Some of you may know me, most of you won't of heard of me but today at 34 years old I am moving into the local Hospice as I know my life is coming to the end.
I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2011 and fought it with surgery and chemotherapy and was lucky enough after being the all clear to fall pregnant with a third child.
Unfortunately in October 2013 I found out that the cancer had returned as secondary bowel cancer in the form of peritoneal disease and liver metastases.
Since October I have undergone 2 more gruelling cycles of chemotherapy and numerous hospital admissions and my tumour is not shrinking and not reacting the the chemotherapy at all.
Everything reached a climax following the bank holiday at the end of May and after two days with the children at Legoland I was back in A&E with uncontrollable pain and vomitting.
Since then my health has spiralled downhill and last week after my discharge from hospital I took the selfish/selfless decision that i do not want to die at home and need to leave lots of happy memories for my children in the home and create new memories for them in the hospice.
I blog about my journey and decisions here
i'm not sure why i am posting this here, but i suppose i want to raise more awareness of bowel cancer and if this post prompts someone to go and get their poo checked out by the GP it will all be worthwhile for me.
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Life-limiting illness
Moving into the Hospice
Knittingnovice · 16/06/2014 08:42
Knittingnovice, I hope your hospice will provide the care and support you need to be able to enjoy seeing your children, to have some peace and strength to get the most out of whatever time you will be granted and to allow your family to see you well-looked after.
It is very unfair that you find yourself having to make this decision, but your strength as a person is clear from your post.
I only know hospices and people who use them in a professional capacity and am regularly in awe and humbled by what a difference they make to people's lives.
minmooch 
Knitting novice, I am so sad for you, you make such a brave and loving decision for your DC's and I'm sure they will take lots of memories of your love with them as they go through life.
When my mum died a while back, before she went she told me 'it is very important that you know how much I love you, as you have lots of years to live after I am gone', Those few words of love have been so much comfort for me in tough times.
Wishing you much love and peace on your journey 
knitting I am truly humbled by your bravary and courage. Your post has me in tears.
Your children should be very proud of you.
Hello knitting, we talked on the Tamoxifen threads as fellow bowel cancer people, although I was probably GoodbyeRubyTuesday then.
I'm sorry to hear that your treatment hasn't worked. Life is so cruel sometimes.
I think your decision is selfless rather than selfish. You are so kind to make sure that your children have only happy memories in their home. They will know that you did this out of love. The hospice may have specialists who can help them cope with this as well, so it will hopefully be the best place for you all to be.
I hope that the hospice staff are able to manage your pain better, and keep you comfortable so you can make more memories with your loved ones.
All the best
I am so sorry, and I wish you peace, comfort, support and love. You are amazing.
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