Please help

[neilarmstrong]

hi, i have a 4 year old little boy, me and his father have been seperated for almost 3 years, he had regular contact with his dad until recent. my son has been telling me he no longer wants to see his dad but does not give an explaination why, and has been waking up crying telling me he doesnt want to see daddy anymore. i have stopped contact for the time being as my ex drinks and smokes alot too and worried this is happening around my child and he has also been giving me a lot of grief of late, being verbally abussive and threatening my friends, he also tries to start an argument even if my child is present, what do i do?

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

I would be worried about this too. Have you taken your son to the gp? I would maybe start with the health visitor as they usually know which avenue to go down. You should start keeping a diary as you will find it useful down the line and also you may see patterns emerging.

[neilarmstrong]

i have not taken him the gp or health visitor either. he was due to go to his dads this week, but i have not let him go. he is threatening to go to the solicitors to get contact, i am just stuck what to do as i really dont want him going round there if i am constantly worried for my son. i will book an appointment with my health visitor in the mean time.

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

He may use threats but your sons behaviour is certainly worrying and needs investigating. If he is threatening you with court really do keep a diary. if you do go to court you can ask cafcass to investigate your sons worries. I would have thought no unsupervised contact would be ordered until it could be established what the problem is.
My son has refused to see his father since he was 5 and he's now 10. He has had to have contact with his father ordered by the court but thankfully his father has never been able to have unsupervised contact and believe me my ex has been very threatening.

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

My son has had lots of stress related illness' caused by the stress of contact and the gp and health visitor have been really helpful

[neilarmstrong]

so i take it, you have had to go through court etc. what happens if i get letter from the solicitors, can i ignore it or do i have to reply? the thing is i dont think i can afford a solicitor

[neilarmstrong]

surely if your son is really unhappy seeing his father, he shouldnt have to go? should he

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

Sadly yes he has to go. The courts are very pro maintaining contact between children and absent parents. It is better for children to have healthy relationships with both parents but sadly it's not always happy. My poor little boy has been through hell, I wish his father cared enough about his to either build bridges or leave him alone. He fights for contact and then emotionslly abuses him during contact and I can't stop it but I can limit the amount of damage he can do.
You could try mediation before court but that would only work if you can talk like reasonable adults and your ex is willing to consider what the problem may be. My ex won't acknowledge there is a problem despite numerous independent reports that there clearly is a huge problem.
I would try to steer away from the courts, it's a painful journey but you may be able to get legal aid although I've represented myself throughout 10 hearings.

[neilarmstrong]

i have tried time after time to talk but he will never accept he could be wrong and is always on the defence, he is always too drunk or stoned to think, he is just off this planet. i think i will have to go through the courts as much as i dont want to :( but at least i will not have the worry of my child being in any danger. thank you so much for the chat and your advice

[Santa5l1ttleHelper]

No problem at all. This forum has really helped me to understand how these things work and has helped me to do the best for my son. The court system is a tricky one to get your head around but there are plenty on here willing to help.
There are some lawyers as well who may post and offer advice too. I have found though that putting the legal aspect aside, the best thing you can do is seek professional help to help your son and put him first.
Good luck with everything and feel free to message me x