Child protection

[helpindeed]

Hi all. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post the following, but I'm in desperate need for advice or help.

Bit of my story : My dd was born small, gained weight (EFB) well. MW and HV were happy at her progress. Bit of a problem around 9 weeks with BF, went to GP, told to FF, no other help, referral etc. Went off to BF support in my area, every week (self referred) saw HVs who attended that who all said DD was fine, all fair and dandy. Then we had a major family bereavement. Milk supply dropped like a stone, I didn't know this at the time. DD went off to be weighed last week at clinic to be found underweight, we were sent into the paed dept at the local hospital in case there was any underlying medical conditions.

Explained all our history (trouble at 9 wks, bereavement etc) She was weighed there, told to top her up with formula, then told to bring her back in two days to have her weighed (told then that as long as she'd gained, there would be no problem). Took her back, she'd gained 40g, then we were told by the same person that saw us earlier in the week that it wasn't enough of a gain and we need to bring her back on Monday (today). We were told on Friday that Monday would just be a weigh and if she's gained more, then we would be handed back to the HV team. Essentially told that it was likely to be a supply issue.

It's about a 50 mile round trip, and we have a 4 year old DS, so DH called hospital to say can we just have her weighed at out GP practice. Told that someone would call him back. Ended up it was a child protection officer that called him back, saying that we have refused HV team, and that we've refused her to be weighed, if we don't take her this afternoon. She also said that DD would be examined by a paediatrician at the appt this afternoon, something we were not told on Friday (otherwise we wouldn't have tried to cancel what we thought was essentially a weight only appt)

Am in massive floods of tears now, thinking that they're going to come round and take her off of us. She's only 18 weeks old, and such a happy little thing. I really don't know what to do. Obviously, we're keen to take her in to have her (hopefully) 'signed' off by a paediatrician. I feel physically sick, and don't know how we stand here.

Anyone got any help or advice on this?

[BackforGood]

Of course they are not going to take her off you if all is as you say in your OP.
Of course it was a sensible suggestion to have her weighed local to you when that was all your thought the appt was for.
Equally though, they have a huge responsibility to society to ensure those people that are neglecting their little ones, are monitored and given support to understand how to parent their babies better. It just seems there has been a slight misunderstanding about the importance of the appt., and now it's resolved - take her along, talk openly to the staff you meet about the confusion, and take it from there.

[Lagoonablue]

I was a social worker, not now. They won't remove your child. However as above poster says, they have a responsibility to ensure your child is not failing to thrive. They perhaps should have been clearer about the appointment. So take her in, get her weighed, explain that you are concerned.

Childrens safety is always paramount. To them, they see a baby with poor weight gain. They just have to make sure all is well.

[Lagoonablue]

Just to add, this circumstance wasn't unusual. My friend was desperate to BF and was struggling and baby's weight dropped like a stone. They told her the baby would have to be admitted if the weight didn't start coming on.. Not in a threatening way but they were just very concerned she wouldn't starve to death!

[helpindeed]

Thanks for the replies. Back, all totally is, as is (ifswim) in my OP, just so terrified about it all. I completely see it from their POV, and totally understand that there are parents out there that need help etc, and that they can't tell just by looking at you so investigation is needed, but I feel that it's all been blown horribly out of proportion. I've been in close contact for weeks with the local NCT BF councillor, the NHS BF co-ordinator for the area, both of whom say that they way that this has been handled is incorrect for the situation. I've also been going to an NHS run BF support group each week where HV attend. According to the child protection officer, we have refused any contact with the HV, which is completely incorrect. I've sought help at every turn when I've needed it (although it's not always been forthcoming!)

I just feel as though the nurse practitioner we saw last Wednesday evening moved the goal posts; I had the BF coordinator in on Thurs who said that weighing DD on Friday was a bit silly as they won't see much of a gain (which is exactly what happened).

NP says Wednesday at 7pm "weight gain is all we're looking for, my gut feeling is is that it's a supply issue", then Friday lunchtime "it's ok, but I would have expected her to gain 30g per day, we need to see her again to be weighed on Monday" No mention of 'you'll see a Dr too'. My husband even stood and said to her can't we just get her weighed at GP practice, as it's a massive thing to go to hospital, and she said that we need to go there just so the same scales can be used.

Feel (I hope, understandably!) very upset and emotional about all of this, as we were just under the impression that DDs weight had declined, we were getting help with resolving it, then all this child protection officer calling. NCT BF lady said that it's like trying to crack a nut with a sledgehammer.

[tracyreader]

I suspect it's all a miscommunication, and a child protection worker jumping to conclusions, perhaps under work or personal stresses.

If you're like me though, you'd like a plan for the worst-case scenario. So this advice on the suesspicious minds blog might be comforting. Basically, social services can't take your child into care without either your consent or going to court, and if they go to court then you'll have legal advice and the right to put your case to the judge. And based on what you've described, you'd win in court.

suesspiciousminds.com/2013/03/08/social-services-are-asking-me-to-put-my-child-in-care-and-they-want-me-to-do-it-now/

[helpindeed]

Thanks, Tracy will give that a read! It's like it's gone from normal to insane in about five minutes!