Elderly neighbour being taken advantage of

[sweetestchilli]

This is a bit tricky but hope someone can advise me on the right way to deal with this. My elderly neighbour, who is more like family (we have known her for nearly 30 years) became very ill two years ago with chest problems. She had been practically housebound before this, apart from when I took her out shopping or to the hairdressers in her wheelchair as she has bad arthritis. She is now bed bound, gets up with the help of carers and sits in a chair all day. Myself and my Mum used to do her shopping and get her pension for her and she was always happy with this. We always gave her her receipts. In the last year another neighbour who has lived in the area for the same amount of time has been doing odd jobs for her, he doesn't work so spends all morning with her and cooks her lunch. I've been getting more and more suspicious of his actions as it appears nothing is getting done by way of housework/odd jobs and he started doing her shopping which I was not happy about but, my neighbour is of sound mind and wanted it this way, so I couldn't interfere. She was recently hospitalised again and whilst visiting her she told us this neighbour had been snooping through her stuff. When we questioned her she said he had found her will and was not happy about the content of it! A few times she has told me he has made remarks like 'I'm the one looking after you' 'What will happen to your house if anything happens to you?' etc....From an outside view it is obvious he was never doing the stuff to help her from the goodness of his own heart and yet he tells everyone they are really good friends! She recently told my Mum that she is paying him £50 a week to do her housework .
I am named as her support network, the one who gets her pension, pays her bills and does her shopping, the only thing I still do is get her pension because I wouldn't trust this man with the card number. I take her pension straight to her and put it in her purse. I told her that if anything went wrong it would come back on me and I'm not prepared to risk that. The conversation ended with her saying she relies on him but doesn't trust him either! She said she needed her pension collecting as she was getting short on money, so I brought her pension card home with me. She had £145 in her purse. When I spoke to DH and we checked her receipts for the money I had drawn out before Christmas it appeared there was £650 unaccounted for! DH and DS went round to talk to her again and she admitted she is paying him £100 a week to do 'housework' when in actual fact all he's doing is a bit of washing, sitting on his a**e watching her tv and eating her food! This still means that £500 is missing. She is obviously very shocked and upset by this, the only other person who would go in her purse is this neighbour when he takes money out for shopping. (she said he always shows her what he has taken but her eyesight is very poor she would have no idea)
It would appear he is also trying to control every aspect of her life in order to keep the people who really care about her out of the way. Her house is a complete tip and its dirty. She would be so upset if she could see it for herself.
So the end result is myself and DH are going for power of attorney. She is happy for us to do this and is very keen for us to get on to it straight away, I'm starting proceedings this afternoon. BUT, she doesn't want this neighbour to disappear because in her words she 'still wants him to go in'. It is clearly obvious that this man is only going in there for what he can get and obviously if she still wants to pay him then thats her choice but as P.O.A I have to let them both know that the money has to be declared. He is on benefits so this could cause a whole heap of issues. I'm not prepared to sit back and let him take advantage of her anymore. I would prefer that he just disappeared altogether or got found out for his behaviour, but I need to keep my neighbour happy as well. She is so unwell, bless her, the last thing she needs is to be upset by anything else at the moment.

Gosh that was long! Thanks for reading if you managed to!

[catherinea1971]

From what you have said it sounds like she is frightened of him, it sounds like he is an abusive bully, the poor woman.
I would contact help the aged and maybe ss for advice.
I truly hope you manage to sort this out for this lady, it is not uncommon for the elderly to be preyed on like this.
Oh and fwiw if it were me I would shop him to the dss.

[SantasNutellaFairy]

It sounds like he's been insinuating a lot of stuff like how she'd have no one to look after her, keep her company if he wasn't around.

If you get P.O.A, then you can appoint a cleaner to come in, or see if social services could get some home help in to come in a couple of days a week and do some cleaning, see she's fed, for some company. Also, is there a meals on wheels service locally?
If he sees her support network growing, he won't want to be seen around as much- too much chance he'd get caught.

[Sandalwood]

Well yes, she will see a lot less of him when things are sorted properly - he's on to a good number just now....and he maight make things awkward for her.
But you are doing the right thing as you say - you are also in a vulnerable position.
What are help the Aged called now? Age UK? maybe chat to them. She needs a bit of support to get through (what she sees as) letting him down.

[sweetestchilli]

Thank you for your replies. There are alot of things I would like to do this sleazy man but I am trying to keep my cool! A couple of months back he pulled up on a second hand motorbike, which whilst its not a fantastic bike it must have cost a bit and we all wondered how he could afford it. I think that question has now been answered! I have obtained the documents I need to get the P.O.A and hopefully will have it signed by this afternoon. As well as this I have a P45 for him to sign, as if she is going to continue to pay him for doing her housework then he will have to lawfully declare it. I wonder how long he will continue to take money from her after this??
She is currently having a lot of work done on her property as she has no central heating/hot water so she qualified for a local government grant. I have told her I will be going in when once that is done to give her house (specifically the kitchen) a good clean up. I have also said that if this neighbour does decide its not worth his while coming in anymore then I will make extra when I feed my family so she has a decent meal every day. The only thing I can't provide during the week is company as we all work such long hours :(
Her carer spoke to me just before Christmas saying she was concerned about him and the amount of time he spent there, she makes a point of writing in the notes that he is still there after she has left.
There is so much more I could write about his actions but I thank you all for responding. I'm just so angry and the sooner this is all in place and he realises we're on to him the better! x

[yellowvan]

Great idea about the p45, have you got a job list for him too? Be aware that poa takes ages to come through; you need about 6 weeks to inform the 'people who must be informed' (ie others with a potential interest) then it takes about 20 weeks after that to register, then it still takes time after that to register it with her bank, building soc etc before you can use it. Look at the office for the public guardian website, their phone helpline very helpful (ime) too. You sound a great neighbour. Has she got family?

[RedHelenB]

Could you contact social services?

[sweetestchilli]

Thanks for that website yellowvan I'll make sure I have a look at it tonight. She has a niece who visits once a week (listed as her N.O.K) and two nephews, one who visits occasionally and one I had never met before she got really ill in the summer last year. (We thought he was the doctor when he walked in to her hospital room) They have always left her care, financial and other issues to me, since before she got ill. I guess they took a back seat knowing that she always had me and my Mum to look out for her.
We have gone for a General P.O.A, I didn't want a lasting one as I was informed that if she ever got really ill and the hospital needed permission to stop administering medication this would be my decision and thats not something I could bear to have on my shoulders, she means too much to all of us that even the right thing for her would be a difficult decision for any of us to make. I just really need this so called 'friend' to know that we are aware of his actions and that it will not continue because we won't let it. x

[sneezecakesmum]

Social services have a system for protecting vulnerable adults. Contact them via local SS. If this neighbour is up to no good, officaldom in the form of SS may keep him in line. Age UK is also a good idea.

[legalduck]

Hello, this is not that unusual and the local authority social services department will have a vulnerable adult section. Search it out on the net for advice. If the ?carer? is piggy backing then they will most likely know him. If there is a serious risk, they will step in.
The other option is the office of public guardian who have a dedicated team they can be contacted on 0300 456 0300 and are despite their reputation very helpful.
Have you spoken about the possibility of a Lasting Power of Attorney Property and Affairs this gives a power to the attorney to deal with the affairs of a person who is infirm or has lost capacity? You have referred to a Health and Welfare LPA, which would cover the hospital situation.
The Property and affairs LPA has the added benefit of enabling the attorney to keep an eye on bank accounts to watch for large withdrawals and transactions. The attorney must continue to enable the person making the LPA to make decisions.

[sweetestchilli]

Well, it didn't go to plan! We went in the house with the view of calmly telling him whats what and she had changed her mind! She's more than happy for him to still have control over her money and do her shopping even though she knows her money is going missing. It seems his company is more important to her than anything else. However, he got me very wound up by making out he was the most important person in her life and I lost it and told him I knew he had been taking £100 a week off of her for the last year and I could quite easily do him for benefit fraud. He responded by saying she had offered it to him, which I replied with well, if she's a friend as you keep telling everyone she is you wouldn't have accepted it in the first place. She's a very frail old lady on a pension and most of it is going to him. He knows we are on to him now. He swears blind he hasn't touched the missing money and said it could have been anyone (i.e. her carers) so I told him I would have to insist on an investigation with the agency involved. He got extremely defensive and then admitted he had taken £200 to fix her roof, she knew nothing about this. I think he gave himself away in the end, but my lovely neighbour still can't see it! :( so, even if we don't have P.O.A he knows we are watching his every move. I hope this is enough for him to change his behaviour. Thank you everyone who replied and for your advice, really appreciate it x