Child maintenence question

[effingwotsits]

I hope this all makes sense, it is a very long story spanning several years, but if I write it mainly as bullet points, it's not because I am being lazy, I'm just trying to make as much sense as possible. So here goes.....

DH and his ex split, she keeps the two children aged then 6m and 4.
6 months later DH and I get together.
6months later, their house she had been living in gets sold.
She tells DH she is taking the children to live abroad.
DH agrees to a 3 way split of the equity in the house, £44k for her, £44k for him and £44k for the continued maintenance of the children (ie, they agreed that she takes this rather than a monthly sum).
She spends this money on a flat in another country.
Once abroad, she proceeds to direct a solicitor to try and get a further £400 per month for the children.
We do not have this kind of money but are advised to offer a smaller, token amount of £40 which we do.
She says she no longer wishes to keep the children and can DH come and get them.
DH collects the children. They have lived with us ever since.
We ask her for some of the money back.
She refuses.
We ask for small token amounts.
She refuses.
We had a big case where we took her to court.
She by then had another baby and the court could not make her sell her flat to provide for the children.

Anyway, 6 years later, we have not had a penny from her for the upkeep of the children. She rarely speaks to them, never sends birthday/christmas presents etc. We are broke beyond belief.


I could go on for pages about the wickedness she has shown towards the children and the fact she does not give a damn about them at all, but that would take all day adn isn't relevant to the legalities of the situation. I have brought them up as my own for 6 years and DH works every hour to keep a roof over our head. We lost our house last year and DH is frantic with money worries.

I guess my question is: Is there anything whatsoever that says a parent in another European country must contribute financially to their children in the UK? Because as far as I can see, we're stuffed!

[effingwotsits]

Sorry about the epic post. Off to get the children from school but thamk you for reading this far...

[MrGin]

Can't offer any advice, but I read your post. That sucks big time. What a lowlife.

I really hope you manage to sort things out.

[effingwotsits]

Thank you for taking the time to read the epic tale. It helps to see what others think about the whole thing because as far as I can see, there is nothing she can say or do to justify cutting "her" children out of her life from the ages of 3 and 7 (they are now 9 and 13).

[catherinea1971]

Hi, sounds like a difficult situation, not by any means an expert but I receive maintenance for my daughter and her father lives abroad, it is all sorted through the CSA. They can take it from him as he works for a uk company and gets paid into a uk account.
I do believe there are ways to claim if the nrp (non resident parent) lives abroad but it depends on the circumstances and also where about they are living. Hope that is some help:)

[catherinea1971]

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/Arrangingchildmaintenance/DG_199081

[catherinea1971]

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ChildMaintenance/Arrangingchildmaintenance/DG_199081

[catherinea1971]

There is a fair bit of info on the above link, if you think you can claim through the CSA do it asap as if the claim is allowed it is backdated to the date you applied:)

[effingwotsits]

Thanks very much for the link. We are going to try the CSA again. Last time they said that because it was her that was abroad and they had no jurisdiction there, but we're going to look into it again.

[catherinea1971]

Read the info from the link and if you think it fits your case call the CSA, if they say they can't do it ask to speak to someone else, there are many laws around child support and so the people working for the CSA may not have come across certain situations, mine was a nightmare....

[MrGin]

And good on you for being there for the kids.

[STIDW]

If the non resident parent lives abroad the CSA has no jurisdiction apart from a few exceptional cases. Your husband would need to apply to a court in the UK for a child maintenance order. Once there is an order there are reciprocal arrangements for enforcing maintenance orders in many countries, including EU countries.

Having said that if his ex-wife is a stay at home mum she won't have any income of her own with which to pay child maintenance.

[catherinea1971]

STIDW, I think you will find that it is more than a few exceptional cases now, CSA can be used for nrp's in the EU now.

[effingwotsits]

Thank you for replying.

She is claiming benefits and working cash in hand from what I am led to believe so I think I'm clutching at straws to be honest.

[ChocHobNob]

When the CSA cannot do anything, then something called REMO needs applying for. But likely as she's claiming benefits and working cash in hand, she wont be asked to pay anything.

Lump sums should never be paid in advance of any maintenance payment. A parent with care can pocket the money and apply straight away to the CSA.

[effingwotsits]

I know. I remember having this conversation at the time, asking him to reconsider. His only concern then was that she wouldn't be able to say to them he hadn't provided for them in the future.

[ChocHobNob]

The correct way to provide for their future would be to organise monthly maintenance payments and a life insurance policy should anything happen to him, to cover maintenance payments until the children are 18/19. I can appreciate though that hindsight is a wonderful thing.

[Collaborate]

Look at the REMO section on this:

www.justice.gov.uk/guidance/protecting-the-vulnerable/official-solicitor/index.htm

Then go for it.

[bemybebe]

It is a terrible situation for you and your family OP, I wish you luck!

[effingwotsits]

Great link, thanks. I'll get DH to read through it tonight and take it from there..

[catherinea1971]

I think a lot depends on where about in the world she lives, I do know that the CSA will deduct from benefits in UK, not sure about anywhere else though...
Well done for looking after the children btw:)

[cestlavielife]

realistically, even if CSA enforced you not going to get much from her and the 44k from before is effectively lost it would seem ....

(have just sold a joint owned property with exP and the net gain is big fat zero due to debts incurred and it sure rankles, but there you go. he isnt payig anything towards DC) .

but good on dad and on you for bringing them up.

presume you get the child benefit etcetc for them?