Sex between teenagers and adults

[Freshlettice]

Could anyone tell me if it's ok for a man in his mid-20s to be having a relationship with a 16 year-old. Am worried about a young girl I know. Thanks.

[HJisgoingtotheChaletSchool]

Legally it's ok. It is usually something that rings alarm bells regarding abusive relationships.
Not that it is every time but it's common regarding a large age gap involving a teen.

[LadySybilDeChocolate]

She's over the age of consent so there's no laws against this, unless she has learning difficulties or a medical condition which affects her judgement.

[Freshlettice]

Ok thanks. I thought there was some thing about people in a responsible position abusing trust of youngsters, but this wouldn't be the case as he certainly is not responsible. I'm worried about emotional abuse so will just keep an eye on the situation.

[Collaborate]

Responsible position means teacher or such like.

[usualsuspect]

Shes over the age of consent , I had a relationship with a 23 year old when I had just turned 17

[seeker]

It's legal. But if he's in a position of responsibility towards her then you must do something about it. Or her parents should.

[stargirl1701]

There is a new law about people in a position of trust. The normal age of consent does not apply. I can't remember the details - so sorry. Police could advise though.

[usualsuspect]

Is he in a position of trust op?

[Lizcat]

Just to show the other side my sister meet her husband when she was 17 and he was 25. Sometimes it works.

[differentnameforthis]

At 16 I had a 22yr old boyfriend. Met him when I was 15 (didn't have sex until I was 16.5 - at my instigation).

We are now married with 2 dc. 18yrs this yr. And he isn't & never was abusive.

So I think it can be OK, But yeah, I would keep things under watch.

[asdevil]

I had a 23 year old bf at 16. My parents soon realised he was trustworthy and let me go away on weekends with him....No issue, he wasn't abusive

[delurked]

Usually, once a child reaches the age of consent (16) it is not an offence to have sex/ engage in sexual acts with them. but, as others have suggested, the law is different if the adult is in a "position of trust" with that child, in which case the age of consent is 18. Relevant legislation is here: www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/notes/division/5/1/18

What this means in practice is that if a 16 year old has sex with a 50 year old they met in the pub the 50 year old has not committed an offence. But if the 16 year old has sex with his/ her 25 year old teacher (or other person in a "position of trust") then his/ her teacher would be committing an offence.

[Trickle]

I'm another - had a relationsip with a 23yr old when I was 17, he is now DH I understand your worry but just keep an eye and ear and shoulder ready - unless as other posters have said he is in a position of responsibility, pretty much anything that needs a CRB I think then there is nothing legally amiss.

[CatitaInaHatita]

While I am pleased that all the posters on this thread seem to have had positive experiences of older boyfriends, I would just like to reintegrate the voice of caution that has been expressed. I have at least two friends who got into relationships (with ages similar to the people mentioned in the OP) and were slowly sucked into very abusive relationships which they were unable to leave until their twenties, in very difficult circumstances.
Obviously abusive men can be found in all age ranges as can lovely ones. My only observation ( based entirely on my experience here) is that when you are 16-18 you feel very grown up (at least I did) but are emotionally still quite an adolescent. Some abusive men like to prey on this age group as they are "easier" to groom than more mature women.
Again, I am not saying this is the case, but I think you are right to be concerned. Although you must tread very carefully in any discussion with the girl in question. It is quite likely she is perfectly capable of making a mature decision etc etc, and will be highly offended by any "interference" on your part. Then again if she is being groomed by this boyfriend she won't take kindly to you interfering either and you could inadvertently make the situation worse IYSWIM.

[Freshlettice]

That's what I was thinking Cat . I'm not sure she realises but I think she is being controlled a bit. She has cut off all her friends and family. He's not a teacher etc...so there's no offence committed. He's on sickness benefit for MH issues but mends buys and sells cars as well. She is an A* A level student still in school. I think they are smoking weed together as well. I think she is drawn in to this different world of people around him and their lifestyles. Hey, ho, will just have to observe.

[BertieBotts]

I was in a relationship with XP when I was 18 and he was 23 too and it did become abusive. I think his age was a factor in this. So there is a risk although there are also positive stories.

From what you have just said I think you have cause to be concerned, but the age is more of an amber flag, ie it wouldn't be a problem on it's own, but with the other info it adds up to a worrying picture.

[seeker]

I agree. There are always people who have had happy experiences, but i would be very suspicious indeed of a man in his mid 20s wanting a relationship with a 16 year old. And I would be very concerned that the 16 year old concerned would be shutting herself off from her peer group as well. How would the 25 year old get on at a teenage beach party, or hanging out in Costa? And, and this is a new though I've just had, I might be a bit wary of my 16 year old having a night out with a friend whose boyfriend was 25.

[CatitaInaHatita]

I'm sorry to hear you think perhaps the man is bad news. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with the girl in question, but vigilance and making sure she knows you are available to talk to her, if she wants to talk, might be an idea.