My son (24) is bi and has a civil partnership. Unfortunately my mother, who is in her 80s and pretty much your typical Daily Mail reader (not that that is exactly an excuse, however) is having a hard time with this and has said some really tactless things (e.g. introducing his partner to her sister as his "friend" to which my son iciliy corrected 'actually, {name} is my spouse' and was pretty pissed about it in private later - he has a temper on him, not a help). She has said to me that it's "a shame" son has a male partner. I tried to protest it wasn't as they are very happy but sadly OH - who has been scrupulously polite, welcoming and appropriate to son's spouse, albeit I know he has his own reservations - tried to stop me, IMO validating mother's objections. I tackled him about it later but he handwaved it with 'well, she's entitled to her opinion and you shouldn't go on at her'. He's our son, ffs, and it was one, sharply worded objection, not a rant.
Further complications. Son's spouse was assigned male at birth and brought up male and referred to as male all the time I have known them until last year when son told me spouse was trans* and I have been trying hard since with preferred pronouns [hence what readers no doubt have noticed as written awkwardness of this post, English is wonderful but sometimes inflexible when you don't want it to be], to discuss with spouse on serious basis etc. Son has not yet discussed this with his father, though I have encouraged him to, let alone with grandma. Not sure if in her eyes this would make matters more acceptable or less tbh!
I'm getting a bit tired of feeling OH would not fundamentally support me/son/spouse if there was (heaven forbid) any kind of showdown. I only just headed one off when son was threatening to cut off contact with her because of Daily Mail reading and that arse Littlejohn's treatment of Lucy Meadows (see above re: temper). I pointed out that do that, and you speak to virtually no-one over a certain age except (some) Guardian readers.
And of course there is older sister and her perfect, 'normal' kids with opposite sex partners and gender-perfect hobbies (boys at footie, girly girl in pink doing ballet) to contend with. Mother has not openly said it but it's clear that's her preferred second generation.
Sigh. Yes, I know, it's not about me.
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LGBT children
Stuck between son and mother
3 replies
evilartsgraduate · 04/05/2013 09:32
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