DH newly diagnosed Stage 3 cancer, DD(3) rejecting him - any tips?

[resipsa]

The title says it all. Am sure DD has picked up on our discussions about tests, surgery, chemo etc over the last 2 weeks. Her response seems to be to reject all of DH's efforts to be close to her . What can I do save stand by and watch hopelessly?

[meerschweinchen]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm not the best person to hep either as I haven't been in this position before. I do have a three year old who listens in to a lot more than I'd ever realised. Have you had a proper conversation with your dd yet and explained (in an age appropriate way obviously) what's happening?

It may help her if she feels she has some understanding of what's going on. She's probably feeling very confused and anxious. I'm sure she'll have picked up on all your emotions too.

Or contact one of the cancer charities - eg Macmillan, and ask their advice?

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along soon and have some better advice.

[resipsa]

DH has tried and it must have gone in because she got v upset the other day when we mentioned taking her to hospital (suspected broken arm).

DH against talking to 3rd party as he says it won't help :-(

[Iquitelikeapples]

Sorry to hear your news. Talking to a third party will help. I used to work in an oncology unit & the Macmillan nurses were fabulous at this kind of thing. I remember one particular patient telling me how impressed he was that the nurse had come to his house specifically to talk to his 2 DCs, to start with they were scared & frightened. By the time she'd finished they wanted to be nurses like her to help other children with poorly Daddies.
You haven't done this before, they sadly have many, many times. Let them help you.
Would he feel more comftable talking to someone on the phone? One of you could ring the helpline for some advice if that feels easier. They'd also be able to give you some support as well.

[lu9months]

i am very sorry for your situation. my husband has an incurable brain tumour, and our 4 year old is definitely clinging more to me and not wanting to be with him. it is very tough. we have the support worker from the hospice coming to meet the kids on monday, and they have been very helpful. i think its easier if i am out of the way, then she will go with DH. initially she was scared because of his scar. i think they do pick up a lot of what is going on, but dont know how to process things, and it makes them insecure, so it is natural to turn to mum. all i can say is my thoughts are with you, you arent alone. please feel free to PM me

[tanyac]

Dealing with my children's emotions has been the hardest part of our cancer battle in many ways. I husband too was diagnosed stage 3 A almost 3 years ago. I'll never forget the moment I broke the news to my elder children. It's a memory that still makes me shudder and I'm sure it will until the day I die. My youngest was just 3 at the time and certainly had a good basic grasp of what was going on. ( given that I spent lots of my time crying didn't help)
I think the most important thing is to be honest and answer any questions as clearly as possible . They do adjust.... Sad but true. It's amazing what we can learn to live with and accept when we have no choice... Even little people :(