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Legal matters

hague convention put me under the same roof as an abusive ex

6 replies

matsavgab · 02/01/2012 17:30

now I really need help. I left a very emotionally abusive and violent relationship in november 2010. November 2011 he got his revenge through the hague convention of abducted children and since the 11th December 2011 I have been forced by "justice Ryder " in the high court to live under the same roof as my abuser with my children in italy. They all 3 told a cafcass officer that they did not want to return to italy but it was not enough. Now it has been nearly one month that we have been back in italy. My kids spoke to a judge here on the 19th december and aall three told her they did not want to live in italy and did not like daddy but so far no decision has been mande.
we are living here in italy in a house he should not be in but seems to think he can stay here. He intimidates me daily and gives me no housekeeping money inspite of sitting on a small fortune while i have nothing. I am now reaching the end of my ability to continue in this situation. I know noone can give me advice but would so appreciate getting in touch with anyone who has been in a similar situation or has ever crossed paths with justice ryder. Also do i have any rights. I went to womens aid to get me ouit of this relationship and one year later I am forced by the law to return to it!!! HELP

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mumblechum1 · 02/01/2012 17:44

Sorry but you are going to have to get an Italian lawyer to help you, I think.

I haven't had any cases with Judge Ryder, but your English solicitors will be able to advise whether his or her judgement is appealable.

My understanding, though, is that your children are not allowed to leave the former matrimonial home, it's unlikely that the court will have told you that you have to live there as well, but I realise that may be academic.

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matsavgab · 02/01/2012 18:24

ah well the court specifically stated i had to live and sleep at the address but think they assumed he wouldnt be there. He insists on staying as he knows that if he left he would lose the house as i have a right to the house. I have an italian lawyer who is just as baffled as i am about the situation. am really at my wits end about all this.

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babybarrister · 02/01/2012 18:37

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petersham · 02/01/2012 18:39

I really, really feel for you - my soon to be ex DH was trying to create a situation whereby I end up in this situation in a neighbouring country to yours. We got out in time and you can only imagine how that went down. He still makes our life hell by butting in from afar (bitching to school, GP, SS even) but the pleasure of no longer being near him. Have you spoken to a reunite lawyer (they can recommend international lawyers too - they did for me)? The British Embassy in Italy - if he is actively abusive, they could perhaps help you to get home?

Failing that, I think that you can live anywhere in the country, you don't have to stay in that particular house. I would choose somewhere right at the other end and had already considered that as a fallback option. Good luck, It is a hellish situation to be in. My ex was an abusive, deluded wastrel and I really thought that my number would be up soon. I hope you find a solution.

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matsavgab · 02/01/2012 19:14

thanks for your help, i have checked out the addresses you offered. The thing is that in January 2011 I asked the Italian court for permission to live in the UK so it is not that I ignored the law. Right from the start i engaged in the court process and it is only because of the slowness of the system in italy that I find myself one year later back under the same roof as an abusive and violent man. I have uso frutto of the house where i live which means that he is supposed to move out but knows all too well that he will lose the house!! aaah well patience i suppose is my only route though my discussion is a wider one about abuse. I had to use womens aid to help me escape a terrible situation and I find it so incredible that the law still refuses to recognise domestic abuse unless a women is seriously in danger of her life and even then it is not guarenteed she will be protected.

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babybarrister · 03/01/2012 07:03

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