Withdrawing Access to children due to ongoing physical and mental abuse.

[mumandthree3]

I posted this in another part of the forum and was advised to post it here too. Can anyone advise me?
I'm worried sick. My ex physically and mentally abused me and my children while we were together. He carried on abusing the children once we separated during access visits. I stopped the children going.
My ex took me to court to get access again. He had supervised visits and he was the model father of course. He was granted unsupervised fortnightly visits. Now the abuse has started again.
I spoke to my Sons Social worker who was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. I cant get a response from the solicitor despite several phone calls.
I know i'll be in contempt of the court order if I dont send them but my instincts say dont let them go. They are supposed to go tomorrow.
What shall I do?
Has anyone else experienced problems with an abusive ex?

I later added...

Thank you for all your replies.
I have now heard back from the solicitor. She has advised that I will be breaching the court order if I do not send them. However as I feel there is a safety issue she suggests notifying ex of my decision and she will apply to the court for a variation of the order.
My youngest children are 6 and 8. The 8 year old has special needs.
Believe me, I have been very active in reporting the abuse. He has been arrested and cautioned. I do not feel that enough weight is given to his actions by the authorities (cafcas, social services, courts) in terms of what happens while he has the children for access visits. Will they wait until the worst happens? I live in fear of getting a visit by police to tell me the worst news. I'm not exagerating. My son who has special needs gets the brunt of the abuse as ex doesn't understand him, and cant cope with him. There is no excuse for abuse.
He's a real pig, but a charming, influencial one. Everyone gets sucked in by his lies.

[GypsyMoth]

You will get help here, but all I can say is keep records of everything, a diary perhaps, and keep bringing everything to the attention of professionals where it's all documented. It's a bloody worry and I feel for you op!

[mumblechum1]

If I were acting for you I'd fax his solicitor now to say contact isn't happening tomorrow as you have serious concerns about the children's safety. She doesn't have to say any more than that at this stage, just let him know not to bother turning up.

Then as soon as possible, she should apply to suspend/vary contact, and once you get the first appt in court, you can file your statement of fact.

I suppose mediation is out of the question? It's always best to try mediation before resorting to court proceedings.

[cestlavielife]

do you have social worker children with disabilities team? make sure tehy aware of everything.

the clause is stopping contact with "reasonable excuse"

if you have "reasonable excuse" that you can present if needed eg the reports you've made etc then dont worry too much.

documetn document document keep careful diary

put the onus back on cAFCASS/SS/him to prove he is safe

[cestlavielife]

sorry see ds does have SW - ask to speak to manager of the team.

[MOSagain]

Agree with Mumblechum, get your solicitor to fax his immediately so that at least you have given notice and set out your reason why (due to concerns for safety, no need to go into full detail at this stage)

Not sure about mediation though. In my area they would be reluctant to do where there had been physical abuse but I guess it does vary from area to area

[mumandthree3]

My solicitor seems to think the yougest child should go, but inform him that the eldest one isn't due to the recent events.

I have tried mediation to no avail.

The social worker with disabilities said its not within her remit and sought advice from 'Short Term' who said speak to the solicitor.

I do keep a record of everything.

[cestlavielife]

if you think the youngest child is at risk dont send them.

you have to have "reaosnable excuse" and be able to present that excuse in court if you need to.

[Birdsgottafly]

Don't send one without the other, unless the abuse is directed at your DS only, otherwise that will be a contradiction.

As you have reported possible abuse of a child to a professional who comes under safeguarding policies, she should be making a referal. As a SW you are duty bound to.

I did ask on the other thread if a parenting assessment was done on your ex and if the children were placed on a plan of any sort? Whoarranged and supervised the contacts? Who de-planned all of this?

[mumandthree3]

We both had to attend Parenting sessions. Is that what you mean?
The court has arranged the supervised sessions. I'm not sure what you mean by de-planned?
I spoke to SS again and got through to the original case worker and all she said was as I've spoken to my solicitor thats the way to go.