divorced from abroad

[cannotseeanend]

Hi there, I am in desperate need of advice.



Hi there, I've re-posted here in the hope of a bit more advice, whether my settlement proposal is fair, how I should reply to the lawyer of my husband who keeps phoning me.


I live in EU and husband left me a year ago, after almost 20 years and 4 children 8 to 16 years. He had turned our lives upside down in months before, leaving, returning, beating me up. He has a criminal record for domestic violence in 2 countries. He has fled to UK.

I found life very difficult, 4 children alone. Sudden reduction in income, I earn 30 per cent and he 70 per cent. I gave up my career so he could have one. I spent last year in and out of hospital, operation, now psychiatric as having difficulty looking after kids with no family. Husband has thankfully shown little interest in kids, but I m left coping with his bills and 30 per cent income.

I succeeded in a court order for child and spousal spousal maintenance but he refuses to pay more than one third of order and he is contesting validity of EU country order, despite EU treaty Brussels 2 which makes it clear it is valid and EU country competent . He has never expressed a desire for any custody, quite the contrary, neither does he wish to see the kids, so at least that is not a further problem.

My husband took with him to UK 40k of marital assets too. He served divorce papers while I was hospitalised, he succeeded in divorcing me, I emailed court several times with no response, not easy when hospitalised. I was too ill to react to anything and advice from free / low cost consultations I managed to get from English lawyers and a Belgian lawyer, was to respond to court, quoting all sorts of conventions, asking for the English court to decide juristiction, asking for the English court, if they see themselves competent, to transfer the court to London where judges would be more used to cases like this. All this I did whilst suffering severe post traumatic stress and anxiety, then physical illness whilc hospitalized me several times and resulted in operation. I got no response from court over juristiction or moving case. I tried so hard on my own whilst ill and failed.

He is now taking me to court and his lawyer says she ll get me jailed if I don't do what she says and and let my husband get his own way, because he wants permission to sell our home in UK which is rented. I am in EU country, he lives in hiding, having provided a false address to English court. The lawyer has emailed me 2 times saying she'll get me jailed.

I am in a really bad way financially, despite being on PNC as dv victim and continuing, to receive abuse, I am unable to access legal help in UK, I have tried women's aid, rights of women, many pro bono organisations, none will help with any legal advice. I have tried every lawyer in area near court, over 30 of the them. The best offer I got was 10k upfront. No one will do legal advice with payment on settlement. I have spent 100s of hours searching for pro bono, no-one absolutely no-one is interested. No-one will offer me low cost. All the lawyers within 30 miles of court want a minimum of 10k upfront. I have no savings, it's a non starter, my assets are in long term endowments and the house.

I have offered my husband following for settlement.
38 per cent of assets, worked out in 2014 and also on predictions a few years later when the endowments mature.

The 62% of assets to me and 4 children would include 80k already verbally agreed are children's - half is already in their names, the rest was in an IS in his name, but earmarked for kids.

In his 38%, he'd get 85k in cash and he'd be able to buy a 2 bed house in the same town as the family home in cash - his lawyer phoned me to say this is not enough, he NEEDS to buy a house quickly, I must release him from the current mortgage so he can do so, I know there's a hidden agenda, he has no intention of buying a house just for himself, he's decided to take on a huge number of children from different fathers, none of these children are his, plus their mum. Yes this is so hard for me to take, his lawyer, instead of thinking about OUR kids, is putting pressure on me to give him more money to house children of other fathers.

For me to achieve 62% for me and kids, I'd have to buy out my husband, to give him his 38%. The total cost would be just under 50k and I can afford that by giving him some of the money saved in kids' names already and replacing that money over next few years so they still get their 80k, plus my mum said she'd loan me a few KKKs. My husband's lawyer told me to phone around friends and relatives to ask to lend the money, as I cannot get a UK loan or UK mortgage to cover cost. Next thing I knew, she'd written to court to say my mum had apparently guaranteed to bail me out!!!! I was amazed, I said not such thing. I reluctantly asked my mum, she said she'd help me with some money, but the lawyer expected my mum to give me her life savings.
He keeps car he already took and refused to give me, it's not worth much, included in the 38%.
He keeps the 40k he already took out of the joint and sole bank accounts, included in the 38%.

Pensions 50 50.

Marriage 20 years. I worked part time and lost career and can never again expect to earn anywhere near what he earns. At least I work part time, it could be worse.

I have exclusive care of children. Maintenance is in EU court in EU country.

He has offered me for settlement.
40% and I have to find 110k to buy him out of house (compare my settlement proposal where I need to find 50k to buy him out).

He gets 60% of assets, based on current values and when the endowments mature in a few years, including the 40k he already took without consent and car he took without consent, plus a 25 endowment he says he'll immediately cash in and not wait for the end of term bonus.

The total current cash he'd receive once endowments is cashed in (compare my settlment where he'd get 85k) would be 125k. In our home town, that buys you a 3 or 4 bed house. He's claiming to court he's single man, but I know he's not and his lawyer admits so too and that is why she'd pressuring me to house another family.


Please can someone advise me. I will be going to court alone. No legal rep.


Is my proposal one a judge would say yes to?
20 years bringing up 4 kids and running a home and working part time, dv mainly in last 18 months, stealing marital assets, most importantly for me should be the housing for 4 kids under 18.

Husbands lawyer says no chance of me getting 6%, the most I can hope for is 50%, and she already got a penal order against me for missing a court hearing I had actually already told court I could not go to and I thought that was all ok as I never heard back from court, I assumed my excuses were heard and accepted because 1) I am sole parent of 4 kids and could not get child care 2) I am very ill with post traumatic stress and weeks after the missed court hearing I ended up several days in hospital and operations - I gave court a large dossier of proof of illness, 3) I have very limited funds and I am not the petitioner and I cannot afford to travel often 4) I actually have a medical certificate banning me from travel. Alas I have a penal order and 2 emails saying I am not cooperating and I will got to jail if I continue, from the lawyer.


I have cooperated as much as I can with the courts, given how ill I am and how far away from court I am.

The other issue I have is that I completed my Form E and annexes, a dossier in total of 1000 pages containing every single bank account and credit card accounts and as I had to provide intricate financial information for the EU court dealing with child maintenance, they have a breakdown of all my financial transactions and all receipts for the last 18 months, cashflows, absolutely everything.

From the other side, despite over 20 requests and a month to produce, I have received no Form E from the court or husband's lawyer, I have had a few credit card bills, funnily enough half were actually my bills which had been hidden from me so finally I know how much I was spending. I also received confirmation of credit card bills I already had through online access, confirming my husband spent more on credit cards in 6 months that his actual income, so no wonder he could not pay the children their maintenance!!! However, the most crucial Form E is nowhere to be seen, neither are any of his bank accounts, including the ones which show he took 40k. I have emails he wrote confirming the 40k exists but no idea whethe he has declared it on his form E. It's left me unable to proceed further. Some of the financial info I did get sent in addition was blackened out. Is this allowed? I asked court and got no response.

Sorry this is so long. Can anyone at all give me advice?

thanks