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Should we be leaving the family home after DH left?

10 replies

Ladylou83 · 02/10/2011 09:05

DH left 2 weeks ago after telling me that he doesnt love me anymore. Since he has gone Ive since found out he has been using internet dating websites for the last year, so no chance of reconciliation. We have 15m old DD. Also we have a joint mortgage for our house, for which we are just coming up to the end of our fixed period.

I always thought Id want to leave the house if DH left as its the marital home, and without a marriage there was no point being here, however im starting to realise that its DDs home and all she knows. I cant afford to take the property by myself. DD and I are due to move out on the 26th Oct and he will then move back in. I keep getting told by friends/family that I shouldnt leave, that I should be getting him to pay the mortgage as its DDs home. Is that even possible?

I do have a solicitor but he doesnt have a legal aid spot for me till November, and I will have potentially left by then. Im frightened that if I do leave and DD is actually entitled to stay in her house with him paying for the mortgage that it will be too late for me come back to the house, iyswim?

Anybody able to shed some light on this one?

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Collaborate · 02/10/2011 09:58

Don't leave for now. Why should your daughter me turfed out of her home? Wait until you've taken legal advice (incidentally you'll be denied that if/when legal aid for this is all but withdrawn - no one seemed to object to it but solicitors and barristers who were accused of trying to remain on some gravy train). At first sight you might get to stay in the house, but there's a lot that goes into these things decision-wise and you need proper and full advice from a specialist. check that whoever you're seeing is either a Resolution accredited specialist or on the Advanced Family Law Panel of the law society (not the basic panel).

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HappyMummyOfOne · 02/10/2011 15:57

Unless he is an extremely high earner, its unlikely he will be made to pay the mortgage. If you cant afford to take over the mortgage with your earnings and CSA amount then a clean financial break may be better

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RedHelenB · 02/10/2011 16:28

Definitely stay put until you have seen a solicitor. If the property is deemed to be too big for the two of you it will have to be sold but you may well get more of any equity.

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babybarrister · 02/10/2011 20:44

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MrsMagnolia · 02/10/2011 21:33

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An0therName · 02/10/2011 21:51

don't move out - its very early days and short term I assume there would be ways round to pay the bills - usually in the short term whoever has moved out would continue to pay the bills - and you need legal advice -

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Ladylou83 · 03/10/2011 18:42

I really cant afford to pay to see my solictor :( I contacted CAB today and am now waiting to hear back from them. The house is a small 2 bed, brought 3 years ago. Our fixed term ends in november this year. I initially wanted to sell and go for a clean break but he wont sell as there is no profit in selling aparantly. He wants me and DD to move out and then keep the house for himself till the market improves or till he can afford to go it alone. He wants me to stay on the mortgage because he knows they wont give him one with just him on it.

I feel stuck, I cant afford to stay here, as he is not prepared to contribute towards the mortgage, yet if I leave and push for the sale of the house he is on about me paying towards the mortgage which I defo wont be able to afford as I will be paying to home our DD by myself. If I push for the sale of the house he wont be able to get someone in to rent DDs room. I feel like im in a no win situation, and he stands to gain either way

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kblu · 03/10/2011 18:46

So he's not concerned about putting a roof over your daughter's head then? Selfish bastard!

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MrsMagnolia · 04/10/2011 21:08

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Ladylou83 · 05/10/2011 13:46

I spoke to a different solicitor this morning.

She explained that i could stay in the house if an order was taken out against him, which would mean till the house is sold he would still be responsible for his half of the mortgage, but he can also do the same to me. I cant take the chance of staying and him not paying, but equally if I go I cant take the chance that he will make me pay my half because I just cant afford to run two homes.

As far as our debt goes....stupidly I took it all out in my name because he couldnt get credit, and now im lumbered with it. There is no help on this one. So thanks to him I now have £20k debt to my name. Remind me that nothing is 'forever' anymore. Wondering if I should go bankrupt now, because if I carry on with the debt management plan it will be 20 years before I am out of this.

She is going to help if I want it, with maintenance and access with DD. I of course want him to see her, she needs a dad, even if he is crap, but she agrees that he ways and routines need to be as undisturbed as possible.

She did tell me I defo have grounds for divorce, we can either go for adultery, or I can provide 6-12 counts of unreasonable behaviour, which sadly shouldnt be hard.

This whole thing is an absolute mess :( I feel like the bad guy is in control, and the one who has done nothing is going to come off worse