Domestic Abuse: Respondant (DH) hasn't even opened the petition, what next?

[foolonthehill]

Hi Quick query.
Married 14 years, 4 DC, husband saw and did not respond in time to draft petition (he has had legal advice), He has had the actual petition for over 6 weeks but it is (apparently) still in the envelope. Lawyer says try for mediation but I can't see that working. he says he'll be coming back, or nothing.

Not in my lifetime, but the house is jointly owned and i can't afford to keep it forever (just managing now but not for much longer)

What happens next?

[mumblechum1]

OK your lawyer should be making an application for personal service of the petition. Once the process server has served him and you have proof of service ( a statement by the PS), another 14 days must pass and if your h still doesn't respond you can apply for Decree Nisi.

So far as the money is concerned, you have to at least attempt mediation, and if your H just ignores the invitation and your solicitor isn't getting anywhere then unfortunately you'll have to issue an appln for financial relief. That way a timetable will be put in place and 9 times out of 10 the husband at that point wakes up and starts negotiating.

[foolonthehill]

Thank you
I can't help thinking my H is going to end up being the 1 times out of 10.

Onwards and upwards, hey ho

[McKenzie13]

Agree with mumblechum1 here.

In terms of your mortgage though- something will need to be sorted with the house and that will be dealt with through ancillary relief.

In the meantime though, are you on reduced installments? Can you take a payment holiday? I would (if you haven't already) approach the mortgage company and explain the situation. What you need now is a breather whilst it is decided on what is to be done with the house.

Can the house be sold? Is there enough equity to be able to walk away with no liability? I suspect not in today's economic climate. Do you need (or the children if you have any) to stay in the house? These are questions that will be asked at some point soon.

[foolonthehill]

Separated 17 months, 4 DC all at primary school

The house: I am currently paying only the mortgage interest by arrangement, H had agreed (verbally but witnessed) to pay half of this and half of life assurance but has not paid all for the last 6 months and nothing at all for the last 2 months. Last Feb (2012) was the first time I broached selling the house.

There is a fair amount of equity in the house and we live somewhere where houses do seem to be selling thanks to the proximity of a University, hospital and large employer.
If the house were sold I would have enough to buy a smaller property in a less nice area to house me and 4 DC with a small but manageable mortgage (I work FT but very low pay) if we are awarded 70/30 split in recognition that we have paid into a pension for him forever but nothing for me (I know...face-palm-hand).He would have enough for 1 bed flat in city or more outside...due to DA is unlikely to get overnight contact. he has Skype and telephone contact only at present though I think contact centre is a likely outcome in the future.

He has the petition in an envelope at his current address, he appears to think that if he does not open it it will vaporise. He says "the only acceptable outcome is for me to come home to MY house with MY wife and MY children"...and gives the impression that he is sticking his fingers in his ears and singing lalalala whenever anything else is mentioned.

The abuse perpetrators course that he attends (nearly finished) does not seem to have produced a Damascene conversion or even a little light on the situation!

[MOSagain]

Yes, agree with mumbles get him served pesonally. The sooner he is served the sooner you can start thinking about resolving the finances. He has ostrich syndrome and needs to face facts. By pushing along with the divorce he will be forced to realise that its not going to go away.

[foolonthehill]

Ostrich is right.