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Life-limiting illness

....feel like I'm dealing with this alone.

8 replies

Icantstopeatinglol · 15/07/2013 21:57

Hi all, some of you may know I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis a few months back. I'm going in to see my consultant in a few days to get my treatment plan/results of scans/X-rays etc but I feel like my dh isn't supporting me at all. Is it normal for partners to not offer to come with you or even say I hope it goes ok? He never has with any of my appointments. I get nothing, I think he thinks I should just get on with it.
It's really upsetting me as if it was the other way round I'd be doing everything to make sure he was ok. I just feel like does that say everything? Does he really not care?

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Icantstopeatinglol · 16/07/2013 06:49

Bump?

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GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 16/07/2013 06:53

Hi. Dh was diagnosed with PA in 2006. I don't have much time right now but will post again later.

No it's not normal for us to behave like that. We are in it together. Is he struggling to get his head round it, in denial? Or just oblivious? Have you told him how you're feeling?

I'm sorry you're living with PA, it's a bastard.

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Icantstopeatinglol · 16/07/2013 06:58

Hi, I'm not sure to be honest. I did mention a while back to him that I understood this wasn't easy for him too and he jumped straight on that as if he was having such a bad time with it. But I just think he should be showing me some support, I'm his wife for gods sake! All I get is 'you'll be fine once you're on the medication'.
He's having a hard time at work too but I just think health comes before everything and its hard feeling like he doesn't care.

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Icantstopeatinglol · 16/07/2013 07:00

My fabulous dm has took a days holiday to come along with me to my appointment. If my dm realises I need support why doesn't my dh?

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GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 16/07/2013 11:11

Have you talked to him? As spouse of a sufferer, it's surprising how much prompting I needed to know 'what to do' in the early years. It's new to both of you. We've had so many rows over the years about it.

Your mother is used to looking after you, she always has. It's a different dynamic. You need to communicate really well and really frequently with him

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Icantstopeatinglol · 16/07/2013 17:33

Yea I've spoken to him quite a few times and it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. It's quite frustrating. I don't even want him to actually 'do' that much. Just to ask if I was feeling ok every now and then would be a start.
He just acts like nothing's wrong when I'm really struggling. I just worry about what happens if I get worse? I'm not sure we'd manage :(

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GetYourMoneyBackAtTheDoor · 16/07/2013 17:45

Poor you, that's bad of him. Why do you think he's being like this? Is he forgetting? Wrapped up in himself? Or is it more complex, like he's hoping it'll go away?

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Icantstopeatinglol · 16/07/2013 17:53

I really don't know, the first thing that comes to my head is that he must not care? He's not forward with affection at the best of times but I just keep thinking I deserve more than this. Why should I have to go through this alone? I didn't ask for it. I've got 2 little kids to think of and it's just wearing me out.