i need to vent

[davidsotherhalf]

dp had soft tissue sarcoma last year and it's now gone to his lungs, dp had surgery last year on his leg to remove the cancer, from dp coming around from anesthetic his boss was phoning him demanding he came to work as soon as he was discharged from the ward, (physical job) dp had a sick note for 8 weeks but his boss hounded him, phoning upto 15 times a day swearing etc, when dp had radio therapy he would phone up telling him to hurry up,
dp started chemo on Thursday, he has to stay in hospital 2 nights/3days, he's just got home, his boss started the phone calls yesterday morning demanding he came to work, told dp he was a liar he's at home in bed as chemo isn't done with hospital stays. he's making mine and dp's life hell and nothing we say or do makes him stop. we even got McMillan nurse to talk to him. we can't report him as there is nobody above him. I just want to go and slap his boss as we are under enough stress at the minute.

[Littlefish]

Sorry to hear about your dh. His boss is harassing him. Is your DP a member of a union? if he is, I suggest he contacts them. I also suggest you repost this in employment issues to see what the legalities are around contacting someone when they are signed off work.

[LOLeater]

Certainly block calls. Are you with BT? You could ask how to go about blocking his boss' number?

I feel so sorry that you are having to deal with such unkind and inhumane bullying at such a stressful time. I hope that your DP makes brilliant progress.

[CMOTDibbler]

Is there an HR department where your DH works? When my dh was harassed by his manager when signed off, I rang his HR dept (dh had had a nervous breakdown) and they took it very seriously. It stopped, and his boss left shortly afterwards

[davidsotherhalf]

dp is a farm worker, his boss does none of the work on the farm, expects the 3 guys who work there to do everything, (2 when dp is off) no HR dept, just mr R Sole as the boss. he doesn't have a clue how or when anything gets done. dp sorts everything out including all paperwork/ordering etc.

[Littlefish]

Is he in a union?

[davidsotherhalf]

no he's not in a union, mr R Sole wouldn't employ anyone who was, dp has worked there 27yrs

[Littlefish]

It would be worth him ringing ACAS and seeing if he can join now and get immediate support.

[Littlefish]

Sorry, not ACAS, Unison possibly.

[throckenholt]

Is it worth talking to the NFU for advice ?

Sorry you are going through this. I hope the chemo works well.

[davidsotherhalf]

he's going to phone nfu tomorrow, if he doesn't I will as we can't carry on like this, this has been happening for the past 16 months, we tried ignoring the phone, turning mobiles off but then we missed important hospital call.

[NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary]

Get a new mobile for hospital calls (£10in tesco pay as you go) update the hospital with the new number and turn the old one off.

You do not need the hassle of such an unpleasant twat when you are trying too deal with chemo etc.

Best wishes fir you and your dh

[davidsotherhalf]

thanks everyone for the support, I had to vent on here as I would of burst into tears, trying to keep everything in as I have a sn dd, and trying to stay strong and hide emotions from everyone. hospital told us the chemo isn't a cure, the cancer is very aggressive form. they tried surgery in april on his lungs, it didn't go well as too many areas affected. they removed one of the cancers, but it's now back and measures over an inch. they are doing chemo to give him more time.

[CMOTDibbler]

You could also try contacting the Macmillan advice line - I know that they were very helpful when my friends brother was made 'redundant' (no consultation, no one else affected) when he was having palliative treatment.

[throckenholt]

So sorry the prognosis is not good. It is very tough going through it with a loved one.

Does the boss actually know that that is the case ? Doesn't seem likely that your DH will ever be able to return in the full capacity he worked as previously.

Have you made sure what the situation is regarding pensions etc ? When it gets to that stage, you don't want to be reliant on the boss who is being less than helpful now. Please try and take some time (and emotional energy) to make sure you are in as good a position as you can be in the longer term.

[millymae]

I'm not sure how you begin to deal with such an uncaring prat as your DP's boss. Your DP's illness obviously makes it extremely difficult on the farm but TOUGH he's the boss and he'll have to find a way round this which doesn't involve harassing him to get back to work. He deserves to be reported to someone, but I have no idea who.

I know your post wasn't about money at all, but bearing in mind what you've said about the owner of the farm I can't believe DP's sick pay is up to much so please make sure that you are claiming every benefit you possibly can. If your Macmillan Nurse has got anything about him/her they should be able to point you in the right direction - they can also apply to Macmillan itself for a grant if you are struggling financially and need something that will make your life easier. Where I live Macmillan employ a Social Worker who leaves no stone unturned to help families in situations like yours. Don't be embarrassed to ask and if no help is forthcoming make contact through the Macmillan web-site if you haven't already. Also have you looked at www.rabi.org.uk/.

I am so sorry that your DP finds himself in this situation - worries about work are the last thing you need when you are unwell. Easy for me to say I know, but as well as caring for and supporting your DP don't forget to look after yourself too and take all the help that you can.