounts that may be in your name, entitlement to Kindergeld etc.

To be honest I think the Swiss tend to stay out of non-Swiss arrangements.

If he has agreed that you could return for a long distance relationship then this isn't far different to him just coming to visit the kids in the UK is it?

Has the move caused the rift, or do you think the rift was there to begin with and things got worse?

I am in the Basel area PM if you need someone to talk to?

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Salbertina · 01/09/2013 10:24

Has Switz signed the Hague convention? If so habitual residence is key and will be where the kids are and have been a while so dh's permission will be needed to leave.

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runningmad · 01/09/2013 12:47

yes Switzerland has signed the Hague Convention.

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Salbertina · 01/09/2013 12:55

Then op cannot leave with her kids without partner's permission.

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rivellarot · 01/09/2013 14:27

Thanks all. I suspected that ch was a signatory to The Hague convention. I will try to speak with a lawyer this week to see what rights I have/don't have. Wally, our marriage wasn't perfect but the move has pretty much screwed things up. In addition I left a very stable and lucrative PT job to move here and can no longer get a mortgage in my Own name ( self employed, less than 3 yrs accounts, not enough income). I sometimes wish I had never come here, although my skiing is certainly a lot better as a result!