Unsupervised contact

[Lia87]

At what age do you have to leave a baby with the father unsupervised (bearing in mind he see's her every 2-3 weeks for about 2 hours, cancels about 3-4 visits in between each visit, and doesn't ask about her or reply in between.) he also is completely uncaring and unappropiate with her to the extent i dont feel she'd be safe or happy with him. He seems to be more interested in controlling me than being her dad but i'm worried about how he'd treat her to get at me. when do you legally have to leave a baby ? She's exclusively breast fed still at the moment so its not an issue yet but want some idea of when to be prepared as its making me really stressed out all the time at the moment

[Snorbs]

There is no set age. You could carry on as you are for as long as you like provided he doesn't start a a court case. Only a court order can force you to follow a particular contact schedule. If he never bothers to go to court, you don't have to change how contact goes.

[Lia87]

If he did take it to court do they still give unsupervised if the child doesn't know the dad properly and he's made very little effort? And how long does court take on average?

[Lia87]

Main concern is making sure he doesnt have her alone until she can tell me if he's neglecting her in any ways or loosing his temper with her

[RedHelenB]

If he goes to court the onus will be on you to PROVE her's unfit to take care of her. I would imagine unsupervised contact would be granted way before she could talk in the absence of this.

[Collaborate]

Agree with RedHelenB - It takes some going not to be able to look after a baby. Everyone is inexperienced at the start.

[cestlavielife]

it will be a long long time beore she can actually tell you because young children do not necessairly know what is neglect, abuse etc...
and i two year old says "daddy shouted" that does no necessarily = abuse
fo now in absence of a court order look into contact centres or have a trusted friend supervisevisits until you more confident he is ok with her.

//www.naccc.org.uk some are volunteer run and not expensive

[Lia87]

But surely things like being rough, shouting at her for crying, ignoring her when she cries, not supporting her head, refusing to listen when she's hot/cold etc, not feeding her unless its been his decided 4 hours, putting her on her back saying ew when she's being sick etc can't be proved but isn't appropiate care for a baby? How would you prove anything :/
its not even like he can say he cares about her as he didn't ask about her for a week in intensive care, but would they still risk him having her unsupervised?

[titchy]

Several of those things were recommended in baby books not so long ago!

[Lia87]

I'm not trying to debate if he's fit or not, he so far chooses to not provide close to acceptable care for her. I posted proper details in another post and not one person said i should leave her alone, for her safety. I'm allowing him 24/7 access, cancel plans for him though he never turns up, and if in the future he grows up and starts to care about her i'd be happy for him to be involved. But i'm not remotely happy leaving her with someone who currently doesn't care about or for her, and is effectively a stranger through his own choice. All i'm asking is how long court case would generally take in this situation and what steps they'd order to protect her?

[awingandaprayer]

You may get different answers here to other parts of mumsnet because this is the legal forum and there are a number of qualified and experienced lawyers who kindly post advice for free (not me btw but collaborate is). What a majority of random mumsnetters think is not necessarily the law, particularly when it comes to this kind of question.

Look up 'welfare checklist' to see what the court are interested in but don't be fooled by mumsnet into thinking that feeding a child every 4 hours is a serious welfare concern. A court might view much of what have mentioned as a differing parenting style or simply feel he needs more time than he has currently with your dd to gain experience in looking after her. The chances are he'd get unsupervised contact at some point and it might be immediately if they dont feel there are real welfare concerns. If she's exclusively breastfed then it might only be an hour or two each time initially but would be likely to build up to longer periods so your DD can build a meaningful relationship with him. Little but often tends to be the standard position for very young children as far as I can see although again, I am not a lawyer.

Timescale? If he decided to apply to court then he'd have to offer mediation first which you'd be very well advised to take up as it would be much better to sort it out that way. If mediation failed then he could apply and you'd get a first hearing in something like 4-6 weeks.

[cestlavielife]

Those things like shouting would need to be witnessed by a professional like a hv in order to carry any weight.
And then they might just suggest parenting course.
If he is serious about seeking contact and presents as dad just wanting to spend time with his child and build up a good relationship then what you have said is unlikely to be enough to prevent contact. That is the reality.

Get professionals like health visitor to see how he is with baby, get someone else to witness the behaviour. If hv sees a child welfare concern Around his care they can maybe help.