Possible move back to the motherland after 20 years...

[AndiMac]

I'm Canadian and have lived overseas for nearly 2 decades. DH has applied for a well-overdue promotion position within his company which would mean a move back to North America. Canada is the first and obvious choice, as there wouldn't be any visa issues for him and I'd prefer that over living in the States (no offence, I really love visiting and have great friends there, but can't see myself living there).

Although the idea of being closer to family is appealing (we have none here, DH is Australian), I'm not sure I'm prepared to move. When we came to the UK, we were prepared to leave where we were in Europe. We moved to the UK just before DD was born and who's now just 6 and I feel very very settled for the moment here. I say for the moment, because I sort of saw the next time to move when the kids were about to leave primary school, not when they were just starting. DS will start next year.

I want to support DH in this and it's still early stages; he just applied today after talking to the person who he would report to about it. But he also understands I'm a little hesitant and we need to talk more about where we might move to, what the conditions would be, etc etc. But apparently the boss was talking about they want someone for Jan 1! I almost started hyperventilating.

I guess I'm just writing here to help sound out how I feel about it and maybe get some feedback from people who might have been in a similar position. Or even just some questions that I should be asking myself or DH should be asking his company.

[AndiMac]

Obviously I don't expect anyone to have the same circumstances, but maybe moving home after a long time away or moving right when you feel established?

[ripsishere]

I can't answer the established bit, we moved to six countries in 12 years.
Just before we came to Malaysia, me and DD had a year in England. Initially she struggled a bit because she'd never lived there.
In the end she slotted in with school and friends. Her biggest thing was cultural references. She had never heard a lot of the songs her friends sang, nor understood the fashion and fads.
Yours sounds as if it will be a forever move which is much easier than what we did. Ours was supposed to be that way, unfortunately events overtook us and we are back overseas.
Good luck.

[AndiMac]

The problem with forever is that it's a very long time! I don't know if it would be forever, but certainly there wouldn't be a deadline to leave I imagine.

[Alligatorpie]

Jan 1st s pretty soon. Is there any flexibility on than date? Would you be moving to a place you know or know people? It is hard for kids to start school mid year - if you are moving so soon, you would probably be renting,which could mean another school move for dd when (if) you buy somewhere.

I moved back to Vancouver after 13 years overseas (8 years in the UK and 5 yrs in Asia) I arrived with a British husband, we stayed for eight years- had a baby, opened a business, retrained in different careers ( 2 for me, 1 for dh) and then left again.

I remember having culture shock, after seeing the poverty in Asia, it was shocking that we had hyper marts for pet supplies :0 I left a supermarket as I was overwhelmed - I wanted tortillas and couldn't deal with the rows and rows of them and everything and everyone was so pc - it drove us nuts ( you know how anal Canadians can be....:))

It was too hard to make a living. We felt we could never afford property as housing had skyrocketed, and as newly qualified teachers, we were looking at seven years on the supply list before we would get full-time work.

Socially it was challenging at first. I didn't move home, so had to start making friends from scratch. It was much easier after we had dd.

I had cousins an hour away so saw them regularly, which was great.

I don't know if we will ever go home again. Dd1 thinks of Canada as home, dd2 is a baby, but was born in the UK. Dh doesn't want to ever return and I don't know what I want. I would like my children to be closer to family, but I am not sure how to make that happen.

Not sure how helpful my post is....It is a really hard decision, good luck with it!

[AndiMac]

Thanks Alligatorpie. It is helpful, certainly a few more thinking points.

[Bue]

Would you be moving home, near friends and family? I think that would make a big difference. I am Canadian, have been in the UK for 8 years (DH is English) and we want to move back in a couple of years, although we have a very nice life here. I don't want to get to the point where it feels "too late" to move back. Moving to my hometown would be easy for me since I make 2 trips a year there anyway and we'd have a huge support system around us. It is still very much 'home' to me, although I always feel tremendous culture shock for the first couple of days. Moving anywhere else would be slightly more of a challenge, I think.

Knowing that it doesn't have to be forever is what makes the decision easy for me. We can always move back to the UK if things don't work out.

DH would love to live in Vancouver but I have put my foot down - it's the one place we will never live because of the housing prices.