Have already posted this in SN but this is also a relevant section.
That's it really- Any Wise Words please ?
My nearly 13 resident DSD, who is also diagnosed with ASD, has been struggling with this, especially in the past year. She is is currently seen by a psych team at CAMHS for several other issues such as self-harming, self image and social communication problems.
She has confirmed to us last year that she prefer girls. Fine with us, this is not an issue.
She currently uses binding and clothes to look like a boy and lately has been obsessively researching Transgendered , FTM sites and is looking up packing and such.
I feel we must handle this sensibly and try to give her the space to express herself. However, we are questionning ourselves because she tends to have very powerful obsessions, lasting from a few months to years, which completely fill her thoughts and days. OTOH, we feel we must manage this carefully as if it is really what she wants, she will need a lot of support with it IYSWIM.
TIA
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Gender Issues and teenagers
EverybodyKnows · 17/01/2013 15:49
I don't have any direct experience but do know if a couple of people who have been in a similar situation.
It does sound like you are being really supportive which is the most important thing. To have some rock of stable acceptance when you are questioning yourself and your identity is incredibly valuable.
13 is certainly old enough to be working out if you prefer girls... But it brings so many complications. Not least questions on whether that means you should be a boy, since culturally we do absorb the idea that only boys fancy girls. I think a lot of people who are gay go through a period of wondering these sorts of things.
I can only suggest you continue doing as you are and support the questioning as best you can so that she knows she has the time and space to explore. She's not committing herself to a particular path by binding etc so it's a good way for her to test out how whether that appearance 'fits'.
Of course if she does come to the conclusion that her gender identity is male then she'll be needing lots more support. So this is a good time to prove how much you are there for her.
If only more parents were so encouraging! 
I don't have any direct experience but do know if a couple of people who have been in a similar situation.
It does sound like you are being really supportive which is the most important thing. To have some rock of stable acceptance when you are questioning yourself and your identity is incredibly valuable.
13 is certainly old enough to be working out if you prefer girls... But it brings so many complications. Not least questions on whether that means you should be a boy, since culturally we do absorb the idea that only boys fancy girls. I think a lot of people who are gay go through a period of wondering these sorts of things.
I can only suggest you continue doing as you are and support the questioning as best you can so that she knows she has the time and space to explore. She's not committing herself to a particular path by binding etc so it's a good way for her to test out how whether that appearance 'fits'.
Of course if she does come to the conclusion that her gender identity is male then she'll be needing lots more support. So this is a good time to prove how much you are there for her.
If only more parents were so encouraging!
Thanks everyone and untitled for the responses and PM.
Ill be looking into mermaids and raising the issue with her Psych at CAMHS. Her current appointments is to assess her anxiety and possibly signs of depressions, and understanding what had led to her self harming. We only just finished a long year of assessment for ASD which wasn't easy either.
I have studied gender and women studies so I'm knowledgeable enough in that aspect to see that she is struggling with gender roles and such. We talk about it openly and there has never been any sort of taboo subject in our home so I would guess this is positive for her as she isn't feeling like doing something wrong. I made it clear there was nothing wrong with her feelings but that we need to investigate this properly with the help of professionals.
I will try and discuss it further at her next appointment to see if a referral would be wise at this stage.
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