My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Legal matters

Does grandparents have rights ?

25 replies

AMummyFromNotts · 05/01/2012 23:14

Under these circumstances

  1. Baby under a year

2.The grandmother was the caused of the breakup
3.The mother doesn't think the grandparents are suitable around children due to her ex partner upbringing
4.The mother never had a close realtionship with the grandparents.
  1. Disrespect the mother of the child...

In today society does grandparents even have rights?
OP posts:
Report
YuleingFanjo · 05/01/2012 23:16

I think there are no legal rights, no.

Report
FestiveFriedaWassailsAgain · 05/01/2012 23:16

Rights to what exactly? Contact with the grandchild?

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 05/01/2012 23:18

Anysort of contact ?
And what sort of contact would be granted if they did?

OP posts:
Report
TheArmadillo · 05/01/2012 23:20

A grandparent now has the right to apply for the right to apply for contact (if that makes sense). Essentially they have to apply for a judgement that says they can apply for contact.

Having looked into it, it would be pretty much solely based on the grandparents relationship with the grandchild not with the parent(s). The exception to this is where the grandparent could be proved to be a risk to the grandchild (through previous contact with police/social services).

This is my understanding of it.

It however would be a long, complicated and expensive process for a grandparent to go down with no guarantee of winning.

IF this is your ex partners mother and your ex partner still has contact with the child they would be free to take them to see their mother.

Report
FestiveFriedaWassailsAgain · 05/01/2012 23:22

AFAIK only the parents are likely to get official 'contact', via court/mediation etc. Of course the NRP may well spend time with the grandparents and the baby or dump the baby with the grandparents instead of looking after the baby themselves

Report
Collaborate · 06/01/2012 00:01

Grandparents do sometimes get contact. It's not rare at all, and goes on what will benefit the child.

Report
GypsyMoth · 06/01/2012 00:04

How the grandparents are with the mother are of no bearing

But if the father has contact, surely he would take the child to visit grandparents anyway?

Report
Santa5l1ttleHelper · 06/01/2012 09:52

As far as I understood it the grandparents would have to show they had a meaningful relationship with the children. I think my ex in laws looked into it but had never really been active grandparents so wouldn't have had much to go on. They pay my ex's legal fees and I'm quite sure we'd never have heard from him if his parents hadn't put him up to it. It is recognised that grandparents can cause trouble in break ups. I think mediation is the way to go. I do think grandparents play a role in children's lives but the emphasis needs to be placed on good quality contact and sadly sometimes the grandparents see it as on someway campaigning for their son or daughter who maybe lacks certain parenting skills. I think relationships with in laws can be challenging at the best of times!

Report
EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 15:15

A grandparent can apply for contact, but has to apply to the court for permission to do so before issuing proceedings. I did wonder if it was my ex or his mother behind the solicitors letter the day before christmas eve, but he still went along with it so is as much at fault. Mediation may be the way to go as it should be you and him only there and no other family members just like it will be if he takes it to court.

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 17:53

Like the last two people said i having the same issues my ex partner isn't really to bothered about the child himself and is having access, i believe his parents are pushing him into getting some form of order to enable them to get hold of her knowingly he will bring the child theres or dump it there .
I don't think this is fair and his drive should about himself and the child i just don't know how men nowadays are to weak to say no and leave there parents out of it.

OP posts:
Report
EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 18:00

My ex is living with his mum and tbh, when i was diagnosed with PND she wasnt really bothered about me, but did say she would look after our son while "i got better" she also wanted my ex to get me sectioned! She also went for residency of her grandaughter, but was unsuccessful. x

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 18:01

Also he keeps going on about how he left toys at his parents ready for when he does get whatever he wants .
I must somewhere along the line have a say and can put stipulations in place after all she is my child and it me who given birth as far as i am concern without me she wouldn't exist for no1 to then take court actions over.
I have watched jk and mothers seem to be able to make rules on there and are not no where as near as reasonable as i have been.
Why should i be used and abuse then thrown on the scrape heat without a say.

OP posts:
Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 18:07

Yes i was rushed in for a c-section there was no consideration about me recovering or bonding with my child. His mum was demanding i should take the child up or court action would be taken allso he mum quote " if she doesn't feel like coming up bring the baby up yourself" :o
Me and my ex had a big bust up because of it that why we just sperated .
Before i had the child she was telling werid stories about what she done to other children which definately put me off.

OP posts:
Report
EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 18:09

You shouldnt be and it isnt fair,not in the slightest. There are court orders you can get to prevent your child being in contact with certain people, but generally i think by what i have been told on here that he can take the child to see whoever he wants. Unfortuantely that includes grandparents. You would need to prove i think that their involvement woul;d cause mental, emotional or physical harm to the child. It is so difficult i know. I dont want my child having any contact really but the law is sooooo flawed. x

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 18:14

Well i sorry but there no way i going let them hurt my child before anything done it just all wrong ..
I know my ex partner has some issues because of his upbringing and there noway, i want it to get that far because the damage would already be done.
I won't be complying to any court order then ..

OP posts:
Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 18:18

If somone that living with his parents i.e. younger son have been accused of rape then surely there no way on this earth my child should be within that surrounding. And there many more cases such as injuctions because of theatening behaviour to neighbours and so on ..

OP posts:
Report
EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 18:20

You can obviously stop them from seeing her. Say all contact must be supervised and they wont get chance to hurt your child. If they do in anyway, they will be banned from the contact centre and then wont have any contact with her. I will only allow my ex contact through a ontact centre too, but there can be a waiting list for these. x

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 07/01/2012 18:34

I don't want to dicuss to much on here as it a public network..
But my ex partner like i said is getting access with me present and i am not at all difficult during the time either i just keep it zipped ..I don't really understand what grounds he taking court actions on what do you reckon?
Surely he cannot have a case if he already been granted access and obviously when she old enough he can take her for a few hours to cinemas or ice skating on his own whatever which will increase to more aslong as she happy with it or askes.
He isn't on the birth cert for a valid reason btw

OP posts:
Report
EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 18:39

Were you married cos if he isnt on the birth certificate and you arent married, then he does not have parental responsibility and he would have to prove he was the child father by a dna test which you could object to i think. x

Report
Santa5l1ttleHelper · 07/01/2012 19:01

If cafcass become involved they will determine what the motivation for your ex seeking contact is. If an order is made for supervised contact it is exclusive of other relatives unless you state in writing you are happy for grandmother to attend. The emphasis should be placed on father building a relationship with your daughter and inclusion of the grandmother could then come at a later date

Report
AMummyFromNotts · 08/01/2012 03:02

Yes i totally agree with Santa*
It should be the building of realtionship between the father and the child extra come later if that works out.
Hopefully my ex is abit silly and probably would say something as daft as anyways so i needa worry.
I honestly don't know what grounds he working from becasue he has access he couldn't go to the courts demanding an order or access when he having contact and access already and always will aslong as he isn't going be abusive when she at a reasonable age maybe a few hours alone with her such as cinemas trips and so on.

OP posts:
Report
fallenninja · 08/01/2012 08:32

I would guess hes going to court for unsupervised access. From your posts I get the impression he is only seeing the child with you present, and is not allowed to be on his own with it.

You say the child is under 1? How old? 6 months? 3 months? Has he been involved since the birth or if not how long has he been seeing child for?

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

AnitaBlake · 10/01/2012 20:23

I hate to say it but I think you are being quite unrealistic about the amount of contact the courts will allow. My DHs ex had similar ideas to you, I think. She would only allow very limited contact under very specific circumstances.

I realise you are only a few short weeks post-birth, but you need to come to terms with the fact that your LO has two parents, and unless you can prove that your ex is a danger to the child, he will be granted unsupervised contact very quickly, followed by full days and even overnights.

We had no option, after two years of being messed around, but to take DHs ex to court, prior to this he'd been allowed two hours of supervised contact approximately once a month, always on her terms and at his expense. SD was 2.5, he was in court in June and had unsupervised contact in August, full days in October, and overnights in February. It was supposed to be overnights in October.

I'm so sorry you are going through this at a time that is difficult in any event, but you have to understand that, yes, you bore the child, but it is not just your child, it is your ex-partenrs child also, who we can only assume was concieved in love. This child has a right to know all faceats of its family, it has a mother and a father, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, who all want to be part of its life, and get to know the child and love it.

Contact will be granted to the father, unless you can provide very good reasons not to, and during his contact time he will be able to do as he wishes. I know some people believe this includes dumping with grandparents, but my SD loves her Grandma and it is only right that she be allowed to spend 1-on-1 time with her, the same as her first cousins and half-sister do. This is not 'dumping' her but allowing her form normal, healthy relationships, as a normal child should be allowed to.

Courts are very much on the 'side' of the child, not the mother or the father. If it goes to court, they will decide what is in the childs best interests, taking into account both sides. You said in your other thread that you were allowing 45mins a week, and this was regular. 45mins a week is not enough to build any sort of relationship, you need to work out with your ex a way forward, and a way to build up time for hime and you LO, as you risk looking unreasonable in court.

I wouldn't even consider breaking any court order, the sanctions came be quite extreme, even as far as residency being given to the parent most likely to allow reasonable contact, this is not always the mother.

Report
EllenandBump · 10/01/2012 22:45

There is a waiting list for contact centres, and if you are worried about him not turning up maybe using a contact centre as a drop off/pick up point would be a good idea, then if he fails to show you will have proof otherwise it will be your word against his, where as at a contact centre there will be staff and you could probably ask them to record the fact he didnt show up, or there may be a visitors book to sign, either way it helps with proof surely? x

Report
FlangelinaBallerina · 11/01/2012 14:44

OP, he might be applying for parental responsibility. If you weren't married and he isn't on the BC he won't have it, but he can apply to the court for it. If he's having involvement in the DCs life and has shown some commitment to her, he's likely to get it sooner or later. It isn't automatic, though. And he could certainly apply for more contact than he's getting now, or want the security of a formalised arrangement.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.