Grounds for divorce!

[EllenandBump]

Apparently after speaking to my solicitor today he doesnt just have to specify irretreivable breakdown as a reason, but either desertion of 2 years, 2 years seperation with consent, adultery, 5years seperation without consent or unreasonable behaviour. Looks like he will be using MY unreasonable behaviour!!! What about his behaviour. I will be seeing the petition and my solicitor is writing a letter to his saying that i am prepared to let the divorce proceed undefended provided that nothing on the papers in untrue.

[EllenandBump]

has any one had any experience of having to have divorce petitions amended and what would be the procedure?

[sneezecakesmum]

Provided he doesnt put anything too outrageous I would just let it be. It will only cost you more in the long run to amend or contest his grounds, and if your aim is to be shot of him whats the point in delaying the matter?

[prh47bridge]

Agree with sneezecakesmum. You can oppose the divorce or cross petition but the net effect is just to increase the costs. It is better to concentrate on getting a good financial deal.

[EllenandBump]

There is no financial deal to get unless you include debts. My proposals are i pay my debts he pays his debts. Sorted! Think he is going to put a whole load of lies in his petition, so may oppose the divorce. If he puts we just stopped communicating or didnt spend any time together and grew apart or something i will happily sign it and send it back. Waiting to see what it says really.

[mumblechum1]

Make sure that if you do let it go through on your behaviour, your solicitor checks that he isn't claiming costs against you, and if he is, that you state in your acknowledgement of service that you're not prepared to pay them.

It's usual to thrash out the issue of costs at the same time as you comment on the allegations in the behaviour.

[mumblechum1]

doh. "allegations in the petition

[EllenandBump]

Thank you. His original letter from the solicitor stated that if i opted for an undefended divorce then he would not seek costs against me. He therefore told me on facebook i could not get legal advice or i would have to pay his costs. Which he included as on custody of our son, he was wrong. I am not defending the divorce just seeking advice on it. I think he thought that i would cower down to him and let him do as he liked! Never.

[MOSagain]

Agree with Mumblechum ref costs, always make sure you check this. Most decent family lawyers will send a copy of the draft allegations of behaviour prior to issue to ensure that it can be agreed and proceed undefended.

[EllenandBump]

I am on legal aid. Surely i can just refuse to sign the divorce? x

[MOSagain]

If it is on your unreasonable behaviour then you don't have to consent to the divorce. He/his solicitor can arrange for you to be served personally by a process server who will then swear a statement of service which will then be used to prove service of the petition if you don't sign the acknowledgement of service form.

There is a huge difference between not signing and allowing it to go through or defending which I really wouldn't recommend.

[EllenandBump]

The problem is that i will be moving at some point and apparently i have read they wont grant a divorce until the our son is all prooperly catered for. Can i divorce him for his unreasonable behaviour? do i have the right to see all the reasons for divorce?

[MOSagain]

The DJ (district judge) who considers the divorce papers must be satisfied that the arrangements for any children are satisfactory before he issues his certificate and you can get DN. You could divorce your husband for his unreasonable behaviour but it really makes no difference who divorces who. As said earlier up thread most decent family lawyers will attempt to agree the particulars of unreasonable behaviour prior to the issuing of the petition to avoid a situation where the Respondent wants to cross-petition (issue their own petition) or defend which only seeks to increase costs

[EllenandBump]

If we arent divorced does he have a right to know where i live to be able to issue the papers? My solicitor doesnt seem too worried about the divorce but i wanted to know in general cases what ACTUALLY happens and the reality of it and not just the legal side of it. x

[MOSagain]

I'm sorry but I don't really understand what you are asking. Does he not know where you live? If you have a child/children he is entitled to know where they are living.

It strikes me that as you have so many unanswered questions perhaps you are not happy with the solicitor you have instructed and might be better off instructing a new one before proceedings commence.

[zest01]

Who cares what reason it says on the divorce papers? It's pretty common for the person making the petition to overblow the problems but what does it matter? It's not like it can be held against you, it's just one (usually angry and bitter) persons assesment of the situation.

Check that you are happy with the settlement and arrangements for the children but with regards to the reasons, let it go is my advice or you will just prolong the agony

[EllenandBump]

He knows i am staying at mums. I didnt think he had any legal right to know where i lived because of the domestic violence and because all handovers etc, or contact would be through a contact centre? He was very abusive and therefore i do not want him knowing where i live as i would live in fear and there is the possibilty he would turn up unannounced and demand to stay after arguing with his mother who he is living with now i believe by his solicitors address, (n and m seem a little too far apart, and she lives there). The questions dont always enter your head, i did clear up a few things. Financial matters- joint bank account overdraft is probably down to both of us but that is not a current issue as long as he cannot go any further overdrawn. what will happen with regards to our son. But i wanted real life and not just the legal aspect. Didnt think to ask about address but did about phone number. x

[Newtothisstuff]

My exh refused to tell me where he lived so the papers were sent to his work.. He then kept refusing to sign so they got a bailiff to hand him the papers after getting his address off his work.. Job done.. He wasn't so smug after all.. I'd just sign and get it over and done with.. I didn't think if you were contesting a divorce you could get legal aid but I'm probably wrong !

[EllenandBump]

I dont plan on contesting it. If i asked could i have the papers sent to my solicitor? Would that be better? I am not currently working (have only been in london 2 mon ths, pnd, homeless, epileptic etc to add to it all) So i could have them delivered there. My solicitor has already requested a copy. I have also stated in the letter to his solicitor that i will sign the divorce as long as nothing on it is untrue. I dont want to contest the divorce at all, x

[sneezecakesmum]

My BIL was allowed to use his solicitors work address for all correspondence to go to so that is ex couldnt turn up at his home address and cause a scene. They werent married though, and their dispute is regarding property. Ask your solicitor.

[EllenandBump]

I might ask my solicitor to do that. She has written to his solicitor and not direct to him. x