Going to court for child contact. Has anyone had this experience recently?

[cardigangirl]

Hello there,
Im hoping someone out there may be experiencing similar circumstances to that of mine and my partner with issues relating to child contact, particularly that of taking the next step and going to court in order to get regular contact, Id be particularly grateful for information about how long, how expensive and what the outcome is? and if the order has to be adhered to once agreed.
Have you gone through this process? What happened in your case?

Ill start by giving you a little bit of information about our situation.
My partner of 7 years has twin boys who are 11 years old. He and his Ex Girlfriend parted when the boys were 3, and there has been an ongoing, escalating amount of difficulty when dealing with her since he left. This became a lot worse when he and I became a couple.
At first we had the boys regularly and I was beginning to form a relationship with them whilst also being careful about her feelings and trying not to over step the mark. For a short while things were not too bad and when we were left alone we were all getting along famously, but that was all a long time ago. After a couple of years when things broke down ( there was a lot of abusive emails and texts,difficult meetings and abuse when we picked up or dropped the boys off), she stopped contact between the boys and my partner, then she informed he she was moving to Cornwall (we live in London) and since they moved almost two years ago there has been very little contact and when there has been we are then subjected to emails, texts etc all of which are hurtful and very nasty. Of course there is a much longer story and there have been some very difficult scenes and scenarios as anyone who has experienced this might understand.
Each time we try to organise seeing the boys, the goal posts move, she refuses to do any of the driving, to meet half way etc. Its all causing a lot of stress and upset for my lovely partner who is a great Dad and misses seeing his boys. He provides very well for them financially and has been really reasonable with her even when faced with all the abuse.
We are now considering getting a court order, but we are concerned that it will be a long expensive and stressful process, which will be worth it if he gets to see the boys and try and repair what is becoming a non existent relationship.
But does she have to stick to whatever is agreed?
We'd be really glad to hear from you if you have experienced this and have taken court action and been through the process and maybe can offer some advice?

[howmuchlonger]

To be honest if you want to go down the court route, expect a long, painful and very expensive journey which will probably cause more harm. Try anything you can before going through court.
Have they tried mediation? At 11, if the children do refuse contact it is starting to become difficult to enforce.
However, everyone has different opinions and experiences so I'm sure other people may be able to offer a more postive experience of the court system.

[cardigangirl]

Hello "howmuchlonger" Thanks for your comment, The boys haven't said they do not want to see their Dad, not at all, And when he does get to see them they all have a good time.
Have you been through this process? If so what was the outcome?
Thanks for taking the time to reply.

[howmuchlonger]

Hi Cardigan girl. Sorry I'm back from a particularly exhausting contact session taking my 2 boys for contact with their father and they absolutely hate it and don't want to go. We've been on this rollercoaster for years now and no-one will listen to them. If your partners boys enjoy having contact with their father it is really unfair of their mother to withold it. If mediation doesn't work you probably should go to court before the boys miss out on anymore time with their Dad. The normal pattern of contact is every other weekend and half the holidays if the children are happy and the court would enforce it and give directions about travel/meeting half way etc.
You can easily self represent as well to avoid expensive costs.

[cardigangirl]

Many thanks again for your comments and time, Sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing,Its very difficult isn't it. We are trying to work out what is the best thing to do, for the boys, us and everyone else.
Thanks.

[howmuchlonger]

Good luck x

[Boston2Step]

Op .... Tell your partner to google 'families need fathers' they are v helpful, not to be confused with f4j though. They can give advice about self representation which will cut your costs

But I have to wonder how your partner let it get to this point and didn't report the abusive communications or seek a prohibited steps order to stop the move. Or even seek a contact order at the first hint of contact blocking. This 'mother' needs sorting out! I have been through court with different circs, but the NRP nearly always gets good access

He should ask for good holiday contact and write in alternate Christmas etc. Saves you going back and firth, and yes, she does have to comply!

[piellabakewell]

My DP has similar circumstances, his DD is 3 and they split when she was a baby (he'd have left her mum sooner but she was pregnant). His ex was and is abusive to him, has a police caution for harassing her exH and his new partner and was suspended from her job as a result. Over the past year she has made life increasingly difficult for DP, blocking contact and spreading lies. She has even contacted his employer, my exH and his former work colleagues. She hacked into his email account, got my contact details and used them to email, phone and text me until I asked her to stop. I have never replied to her or answered the phone to her.

He went to court last September for the first time and was granted fortnightly contact, with alternate ones overnight. In November it was reviewed and he could have his DD overnight on every visit. They went back again in February and now he has DD overnight every visit, can also take her to see his parents and stay overnight, and can bring her to our home in London for 50% of school holidays.

It has cost him about £3k in legal fees, including the barrister for 3 court hearings. It has been worth every penny, because his ex can no longer control contact with his DD, who adores him. He would like to have her more often rather than fortnightly but we live over 200 miles away (he already worked in London and only went back to hers at weekends when they were together).

Although the court process has been lengthy, humiliating and expensive, it was the right thing to do for us. His ex self represented and showed herself up. DP was always calm and measured and to the point (even her position statements were pages and pages of abuse and very little about their daughter). The judge and magistrates could see how things are and knew that there was no reason that DP should not have contact with his DD.

Hope this helps, PM me if you like.

[cardigangirl]

Hello Piellabakewell, Thank you so much for your informative and lengthy reply, Its very kind of you to take time to answer and give an insight to your experience of this situation. We are deciding about how best to approach the situation and about if going to court is the next step. So thanks again. Glad to hear that it worked out well for you and your DP.

[cardigangirl]

Thanks Boston2step, we will look into Families need Fathers and see what we can learn from that,
We constantly hoped that his ex would begin to be reasonable and do what was and is best for the Boys, Sadly this hasn't been the case.The move to Cornwall was agreed verbally after lengthy conversations and her saying that she thought the boys would have a better education and lifestyle in Cornwall, and at that time she agreed to regular contact and doing some of the driving etc, with hindsight we were naive to believe that she would do as she said, but we also thought that if she got what she wanted in terms of a hassle free move it would improve relations with her, but it seems she just 'tapdanced' to get her own way and clearly did not and does not have the boys best interests at heart.
Thank you for your advice and time.

[dmariebythesea]

My partner is self representing in court, he got full residence last October. I really feel for you as I know how awful this all is. We are back in court next week to sort out contact, we have to drive to take little one for contact. So resident parents to have to travel, well I say that but it's not something we'd heard of before. Normally the nrp is a man and has to travel the whole distance to see children. It's really daunting going to court by yourself epically when the other party has a solicitor but it can be done. You just need to go online and downloads the forms to apply for an order, it's about £200. Good luck x

[Woody72]

He needs to make a positive decision on what avenue to go down to gain access. He could appoint a solicitor on a fixed fee basis to send an initial letter to ex to open the channels for agreeing contact and see where that gets him. Or he could just issue an application for contact himself with the court and begin the court process. My experience of this was a hearing with CAFCASS officers who will talk to the parents together (no solicitors are actually allowed to contribute but can sit in the room). If the ex doesn't want him to have contact or is difficult there is mediation (which both parents have to pay for usually) he can also ask the CAFCASS officers to interview the children to see what they want as ultimately that is what matters most. Also both parents have equal liability in ensuring contact goes ahead and the official line is that if there is distance involved it should be shared.

[Smum99]

I would always recommend court if access is being blocked however as the dc's are older now they will have input.

DH went through something similar including the long distance and after trying mediation (ex would not speak) he went to court. Wish we had done it earlier.
We had 1 court hearing as CAFCASS not involved and it cost around £1500. We used a barrister for the court hearing but after the process you realise you could self rep as the judge just asks for a summary. If the mum claims any concerns with access CAFCASS will be involved to make recommendations.

In DH's case the ex was just blocking dh as she had a new husband and wanted him to take on the dad responsibility. That marriage then failed and dss no longer has contact with the step dad. Had dh not fought for contact in court dss would now be without a caring father in his life.

Dh now realised he should have gone for contact earlier rather than allow the ex to block access.Courts also ordered that the ex drive a certain distance to help contact. The courts will uphold the dc's interests, not the ex's selfish wishes

[cardigangirl]

Many thanks to Sum99,Woody,and dmarie,
We have had several letters sent from our family solicitor to ex who continues to be very difficult and childish, We asked for a few days at Easter and received the same reply as at Christmas and New Year, that the boys are busy and have no free days, When we email the boys we have received replies from the ex written as if it were from the boys, the mobile phones we sent have been changed, we sent letters and cards to the boys, all of which have been returned, opened by the ex, sent back with nasty letters claiming we have abandoned the children, are harassing her etc. We fear the boys are being 'poisoned' against their Father.
This is all from a woman of 45, I cannot believe she continues to tell herself and anyone else who will listen that she has her children's best interests at heart.
It seems that if my DH has any chance of seeing the boys we will have to go to court, so fingers crossed it will be short and not too expensive, my only concern with this route is that she will still find ways of not sticking to the courts judgement.
Thank you to all who commented.
a very upset and frustrated cardigangirl.