cafcass

[Fritillaria]

I'm posting this for a close (very anxious!) friend of mine.

He has recently had to apply to court for increased contact with his 9 and 10 year old children by his ex. He currently has them for every third weekend and a weekday in between. Talking to her, letters and mediation failed. He is asking for every other weekend and one evening overnight a week. She says she will not allow this as it would disturb the boys 'routine' too much and is very bitter

Rightly or wrongly he has not discussed it much with the boys as he feels this will put them in the middle and he does not want them to have to pick between mum and dad. She has talked to them a bit more he thinks and interesting wrote in one of the earlier letters that they would like to see him more but that she feels their routine is more important!

He has now become increasingly worried that CAFCASS will become involved as he can't see that it will be resolved in a first hearing as they have already tried mediation. He has read up on their website, unfortunately found a lot of CAFCASS horror stories from internet searching and has had some limited reassurance from his solicitor who seems to think it is all quite straightforward and a reasonable case. He thinks she is still hopeful it will be resolved in the first hearing and just says to worry about the next step when if and when it happens.

His question is: Are Cafcass involved in every case after a first hearing or can he argue that this is not necessary as there are no issues about his parenting (or else why would she allow every third weekend) and that they have already expressed their wish to see him more as documented in her letter?

I also have a question though I'm not sure if legal is quite the right place. However, I would be interested in the opinions of those who must have to deal with this all the time. It is: How do people go about trying to discuss contact issues with their children when their is a lot of conflict between the parents without getting 'trying to please' answers (either him or her) and without makig the kids feel they are picking sides. What do you do in a situation where one party is very sensitive to this and the other doesn't believe it is even a potential issue? My kids are much younger so I'm finding it hard to advise him about what I'd do with older ones.

[Collaborate]

Cafcass don't always get involved if there are no welfare issues.

[Fritillaria]

Thanks Collaborate, actually he is worried his ex might allege welfare issues though I rather dismissed that as it seems such a pathetic reason.

Don't laugh -

He was briefly seeing a woman about 6 years ago (he and the ex had split up 2 years previously btw) and unfortunately this girlfriend turned up at his house when he wasn't expecting her 'as a surprise' if you see what I mean! Unfortunately, it was a weekend he was seeing the boys and my friend, his ex and the 2 boys all turned up to find her suggestively posed and scantily clad in the living room they split up 2 weeks later The boys were quite little and really did not see much and understood less but the ex would not believe he had no idea she was there and it caused a whole lot of conflict. She stopped him seeing them for a few months as she felt he should not even be considering sex when he had the children with him and this made him an inappropriate parent. In one of her recent charming letters she apparently said she would 'tell the court' about this incident.

I thought this would just make her look stupid, particularly as she is now happy to allow overnight contact, but would it enough to make the court ask for cafcass to get involved which he doesn't want for the other reasons? Can she just say 'yes there are welfare issues' without explaining the detail at the first hearing?

Sorry for so many questions! He's a dear friend of mine and I'm worried he'll give up before the hearing out of fright which would be a real shame as he's a lovely dad.

[3xcookedchips]

If this is the first hearing then its a directions hearing and cafcass WILL play a role to report any welfare concerns. They will want to speak to both parents separately beforehand so really depends how vindictive she wants to be. If this is all she raises then I don't think there is anything to worry about. Just make sure he goes with good representation.

[Justw0nder1ng]

I really don't think cafcass would be very interested in the incident from my experience. She'd have to do better than that to claim welfare issues!

[Collaborate]

They will only consider really what has happened recently to change either parent's view. Anything that happened years ago has no bearing on it.

[Fritillaria]

Thanks for the replies! He won't mind speaking to cafcass himself at the first hearing, it's just the trauma for the boys he wants to avoid. From what he's said, his ex considers the old incident to be very serious and her ultimate weapon so I don't think she's going to bring anything else up!

[cestlavielife]

boys wont have to go to court at this stage.

if fact finding is ordered and CAFCASS asked to do a report then a cAFCASS officer would talk wiht the children but this would be about their wishes adn feelings and they sound old enough to handle it and in fact may welcome getting chance to get their view across?

if there are no other incidents to be dragged up then i cant see what the issues are really - she will need to come up with better evidence that one incident several years ago with somene who no longer around...

if he has them for every third weekend and a weekday in between then is ahrd to see what her arguments agaisnt every other weekend will be....

[ZillionChocolate]

He really does not need to fear CAFCASS! They're independent people focused on the welfare of the children. It sounds to me that he might positively benefit from it. They are the people best equipped to ask the children about their wishes and feelings as to whether there should be more contact. They're not out to get non resident parents. They might not become involved as they're overloaded and there don't appear to be any parenting issues.

Your friend should think about why he thinks the extra time would be of benefit to the children (if there's any special reason, like it would allow time with extended families or at an activity that they'd like to do). He also needs to think about logistics. How will he get them to school, what will happen with uniform and transport etc. Do they have any current commitments that would be effected by his proposed changes, can those be accommodated?