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Legal matters

A father right under these circumstances

15 replies

AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 01:50

Hi,
If you don't mind could you read this brief case and tell me your opinions on the matter
Thanks

During my pregnancy my ex partner was verbally abusive and kept making threats about court actions. I decided to leave him and had limited contact for the duration of my pregnancy. For my unborn child sake i invited him to the birth and at the time thought it may change our realtionship for the best.

I had a emergancy c-section and one weekend refused to go to my ex Partner parents house he then got very abusive.His mum suggested that he should bring the baby up himself if i cannot make it.So he demanded that i let him take the 12 day old baby himself which i obviously disagreed on ,ever since that day he has been making threats about taking court action the following week i decided to not enter him on the birth cert as during the argument he said he was going to try and get full custordy and all sort of horrible threats.
He went to a solicitor and arrange an agreement that he would have the child 3 days a week which i decline and also pr.
He paid exactly 2 weeks worth of child maintenance which was alot less then he should of been paying and during the duration of paying he made continuous threats to withdrawn payment if i didn't accept the agreement or wouldn't let him take the child out on his own .
I offered him access however he declined, first he said because he doesn't want me present then the following week he would only visit if he could go back to mine etc which i refused obviously as i don't want him knowing where i live .
Everytime i tried to make an arrangment it seem there was always an excuse in place. At this point i got sick of playing reasonsible and changed all my contact details so he couldn't no longer contact me.As i believe he was just trying set me up to say something out of anger to use against me in the courts
He hasn't made any effort to see his child, although he does know where my parents live he hasn't sent any presents or money for the child.

On one occasion he came to my parents house to drop off a cot, which i left at his house during the pregnancy.During one of his abusive text, he told me how this cot was actually at his parents house ready for overnight stays and refused i could have it .
Anyway weeks later he drop off the cot and i answer the door with my daughter in my arms, i was really shocked at the time and was speechless as i wasn't expecting him. Anyways he never ask after the child or took any interest in her he just walk off .

Other general information
Him and his mother was calling me a bad mum because my baby suffered from colic .
He suffered domestic abuse when he was younger his dad attended anger managment classes
His mother told me stories about biting children at bday parties which obviously was one of the very reasons ,i don't trust my child being around him or his family
They had an injuction out for threatening behaviour .

My close friends have agreed on giving me statements about his character all most of which are professional.

Based on the information given could anyone please tell me where i stand ?if taken to court

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/01/2012 01:57

From what you have said, I don't think he will bother to take you to court. Is he entitled to Legal Aid? Are you?

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 02:17

I am entitled to legal aid however he isn't.
I don't know exactly what the solicitor told him ,but according to him the solicitor told him to withdraw all payments made to me because he doesn't have to legally pay it as he isn't on the birth certificate.:S
little confused to why they would advise that, if he wants to make himself look good in court.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/01/2012 02:28

It is true that if he is not on the birth cert, and you are claiming child maintenance, you have to prove (via DNA tests) that he is actually the father. The CSA will arrange this, and you will not have to pay; he might, depending upon income. He cannot, however, reclaim any payments he has already made, even if he's not the dad.

If he's not entitled to Legal Aid, and is actually using your child as a weapon, I strongly suspect he'll just do a vanishing act.

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 02:56

Ok ..
I think that what they are hoping i will do, is get in touch with the CSA to make him pay child maintenance then he can resquest a DNA that way then it kind of cut corner for him getting a court order DNA and also save time.
I heard that DNA test has to be done by a court approving body would the CSA be a court approving body ? Also if the CSA was invovled would i have to put him on the birth certificate if he was prove to be the father which he would be.

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 03:08

Please note i believe as a father he should earn his right to be on the birth certificate, he isn't really playing a father figure in this child life atm and i would never lie to my child about who her father is at all ,she will always know who her father is. It just ATM i prefer not to put him on due to the threats he has made and obviously later on I would willing put him on if he changes his attitude towards me as a mother and make more effort with the child.Not so much about me but my child . He wants to play the daddy role in the showing off sense but if money involved he isn't interested..i.e buying baby clothes or nappies

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/01/2012 03:39

I completely understand your point of view, but disagree that he needs to
prove any sort of "right" to be recognised; either he is the biological father of your child, or he is not. Your child will need to know this, eventually.

Go to the CSA. They will order a DNA test, and they will order all sorts of other stuff, primarily that he pays 15% of his take-home in child maintenance. "Playing daddy" is in no way related to actually "acting daddy" and children are not pay-per-view.

I wish you all the best. I have seen this from too many POVs.

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 04:07

Yes i know .
He did spend time with our child please note until he got very abusive also he been offered access with me present, when she alot older she can make her own choices. i know there been many cases where people use the child as a weapon etc or insist money.
Money isn't the problem .
I was more less asking on advise on his rights as a father if it was taken to court under the certain circumstances i explained in the message.

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karentokylie · 02/01/2012 04:12

I think the court will think that you have been quite obstructive. Tread very carefully.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/01/2012 04:16

And as I said in my first response, I think it very unlikely that he will actually go to Court. Have you engaged a solicitor? Abusive men threaten all sorts of shit,the courts are aware of this.

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mumblechum1 · 02/01/2012 04:26

The main thing to bear in mind is that maintenance is not connected to contact. Plenty of dads are very good at paying mtce on time for years on end but for one reason or another never see their children, and vice versa.

So far as contact is concerned, the default position is that every child has the right to a relationship with both of its parents. The fact that your ex doesn't have PR doesn't prevent him from getting contact, if he makes an application, which seems unlikely given what you've posted, then he will be advised to tag an appln for PR on to the main appln.

If he makes an appln for contact and PR, the court will initially ask cafcass to mediate between you and see whether an agreement can be reached. If not, then the hearing will be adjourned to give both parties time to file statements of their positions, and for cafcass to file a report giving recommendations.

Assuming that your dc is still v young, any contact will, in my view, have to be supervised at a contact centre. Given the history, I suspect that your ex wont stick to the arrangements and will go away at some time.

That's assuming that he bothers to make an appln at all, which is doubtful. Make sure that all communication between you and him is in writing so that you can refer to it in court if necessary. Ideally, you should try mediatiion before court proceedings but as there are domestic violence allegations, mediation may not be appropriate.

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 04:48

Like i said for my child interest i tried to keep him invovled for her sake . Yes there been violence, but i am willing to sort this problem out without the courts in any method possible if that means me facing he i sure will . However i don't want this to look like i contridicting myself.

If he wants to be on birth certificate so be it that isn't a problem either.
As a mother i just wanted to know where i stood in these circumstances.

I am happy for him to have access aslong as i know my child is safe and my child isn't taken to specific people houses, i don't approve of for certain reasons.
I haven't seen any form of representative atm but if you guys suggest it a good idea to i will ..

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mumblechum1 · 02/01/2012 04:54

tbh if you're not entititled to public funding I wouldn't waste any money seeing anyone until you are contacted by your ex's solicitors or the court. (I'm a family lawyer btw)

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 04:58

If you guys have any methods, i could take myself to ensure my wishes was respected and that some sort of arrangment can be made properly were it supervised due to the background then feel free to sure .

Please note atm my child is around 2 months old ? what sort of plan could be in place atm .

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Collaborate · 02/01/2012 07:50

I wouldn't put him on the birth certificate if I were you, as that would mean he would acquire Parental Responsibility. You would then need his consent for all sorts of things, including change of name and taking him on holiday abroad.
Re the CSA- the mechanism is that if he disputes parentage he has to pay (within in think 2 months) the cost (approx £350) of DNA testing. If he knows he's the father he won't dispute it as he'll only waste his money. You naming him as father to the CSA will be proof enough to the world at large.

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AMummyFromNotts · 02/01/2012 23:54

Oh thanks for your replies they made me feel alot better, i felt trapped for weeks on end thinking am i doing the right thing, will my child real be taken away? will my side ever be heard.?
Despite all he done to me i even let him come to the birth just so when she was older she wouldn't ask questions.I just hope oneday she will understand and if she does request she has her dad on then that something of her choice.
I feel so betrayed in a sense i done all in my power to try and make things work and it been constant tears and grief.
I just hope justice is serve and the weeks of grief ,threats blackmail about maintenance will soon be in the past.

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