Help please - Missing / walked away family member, how can we deal with mess left behind?

[JoyceDivision]

My SIL's brother has left the country, and her family are desperate to try and sort out the problems left behind.

He is seperated and has 3 children. Has an ok relationshio with his wife and 2 DD and DS who he sees.

He has a good relationship with his sister (SIL) and brother.

He is self employed, and has a house he shared with his wife and his own house (just a small terrace, no major property).

However, he has been out and about a lot, and went on a holiday with some friends that were not his usual crowd, and has since told his family he won't be back.

His behaviour before he left was worrtying, a bit aggresive (no physical issues but verbal, shouting and trying to 'big up') and people who have since contacted SIL and her brother have advised his behaviour has been increasingly odd for some time, over a few weeks at least.

He says this is a new way of living, its stress free and nothing to worry about, however his family think there could be drugs / breakdown / soem one in a new circle of 'friends' that is posing a threat to him s he possibly daren't come home.

The problem is that his family have since found masses of debt, and they want to try to help / minimise the damage (not acrtually take the debt on as theirs, they can't afford it) but some how manage the finances.

The problem is, he hasn't authorised any one to do this and he is abroad and this is of no concern to him, he wouldn't agree to it and even if he did he wouldn't get the forms to sign them.

His family are tryng to draw money together to cover things but its throwing into a void of debt.

The banks have taken notes but not taken any action or given any info (aware why as on paper the family have no access to the account so they can't give out personal info), if the family asked for the accounts to be frozen it woud also freeze the direct debits taht need paying (alhough they are getting returned gradually)

Money if paid n is repaying debts rather than being able to meet paymenst(again understand why, the debts need paying before further bills can be paid)

So what can they do?

They have been advised a Power of attourney is no use, what is a Court of protection? Would that work?

They are going to try speaking to a charity such as Mind due to the possible health issues that mght be affecting him, alhough again, no one really could assess him as he is overseas and wouldn't see a doctor.

Could anyone suggest anything at all?????

Thanks for reading.

[OddSockMonster]

I really don't know what to advise, but are there going to be any individuals diretly affected if his debts swallow up all his assets? Are his ex and DC dependant on him or do they have a stake in the property at all?

[JoyceDivision]

Hi OddSockMonster, there are mortgages on both properties, his wife has spoken to mortgage co re the one she shares with him, he pays it from his account and pays a good chunk as he earned nost and his wife has small p/t job with small income as she has more care of the 3 dc which was arrangement they were both happy with. So, she has made short term arrangements with them however they will reassess this after a couple more month and we don't know what they will expect her to pay, it's a 50 / 50 joint ownership.

His own house also has a mortgage, his family have found who they think its with but they haven't found any post or recent statements so they don't yet know what position its in. I think in the long run if things have to let go his own house would have to go while his wife trie sto keep the house as its the 3 dc home.

[OddSockMonster]

You all sound very concerned about him, but if he's is off the radar in terms of caring about what he's left behind, and maybe he has his head in the sand over the debts, he might not get anything sorted out anytime soon.

If I were his ex, I would seriously be considering talking to a solicitor about protecting her investment in the property, or how she can reclaim what she's put into them. I don't know if she could force a sale, but if they get repossessed I don't know what she could get back.

I have no idea what else you can do, I suspect it's his financial mess and it will rest with him, but it's good you're not bailling him out as I don't think you'd necessarily see that money again.