Help I cant afford a lawyer!

[redbaren]

After winning a one and a half year court battle most of it which occurred in Italy I won full custody and returned to the UK with my child. My X followed us nearly four years ago and has always threatened to take me back to court to get more access because we were living in the same country now, despite the fact the judge based his decision on an in depth psychological report which went totally in my favour and described his actions as narcissistic. I have dreaded the day as I never wanted to step inside another court room again. Now hes on jobseekers and so because hes now got legal aid he has filed an urgent application in the courts to gain joint custody because he says my son is at risk!!!!!!
I now have to dig up the injunctions and police reports of the abuse he inflicted on me in front of my son. Its going to open up a whole can of worms.
I went to my lawyer yesterday but Im not entitled to legal aid. Her fees are £200 per hour. Im thinking of representing myself. Ive already remortgaged my home to pay for past court cases with him....Anyone got any good solid advice they can give me. This is really quite overwhelming for me...

[mumblechum1]

Sorry but before anyone will be able to advise, you need to give a bit more info:

1. Does your ex have parental responsibility, ie was your child born in the UK after December 2004 and was the father named on the birth certificate?
   

1. How often does your son see his dad?
   

1. Are there any problems regarding contact?
   

1. What are the allegations against you?
   

1. Are there any previous court proceedings in the English courts?

[redbaren]

Hi yes answers to these questions are as follows.

1. My ex has parental responsibility
   

2.He sees his son every other weekend from fri after school until Monday am. All school holidays are split including half term. Every time I have a work commitment or college course he stays with him because he got angry I was asking other people.

1. There are no problems involving contact
   

4 Allegations are that i had to rent my sons room out to a student (when he stopped paying me maintenance). That i rent my spare room to students. That I once left my son in the care of someone who had to leave and he was left on his own for 10 minutes. That my son heard my partner loose his temper. (The row was actually about my ex always controlling and interfering. My partner and I have now split up he cant stand his controlling behaviour any more. Hes rented his flat out and gone to live abroad for a while!)Also that I keep abusing him on the telephone in front of Indra! That I accused him of being a drug dealer...(actually he was !) The list goes on and gets more petty but hes actually filed an urgent application to the court saying that my son is at risk because of my behaviour.
He told my son a few days ago "I have been planning this for a long time"

4.Phew.... Previous court hearings are as follows;
Restraining order May 2005
Restraining order December 2005
Residence and prohibited steps order 2005 in my favour
Then after a short reconcilement with him the relationship broke down, we split up again and under the Hague convention he filed a child abduction case on me! I lost and son with me following "returned " to Italy where he went for full custody July 2006
August 2007 won full custody and right to remove and return to Uk with my son.

Now hes going for joint custody on grounds that my son is in emotional danger with me!. My son is so upset he wont eat. He is adament he likes things as they are and does not want to change anything . He also finds his dad controlling and manipulative...

[redbaren]

I was gearing myself up for self representation but I spoke to someone today for some legal advice and they have totally knocked the wind out of my sails by playing devils advocate and totally picking holes in my side of the story. Help feel so alone and scared. Cant get legal aid and I've got £6.66 in my bank account at the moment.

[mumblechum1]

You'll probably find that the judge will bend over backwards to help you if you're self repping.

If your ex hasn't lodged his application yet, suggest mediation first. He may refuse, but at least you can draw the court's attention to the fact that you tried to settle out of court. If you do go to mediation, there is a chance that you will settle it.

At the first hearing, the court won't want to hear any evidence from either of you. Usually cafcass are there in the court building so the judge will ask you and your ex to meet with cafcass there and then to try to reach agreement. On the assumption that you can't agree, then you go back in to see the judge and he or she will make directions orders inc. provision for each of you to file statements setting out your side of the story, and usually for cafcass to then file a report setting out their recommendations as to whether shared residence (which does NOT mean 50/50 share of time between the parents), an increase in contact, or keeping the status quo.

Do not refer, other than in passing, to the DV issues. The court is unlikely to consider them relevant several years later, after contact has been going ok for all that time.

The courts these days are a bit more keen on shared residence where the parties live reasonably close (say within about 20 miles), and they can communicate, which I presume you have been managing for the last few years. The best argument against shared residence in my experience is that children like to know where they live, it's that simple. In the words of an experienced barrister who I regularly instruct, they like to know where they keep their football kit. I have had many disputed shared resident cases and I'd say there's a fairly even split between judges approving shared residence and finding against it.

Once you have the cafcass report, unless there are proveable factual inaccuracies, the best thing to do is frankly to accept it even if you don't agree with the recommendation. This is because Cafcass are the eyes and ears of the court, they are trying to find what is in the child's best interests and often that is not what one of the parents thinks is their best interests.

If you aren't happy with the cafcass report then the matter will have to go to a final hearing and you will have to cross examine the cafcass officer. Only do this if you are absolutely certain that the recommendation is based on factual errors of the cafcass officer, not just that you don't like what she is recommending.

I know I'm painting a bit of a negative picture here, the reason for that is the number of cases I've seen (had one yesterday) where the cafcass officer recommends increased, unsupervised contact, or shared residence but the report is not accepted by the mother purely because of the history with the dad, and often linked in with that is the fact that children notoriously try to keep both parents happy by telling them what they think that parent wants to hear.

If your ds has so far enjoyed contact visits, and his dad wants to play a more active role in his life, and if the dad looks after your ds well on contact visits, there are no concerns about neglect, abuse, etc then the chances are that contact may be increased. This may be called a shared residence order but may only mean a difference of a few nights extra per month in effect.

Sorry this is long and a bit negative, but best to be prepared for the worst but at the same time try for the best.

Good luck.

[redbaren]

Thanks thats very helpful advice from someone in the legal world. Sorry im new to this but what does DV mean?
I spoke to a guy from www.familycourtsupport.co.uk/mckenzie.htm today . He played devils advocate and scared me. He offers a good service of Legal drafting and Mckenzie friends and seemed to really know his stuff. EH could see all my weak points instantly but I think that it would be good to get someone like him to assist me. Hes had a lot of experience in family law. His name is John Junk. I googled him and saw some positive responses...Have you heard of him before?

[prh47bridge]

DV = Domestic Violence

[mumblechum1]

No, haven't heard of John Junk, but that doesn't mean anything. I work out of Reading, Slough and Oxford county courts primarily.

Lots of people take a friend or family member as their McKenzie friend. They don't actually do a lot normally, but it sounds as though JJ makes a living out of it so hopefully will have some useful advice.