Should I inform the police??? This is a horrible situation.

[forhandsthatdodishes]

I've known for a while that an old work friend was in an abusive relationship. I don't see her very often but we occasionally meet up for a coffee. She's recently told me that she's feerful for hers and her baby DS's safety. Her partner is on drugs and it's affected his whole personality. He flys of the handle al the time and has made many threats to her and the baby.
She told me he's growing cannabis in the house, although she's begged him to stop. She now desperatly wants to leave him but is worried he'll find her. I've advised her to tell the police but she's worried she'll be put in prison too, as she was living in the house and knew about the drugs. She thinks she'll loose her baby.
I don't know what to advise her. I feel that if she won't tell the police, I should! I don't think I could live with myself knowing what he's doing and not doing anything about it. Could someone please advise me what I should tell her to do and If I should tell them if she won't.
She's a lovely person and loves her DS so much, I'd hate for her to get into trouble.

[HJisthinkingofanewname]

She's more at risk of losing the baby if she stays and someone reports them to police/social services.

Have you given her the details for woman's aid? They would give the best advice in this situation.

[forhandsthatdodishes]

I did say that too her, but I'm not sure how much she took in. She was in a bit of a state. I'll find her the nomber of womans aid and hopefully she'll phone them.

[forhandsthatdodishes]

bump

[forhandsthatdodishes]

I'm off to work now, but please still post and I'll read them in the morning.
Thanks.

[DressDownFriday]

I don't theink the police are the right people to inform.

If she wants to leave but fears for her own (and her childs) safety then she needs to be getting help from somewhere else. In thing Womens Aid is the best place to contact - and if not, then they'll point her in the right direction.

[sleepybump]

I discussed something similar with a close friend recently, it seems the only answer is that she has to be the one to leave/ report (even if report is to the institution that helps her get away ans not police directly). And i think this makes sense... She needs to be seen to be actively removing her baby from this situation asap.

I hope everything works out ok x

[sleepybump]

...it will certainly be much much worse for her and her baby if someone else reports him/ them first...

[RavenVonChaos]

Errrr you said that he flies off the handle and makes threats to her and her baby. She needs to get out now before something terrible happens. Baby needs protecting first and foremost.

[Justw0nder1ng]

I can't praise women's aid highly enough. They are an excellent caring organisation. Much better she goes to them than someone else reporting the situation to social services and their inept bunch then getting involved. Could you call and make some enquiries?

[edam]

agree, best sources of advice and help are Women's Aid or Refuge. You could call and ask them what her options are and what you could do to support her. Social services, I'm afraid, sometimes take a punitive approach to victims of domestic violence, almost blaming them for failing to protect their children - all in the name of 'our duty is to protect the child'. She'd be far better off speaking to Women's Aid or Refuge first to get some support.

[timetosmile]

Your friend has a choice, even though she may be in such a bad place she can't see it at the moment. I second all the posts who recommend women's aid involvement etc.
But....
The baby has none - if your friend isn't in a place to be his advocate the don't you have a duty of care to see that he's looked after in a safe place, even if it brings your friend into friction with the authorities in whatever guise?

[cestlavielife]

She has to leave for baby,s sake.
Women's aid can help her and help her stay safe
If she does nothing then at the very least she will be in trouble as accessory to growing cannabis

Worst case she or baby gets hurt

[olgaga]

I agree with other posters, it is best if it is clear that your friend refuses to tolerate the situation and fulfils her responsibility to the child. Try to encourage to get her and her baby out of way first - and then she can contact the police.

www.womensaid.org.uk/
refuge.org.uk/

[forhandsthatdodishes]

Thank you everyone. This all makes a lot of sence. I will contact womens aid first, then give her the contact details.

[BCBG]

I don't want to out myself, but I am certain that the likelihood of her being linked to the cannabis growing is negligible, provided that she is honest when questioned. You could find out if her local police station has an IDVA (independent domestic violence adviser) attached as you can speak to her in confidence about your fears. It is possible for the police to execute a search warrant for drugs which would enable her to leave the premises and find refuge at the same time. There is no way that he can track the source if you inform on him. Many warrants for cannabis cultivation are signed on the basis of evidence gathered from external observation, council monitoring and electricity usage. If she leaves first and then he gets busted, he will thin she grassed. If you care as much as you seem to do, then go and have a confidential conversation with the police IDVA - all areas should now have one. Good luck